Friday, July 31, 2009

all of us have a place in history, mine is in the clouds.

“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.”--Calvin & Hobbes

So, where are we? Where are you?

What is fairly obvious to me, is that I don't care what others think of me. It has taken me a very long time to get to this point and I am not even really there yet, but I am who I am. Which reminds me of this quote from Popeye:
Popeye: [singing] I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam / And I got a lotta muscle and I only gots one eye / And I'll never hurt nobodys and I'll never tell a lie / Top to me bottom and me bottom to me top / That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I? / I yam what I yam.

Yesterday, while in Manhattan and while eating a yummy falafel I noticed a woman and she looked so fucking familiar to me. I know that I saw her somewhere, on TV. Being a dork, I was shy to ask her who she was. So, instead I stared at her as she was ordering her lunch, then stared at her some more. Still, with all that staring I had no sudden epiphany of who she might be.

I came home scratching my head because I know her damn it. Last night, I spent a good portion of the evening wracking my brain and trying to envision her where I saw her. Nope. This morning I awoke ready for my run, but in the back of my mind I saw her, yet couldn't place her. I still can't place her and I think this may haunt me for a while.

WHY? No clue. It is so not important really. Yet, I need to know.

And now that a few days have past, I couldn't give a shit who she is. Hey, I lost a toenail.....

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world” - Oscar Wilde

“the way we move through time and space, or only time. The way it’s night for many miles, and then suddenly it’s not, it’s breakfast and you’re standing in the shower for over an hour, holding the bar of soap up to the light.” - richard siken

And your dead end friends
Make your stomach shake
And your hissing head
Barrels down that blackened lane
Alone at last to figure how you got this way

Pay back is a mo fuckin’ bitch

“ You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.

"You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you. rwandan proverb

Sunday, July 26, 2009



I dig this video. Sure, it's all over the internets but who gives a fuck. I wanted to post it here on Raw Cool. If I ever get married I would want this to be the way my wedding party enters. Different song, of course, but something memorable. And fun. And different. Yeah.

I am basking in the joy of an 8 mile run today. I ran with my friend Samantha and we started out at 7am. Smart move. It was mighty muggy out there. I just love running so darn much. There is nothing better. NOTHING. Ok, well I can think of a few things that may just be better, but running is up there as a really great thing.

I ran 4 straight miles without stopping and then took a quick GU/WATER break. After I hit mile 5 I walked for 1 minute. After I hit mile 6 I walked for 1 minute. After I hit mile 7 I walked for more than 1 minute and also stopped at the water fountain to gulp down water. Mile 7 to mile 8 was tough because I knew it was the last mile, yet I was quickly running out of steam. Samantha got me though it by encouraging me and not letting me stop.

It was awesome. Really. I know, you non-runners are all like What the fuck is so awesome about that?. Go for a run and you shall have your answer.

I don't know how to stress this more, but everybody must be active. Active in your mind and active with your body. I don't care of you take a short walk, skip, hop, whatever! Just get out there and move. Enjoy life. Sitting on your ass all day long just ain't going to do you any good. It is invigorating and incredibly awesome to be moving. Your body is meant for that. You don't see kids sitting for very long and for good reason. They know what to do - even as an infant.

I say all this because I care about you. I do. So, please for your own health don't you all want to be here FOREVER?

"If you don't know where you are going, how can you expect
to get there?"

-- Basil S. Walsh

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

HomeTown Glory...

I stepped on the moon tonight. It was kinda scary. I was all alone - so I left.

And then I ended up in a fish tank. Not to scary - it was mostly guppies or some small colorful fishies. It was cool. It smelled good and the fish were nice to me.

Closed my eyes and I was at a spectacular waterfall. I don't know exactly where I was, but who cares. It was stunning and peaceful and just what I needed.

Yeah, so I have a hairy armpit. I am in Paris where it's all the rage. I had fun here. Ate lots of bread and cheese and stuff. It's what they do. It's how they roll, in Paris.

Eventually though I needed to come home. I wanted to come home. But home meant something different because I am making it different. Changes need to be made and I am making them. Slow and steady wins the race every time.

I need to buck up and get strong. I need to shrug it all off - flick those pesky thoughts out of my head. And I am doing it. Slowly and surely. I am doing what I need to do.

Here is what I do know, though -
My heart is always in the right place.
I try to hard sometimes.
Peeps will like me or not. I no longer care.
I am a good person, mostly.
I give way to much.
I hardly take.
The world is a big scary place
Sometimes, I need help with stuff
Mostly, I don't
I am not an expert on anything
Running is a passion of mine
Running has taught me stuff
I teach myself stuff
I love mojitos
I only worry about the important stuff
I am part of a tribe and its a good tribe to be a part of
I love chia seeds
I also love smoothies
I also love to run

I can only be who I am. Take it or leave it. The energy I expend worrying can be better used for more creative pursuits. I feel too deeply and I need to take that feeling to another level.

I have spent way to much time trying to fit in and be accepted. Then, I discovered that I do indeed fit in and I am accepted. I may be a square trying to fit into a circle or some shit like that, but I am also a person that doesn't need to conform. I like being different and that makes me similar to 100% of the peeps I know. Because the folks I know are all different and special.

Maybe I think to much, perhaps I don't think enough. Either way - I am home now and I feel at peace.

"What's it going to be... reasons or results? Art Turoc

If you can understand, dear Michelle, that the 3 greatest obstacles between you and the life of your wildest dreams are actually imaginary, a product of your mind alone, I do believe we’ll blow the wheels clear off this popsicle stand.

“Push-Ups” for everyone,
The Universe

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The End Of The World..

The Cure - The End Of The World
Go if you want to
I never tried to stop you
Know there's a reason
For all of this you're feeling
Love it's not my call
You couldn't ever love me more
You couldn't love me more
You couldn't love

Me I dont show much
It's far too hard to hide you
See in a moment
I cant remember how to
Be all you wanted
I couldn't ever love you more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love

You want me to cry and play my part
I want you to sigh and fall apart
We want this like everyone else

Stay if you want to
I always wait to hear you
Say there's a last kiss
For all the times you run this
Way, it's not my call
You couldn't ever love me more
You couldn't love me more
You couldn't love

Love me more
Couldnt ever love me more
I couldnt love you more
I couldnt love

You want me to lie not break your heart
I want you to sigh and fall apart
We want this like everyone else

Maybe we didn't understand
It's just the end of the
end of the world
Maybe we didn't understand
Not just a boy and a girl
It's just the end of the world

It's 3am in the morning - how the fuck did I get here? It's been days since I've been motivated to post anything. And its really upsetting to me that I am not showing up on peeps feed readers for some unexplainable reason that I have no explanation for. So, I feel as though I am starting from scratch here. Like day one post one. COME BACK PEEPS.

I am not a quitter yet I uttered those exact words 2 days ago. To someone who cares and knows and loves me. I said "I fucking quit". I am so done and so tired. I am not running anymore. I am tired of fighting the injuries one after another. When one thing heals, the next thing begins to plaque me. Fuck that. Fuck it all. I am so done.

Ok, I WAS so done. Because, about 15 minutes after I uttered those three words I knew in my heart it was false and ridiculous. Why would I quit just because my body was rebelling against me. I am a fighter and I will fight this. Do whatever. Eat healing crap and think healing thoughts and nurse my ailing body. Ice it. Massage it. Google it. Ignore it. Yell at it. Scream at it.

It is a quad thang. Left leg. It was so bad on Sunday that I fell down while running. Literally. My legs went out from under me and I fell down went boom!! Big boom too. Ever fall? Why does if feel as if its happening is SLO MO! I had an out of body experience and saw myself going down yet I couldn't stop it from happening. I landed hard on my left elbow. Now I have some sort of odd muscle strain in that arm. Whatever. I was more embarrassed than anything. Nobody helped or asked if I was ok. I was. OK! Sort of. I hobbled home and felt angry the rest of the day.

Next day - I FUCKING QUIT!!! I hate running.

30 minutes later. I DO NOT QUIT. I fucking love running. This is a love/hate thing that has been going on in my life forever. Explaining this to a person who does not run is nearly impossible, I think. 99.9% impossible. It is impossible to explain the love. So, I won't.

Today, I got real antsy and coupled with a Pink Lady juice (beets/pear/apple/ginger) and a big bowl of juicy cherries I had all this excess energy that needed some release. Plus I had to clear my head of stuff.

So, I laced up these suckas Brooks ST4's.

And, after lots of conversation with awesome runners and reading this from this site NEWTON RUNNING :
Striking on your forefoot is the most natural way to run, it is also the fastest and most efficient way to run. PRACTICE GOOD FORM. Relax, lean slightly forward and shorten your stride. Your foot will naturally land on your midfoot at a point under your hips. Keep a high cadence and your stride length short. (Do not run on your toes.) To run efficiently, you have to understand your body and how it naturally moves across a surface with as little muscular force as possible. Along those lines, the tenants of good running form include running with short strides and a quick cadence, landing lightly on the midfoot/forefoot area (the ball of the foot, but not the toes), and quickly lifting your foot off the ground instead of pushing off with excessive muscle force. A slight forward lean and a relaxed arm swing are also key components.

So, I did that. I ran that way. This is the way it went down:
I juiced a Pink Lady today - 2 beets/2 pears/1 apple/big piece of ginger. This plus a big bowl of juicy cherries sent my energy level through the roof so I decided to lace up and do some sort of walk/run thing. I put on my ST4's and walked the first 1/2 mile. Then ran 1/2 and I used the method I was describing earlier. I won't lie, it takes some thought to get it right and I am not even sure I did it right BUT my thigh pain was considerably less. Not sure if that was the result of 2 complete days of no running OR a result of the new gait I tried. I guess time will tell.
Mile 1 13.12
Mile 2 12.52
Mile 3 11.33
After I ran the 1/2 I then walked 1/2 and that gave me 1.5 miles. I ran the last 1.5 slowly. The heat this time of day was (for me) unbearable and I felt a little dizzy towards the end. I am drinking Cytomax now and it is helping.

I am stoked now. There are 38 days left until the NYC Half Marathon. I am going to make that race my bitch.

It's 3AM in the morning. How the fuck did I get here? I no longer care. It is no longer the END OF THE WORLD.

Hold your ponies, Michelle! Everything you've ever dreamed of, lies on the path you're now on.
Hi Ho Silver,
The Universe

"Here is my secret. It is very simple: one sees well only with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes." "The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Friday, July 3, 2009

4th Of July...

Stephen Kellogg - 4th of July
She was on fire and while an American
She burns it out probably just because she can
And if I had a dollar for everything I should have said
I'd probably still be busted I would throw it all away again

The lighting bugs light up all across the southern sky
Some guys get it all and they don't even need to try
I watched you roll away but you din't even say good bye
And now I hate the night I'm guessing thats the reason why

And this, this is my life
On the Fourth of July
It isn't much, but at least its mine

Got in my van, headed up to Boston
Thought about my friends and how easily I'd lost them
I'd do it all again, I'd leave everyone exhausted
Some folks get a break, me I never got one

I thought of you at night when I would drink too much
You thought about me too, you would never try to get in touch
Went back to school and I ran into some guys I knew
We started up this band, but we couldn't seem to get it through
We got some kicks eventually we lost that tune
Did you ever think if you're not happy its because of you

And this, this is my life
On the Fourth of July
It isn't much, but at least its mine

I got a job, selling ads for magazines
At night when I would play I would think about her constantly
Everything I loved, it somehow got away from me
And suicide, I talked about it openly

I finally quit, or maybe I got fired I don't know
Doesn't matter just as long as it happened all
Added up the fears and the doubts I'd been living with
Songs of life, bugs and school and work and all that shit

And this, this is my life
On the Fourth of July
It isn't much, but at least its mine

I lost a girl sometime and a couple friends
Small talk and parties I never could stomach it
I'm old enough to say, I remember when, but
I don't have the time for your nostalgia or your criticisms

You live and learn, me well I learn to let go
Parents and bosses and people who don't want you to grow
I think that anything you want to, you can do
No one gonna tell me just who the hell I should sing to

And this, this is my life
On the Fourth of July
It isn't much, but at least its mine

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

It is that time of the year again. First, half the year is over. We are officially into the second half of 2009. Scary but true. Time does indeed fly when your having fun. Or not.

It is also the yearly holiday called The 4th of July. I wonder how many people know what that really means. Simply put:
In the United States, Independence Day, commonly known as the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain. Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, carnivals, picnics, concerts, baseball games, political speeches and ceremonies, and various other public and private events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the United States. Independence Day is the national day of the United States.

I think its all good clean fun and I am happy to be part of it. My "hood" has a lot of fun stuff.
The Nathan's hotdog eating contest, fireworks, beach volleyball tournaments, the beach....

It's all just the way it should be, year after year. Nothing changes and that makes it all change.

Here's some shit about me:

everyone who knows me, knows i have anxiety. so why are so many people surprised when i get anxious? dude, it's bound to happen.

shut-up. the most useful phrase in the english language. next to fuck off. which is the most fun phrase in the english language.

sometimes i think i am broken beyond repair.

poop. that word makes me giggle. yes i am 4.

"Running. People think running is a sport. Running isn't a sport because anybody can do it. I can run, you can run. For Christ sakes, my mother can run! You don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, do you? " The Late Great George Carlin...

And with that, Happy Fucking 4th of July to you all beautiful people out there. I love you most of the time. :O)

Actually, Michelle, everyone is reasonable.

They just have their own reasons.

And usually it's worth trying to learn what they are to maximize chances of a full-blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest. Which is always a good thing.
Groovy you,
The Universe