Friday, August 28, 2009

We're Going To Be Friends

fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, book and pens
i can tell that we are gonna be friends

walk with me, suzy lee
through the park, by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we've found
then safely walk to school
without a sound

well here we are, no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now it's time to learn

numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height against the wall

and we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that i sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

tonight i'll dream while i'm in bed
when sill thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when i wake tomorrow i'll bet
that you and i will walk together again
cause i can tell that we
are going to be friends

It's fitting isn't it? Labor day is almost here and that marks the unofficial end of summer and the beginning of school and reuniting with old and dear friends. I, myself am not starting school but I look upon this time of year as a sort of new beginning. A purging if you will of all the shit I obtained during the summer.

I'm talking all the running shit - all the frustrating stuff I bring upon myself. I hold it all in and build walls that can really make me nuts. Picture running a marathon and hitting the proverbial wall at mile 20. You know what you have to do to get the job done, but that darn wall is holding you back. So, what do you do? Push on. Say fuck you wall and knock that sucka down.

Anyway, I really love this tune. Here is my take on it.

Two buddies going through school and remaining tight friends and being there for each other. Perhaps, that is a simplified version of what Jack White meant, I really don't know. "I can't believe the power that's expressed in these words. It completely captures the innocence of childhood, something I wish I still had. But, I don't.

I become melancholy and so very pensive a lot. I think so deeply about things. Even running, I'm all like dude run faster or you suck. Then I analyze the numbers. Then I dissect the run into smaller pieces and wonder where I went wrong. Then i eat a cupcake.

Cupcakes really heal me. I eat it and taste it and enjoy it and then its gone. But somehow I feel better. Remember when you were a kid and you came home from school all excited for your afternoon snack? Well, I remember that vividly and when I eat a cupcake it takes me back there. Which is why I really dig this song.

It brings me back there.

Maybe to here? Check out that outfit and hair. I think you could tell who the boss was in that relationship huh? By the way, we are not friends anymore. Drifted away. I hate that. I suppose I could look for him on facebook, but I think I rather remember.

I need to start spinning counter-clockwise. Later.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."

Mahatma Gandh

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Running Completes Me.

Collective Soul - RUN

Are these times contagious
Ive never been this bored before
Is this the prize Ive waited for
Now with the hours passing
Theres nothing left here to insure
I long to find a messenger

Have I got a long way to run
Have I got a long way to run
Yeah, I run

Is there a cure among us
From this processed sanity
I weaken with each voice that sings
Now, in this world of purchase
Im going to buy back memories
To awaken some old qualities

A very wise man once said:
We are the messengers--fueled by the message we carry. When the message is of Truth, Beauty and love

No big surprise there.

I have been thinking a great deal about why I run. What pushes me out the door every single day to put one foot in front of the other and run 5 miles? It is so very hard to put into words but I really want to try.

Running is such an integral part of my life. A part of my every day routine. I simply don't feel right if I don't run. And by right, I mean I don't feel complete. There are things each of us do daily, and for me running is one of the daily things that I do. Is it a need? Perhaps? But, it is also a want.

I won't go into the obvious health reasons for running because we all know that already. Right? Not only physical but emotionally. The serotonin levels increase and anxiety and depression lessen. It's not rocket science. It's proven. Studies have been done. And I don't know about you runners, but after a particularly hard run, I am spent, sweaty, breathing hard, cursing why the fuck do I do this but I thank my lucky stars that I do indeed "run". It's a gift to me. And I take it.

I take from running what I give to running. Let me explain. I give it my all every day. I give as much as I can, and even when I feel I cannot, I still go out there. I give and I give. But, running has given back to me so so much more.

I feel incredible. I feel strong both physically and emotionally. I am no Kara Goucher nor will I ever be, but I am my own person who enjoys the sport of running. It gives me tremendous confidence. I am a much better person as a runner. I think I am very motivating and supportive to my running peers. I love to learn and I love to help out when I can.

I have lost weight because of running. Sure, I need to lose more weight but I am trying. I am trying every day to eat healthier even if I screw up and have a cupcake now and again. I don't mind because I enjoy those cupcakes.

I have met the most incredible friends through running. Long lasting friends. My running buddies up on my boardwalk are 20 year friendships. And every day that I run with them is like the first day. We never run out of things to talk about. We laugh, we cry and most importantly, we run.

My best running buddy is a man named Ted. . I am not that certain I want to say too much, this man is, besides my coach and inspiration, he is my extremely amazing friend. He is there for me 24/7. Always. NO.MATTER.WHAT. Besides, my family I don't think I can say that about too many people in my life. He is greatness personified. And I will leave it at that.

There are others. Many many other peeps. Bloggers, some of whom I've met and this place Daily Mile. . Facebook for runners/bikers/swimmers. Insanely incredible people. Like too good to be true people.

I do realize that at times, I seem obsessed with running. And perhaps, I am. Addicted may be a better word. But, you know what, if I have to be addicted to anything, I choose running. It makes me healthy. It makes me who I am. I don't define myself as a runner. But I do run. It is my passion. My lifetime passion.

The running community are a pretty awesome group. Honestly, I have never met a runner I did not like. And that is the truth. After the Brooklyn Half Marathon, a group of us went out for some food, my sister came along and she told me afterwards "WOW, what cool people you all are". Now, my awesome sister is doing the C25K running program. . When, she told me she was doing this, my heart leapt with joy. When she told me she ran for 90 seconds straight I had the biggest grin on my face. I must have looked like an even bigger dork than I already am. No worries, I didn't care. Just being able to share my passion with others, fills me with glee. Sister and I are running a 5K race on labor day weekend. We are doing it together and we will cross that finish line hand in hand.

When I broke my toe in January I was devastated but I knew I would be running again. When I got hit by a car way back in 1995 and shattered my ankle, oh I knew I would be running again. Running can be taken away from me, but I always get it back. Somehow, I just reach for it and it comes back to me. I may be much slower than I was, but I get the job done. I am not a quitter. If I start a race, I do not DNF unless I am injured and simply have to stop or else.

I have goals for the future. More races to be run. More PR's to be set. It will happen. If there is one thing I am positive about, it is running. It is sheer perfection.

Yeah, I run. Won't you join me?

Monday, August 24, 2009

If Today Was Your Last Day.

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

What would you do if today was your last day? I sure as heck don't know what I would do. I guess I would look back on all I didn't do and wonder. I would hate to live my last day with regrets. I want to live my last day as if it was my first day. Does that even make any sense to you? It does to me so I guess that is all that counts.

Today, I was told a funny story by my running buddy. Her just turned 2 year old granddaughter knocked on her door at 6am over the weekend and she said, very seriously "I need person please". How cool is that? She is 2 yet she needs a person. She reached out to somebody because she needed something and didn't know where to turn. I laughed when I heard the story but it really made me think. So profound even from a little girl.

From the film Contact in which the alien shares his observations:

You're an interesting species . . . an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone. Only you're not.

See, in all our searching the only thing we found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.

I just figured out what I would do on my last day. Simple really. I would get two awesome red velvet cupcakes and two really strong french roast cups of coffee and I would invite a friend.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Caring is fucking creepy.

I got the biggest laugh ever yesterday. I laughed and I laughed until I was writhing on the floor, really uncontrollably for about 15 seconds. Yeah, thats all the time I gave it or had time for. See, I have a life.

I detest bloggers who are so uncreative they simply and simply being the key word here, they simply copy and paste other peoples words. I suppose when life is a bore, they need to look elsewhere for ideas. It's ok, I wouldn't except anything more.

But the real question is, why? I believe it is a call for attention of some sort. You know, woah is me....come read the words of another person and be amused. Wanna see the words? Sure, why not!!

Goodness! I have been blocked! Rec'd this email today:

(OH WOAH IS ME - I've been blocked from facebook) Need a kleenex?

i don't know if you've seen but i decided at this time to take you off my facebook as well as me taking me off of your facebook. if you would like an explantation I can provide you with one, but I feel its for the best. It is not as though I have anything to hide, because I never ever write anything personal or private on my facebook. When i see what you write, and I don't click onto your page, I just see it on my homepage, I scratch my head in disbelief. Wondering why you would write for the whole world to see all your personal business. It is odd to me. I just don't want to be reading about all that so I removed you.
I have really done a lot of thinking and I think it is for the best if we cease contact with each other. While I appreciate you asking about my running the half marathon, we really have nothing to say to one another. You have a lot on your plate and I really have no place in your world nor do you in mine. We are just too different and I can't see us having any sort of friendship now or probably ever.
I don't mean to be harsh. I also don't get why the forum people still come and read my blog. That is another thing that baffles me. I left there and people are still interested in what I have to say. With the way I curse on my blog you would think the forum peeps wouldn't want any part of that.
Anyway, I wish you all the best -----. Stay healthy, eat healthy, continue biking or whatever you do for exercise. That guy ----seems to be leading you in the right direction, I guess. Except, you should be able to eat whatever the heck you want to eat.
I am actually doing really great and I am in a good place now.

I'm not upset about this at all. People I have shared this with find it amusing.

Guess what? I feel really uncreative right now.
I'm not upset about this at all. People I have shared this with find it amusing!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I guess that's the point of it all.

“Re-examine all you have been told…Dismiss what hurts your Soul”

Walt Whitman

Amanda Palmer - The Point Of It All
Oh what a noble distiguished collection of fine little friends you have made
hitting the tables without you again no we'll wait no we promise we'll wait
june makes these excellent sewing machines out of common industrial waste
she spends a few months at a time on the couch
but she's safe she wears shades she wears shades
oh but no one can stare at the wall as good as you my baby doll
and you're racist for playing along
you're only human after all
and youre learning that just 'cause they call themselves friends
doesnt mean they'll call
they made the comment and just
but youve got the needle I guess that's the point of it all

Sometimes, endings are just new beginnings.

“ i always wanted a happy ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. gilda radner

Most times, there aren't happy endings. And today is one of those days. I did what I was thinking about doing for a while and while the finality of it makes me wonder, the new beginning makes me happy!

I think we all know when something in our life is not healthy or good for us. We all know this, but some of us don't ever do anything about it. It takes a strong person to let go of something that was in the present but belongs in the past, where it should really stay for safe keeping.

I suck at saying what needs to be said. I really do. I am a big fucking chicken and I hate that part of me. I am working on it though. There is a lot to be said for honesty and being open and I love people who can be that way with me, so why not return the favor?

I read something on a blog that really upset me, so I want to make sure I end it "well". Enough said.

I realize, I am being very cryptic here and for that I apologize, just know I am doing what needs to be done and I move on.

Whoever is reading this, know that I wish you well. EVERYBODY!!

Anyway, being a crazed ADD blogger, I am on to another topic. Perhaps, you have noticed that the NYC Half Marathon widget on the right side of my blog is no longer there. If not, take a look, you won't see it. It is over. I have run it and finished it. Here are some thoughts:

The song by Eminem – Till I Collapse was going through my mind.
Sometimes you just feel tired.You feel weak. And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you,gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation to not give up, and not be a quiter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

Ok, it wasn’t quite that dramatic but I am a bit disappointed in myself. I did not quit but I did not reach my goal. It was not for lack of trying, but it was hot and I guess it just wasn’t my day.

My garmin really screwed up on the splits because it says I ran mile 9 in 7.14. Hmmm, maybe I did?

Don’t get me wrong, I have zero regrets with the way I handled myself at the Half Marathon, In fact, quite the contrary. It would have been very easy to say FUCK THIS and walk out of the park into Starbucks and sip on an iced coffee, while watching the rest of the race go by!! But, not once did that cross my mind. All I thought about was getting through the park and out onto Times Square where there was a nice downhill and lots of shade. I was happy when we finally left Central Park and was able to run up 7th Ave Times Square. Lots of spectators and music to keep my mind distracted. Then I thought, if I can just get through mile without thinking about the next mile, everything would fall into place!

I am not one to write a mile by mile race report. Not my style and honestly I don’t remember each mile and how I felt. If I can sum up my feelings I would have to say I really thought I had a shot at sub 2.30 but it quickly became apparent, due to the heat, my goal wasn’t going to be met. So, then I switched my mind set to beating my Brooklyn Half Marathon time of 2.40.18. That too, kinda faded and as that reality hit me, so did my speed or what was left of it.

I trained for this race. I really do not think I could have done much more than I did. Admittedly, I truly believe if this race was run 2 months from now, I would be writing a very different race report. But, then again – who knows really.

I feel good. I am not injured except for a nagging and not new knee/thigh pain – left foot. Each and every race run is a learning experience. There were lots of folks walking and many had slower finishing times due to the heat. I was proud to be running with the best of the best. Running is the only sport where us amateurs can run with the elites. We get the same medals as they do!! SWEET!

Throw your hands in the air!!

All in all a great race that I would love to run again next year. Well organized and fun. But, no massages at the end and no dancing either.
13.1 miles 2.44.47 12.34 min/mile.

“ you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. tupac shakur

"Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help."

Friday, August 7, 2009

there's a light that never goes out.

Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
Who are young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one anymore

Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people
And I want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh please don't drop me home
Because it's not my home, it's their home
And I'm welcome no more

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

Take me out tonight
Take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
And in the darkened underpass
I thought Oh God, my chance has come at last
But then a strange fear gripped me
And I just couldn't ask

Take me out tonight
Oh take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one
No, I haven't got one

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes in to us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

Is this not a fabulous photo or painting? Takes my breathe away.

WHATEVER: an expression of (reluctant) agreement, indifference, or begrudging compliance.

Oh how I dislike this word WHATEVER! It means pure indifference or how about "I didn't listen or hear a word you just said" so WHATEVER!! It hits me deep in my flabby tummy and finally yesterday I confronted the person who always always says it to me and told this person I do not like it.

I won't divulge the response but lets just say "WHATEVER"

I am digging The Smith's right now. Not much else to say there.

Something that really irks me:
There are people reading my blog that at one point wanted nothing to do with me? Blacklisted me if you will. What up with that yo?

My running has been glorious lately. Next Sunday is the NYC Marathon and I am getting increasingly more excited for the day to arrive. Lots of fun stuff - If your in the NYC area on August 16th, perhaps become a spectator?
Spectator-Friendly Areas
Tell your family and friends to watch your race from one of two exciting locations: The newly revamped Broadway Plaza Mall in Times Square, including a Sing-Along with Broadway performers and a festive Cheering Zone, or the walkway near the Battery Park finish, an option that’s available for the first time this year.

Amazing Entertainment
With 17 entertainment areas along the course, you’ll stay motivated! Enjoy Times Square, including the giant video screen where song lyrics will flash as you run by. At the Battery Park festival, dance competitions of all types will amaze, and free massages shouldn’t be missed.
Enjoy the Amenities
This year’s NYC Half-Marathon will include several course improvements, such as more fluid stations, medical tents, and misting stations to help runners deal with summer conditions. For the first time, PowerBar Gel Blasts will be available at mile 9 to energize you.

I don't live by any rules. So, there!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

“take care of all your memories, for you cannot relive them.” - bob dylan

1992 Infiniti G20 - my car for the last 17 years has been put to rest. She has served me well over the years and I shall miss her dearly.

“alone. Yes, that’s the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.” - stephen king.

“The transmission is dead!” He said.

“Can it be fixed,” I asked (my knowledge of auto repair can be contained in a thimble).

Junk it" He said. The car ain't worth more than $200.

A 1992 Infiniti G20 was taken off of life support and allowed to stall peacefully on August 5, 2009. It was 17 years old with over just over 85,000 miles on its first and only engine.

This Car had just one owner and two drivers.

This Infiniti had a very exciting life, residing in Brooklyn, New York. The car had been driven in at least 5 different states and It has survived various bouts with leaks, flying sun roof glass, bad AC, brake failures, and anonymous fender-benders.

One of it greatest accomplishments was driving through a flooded viaduct on Ocean Parkway without stalling or floating away, despite the headlights being under water. It has also taken some people to various hospitals for emergency care.

The car received only three tickets. One for a parking violation in Brooklyn, one for speeding on the Belt Parkway and and one for doing 75MPH in a 55MPH zone The speed limit on that road is now 60 MPH.

For “just–in–case” situations, my car always carried emergency items. They included battery jumper cables, a Swiss Army knife, flashlight, blanket, minor medical items, road flares, matches, an air pump - - and lollypops. And my car always … always … passed inspection. Never a failing grade. Together, we had amenities not to be found on today’s cars: A cassette player … room for three people to sit in the back seat … push-button entrance panel outside the drivers seat (never a worry about locking key in car). It’s difficult not to use the female gender, “her”, when referring to my car. To do so, “she” had such a good-looking sleek exterior, and an interior comfort. From time-to-time, I would hand pat the dashboard, as one does with a pet & say: “Good car. Good car!”

So, I'm good. A tear or three was shed, but I am going green now. Way better for the environment right?


Will be my new ride!

Truth is, everyone is fucked up. Some people choose to accept that fact, while others choose to be annoying by bitching about insignificant little problems like, how they can never find matching socks, or how they spilled coffee on their newspaper this morning.