Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I guess that's the point of it all.

“Re-examine all you have been told…Dismiss what hurts your Soul”

Walt Whitman

Amanda Palmer - The Point Of It All
Oh what a noble distiguished collection of fine little friends you have made
hitting the tables without you again no we'll wait no we promise we'll wait
june makes these excellent sewing machines out of common industrial waste
she spends a few months at a time on the couch
but she's safe she wears shades she wears shades
oh but no one can stare at the wall as good as you my baby doll
and you're racist for playing along
you're only human after all
and youre learning that just 'cause they call themselves friends
doesnt mean they'll call
they made the comment and just
but youve got the needle I guess that's the point of it all

Sometimes, endings are just new beginnings.

“ i always wanted a happy ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. gilda radner

Most times, there aren't happy endings. And today is one of those days. I did what I was thinking about doing for a while and while the finality of it makes me wonder, the new beginning makes me happy!

I think we all know when something in our life is not healthy or good for us. We all know this, but some of us don't ever do anything about it. It takes a strong person to let go of something that was in the present but belongs in the past, where it should really stay for safe keeping.

I suck at saying what needs to be said. I really do. I am a big fucking chicken and I hate that part of me. I am working on it though. There is a lot to be said for honesty and being open and I love people who can be that way with me, so why not return the favor?

I read something on a blog that really upset me, so I want to make sure I end it "well". Enough said.

I realize, I am being very cryptic here and for that I apologize, just know I am doing what needs to be done and I move on.

Whoever is reading this, know that I wish you well. EVERYBODY!!

Anyway, being a crazed ADD blogger, I am on to another topic. Perhaps, you have noticed that the NYC Half Marathon widget on the right side of my blog is no longer there. If not, take a look, you won't see it. It is over. I have run it and finished it. Here are some thoughts:

The song by Eminem – Till I Collapse was going through my mind.
Sometimes you just feel tired.You feel weak. And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you,gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation to not give up, and not be a quiter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

Ok, it wasn’t quite that dramatic but I am a bit disappointed in myself. I did not quit but I did not reach my goal. It was not for lack of trying, but it was hot and I guess it just wasn’t my day.

My garmin really screwed up on the splits because it says I ran mile 9 in 7.14. Hmmm, maybe I did?

Don’t get me wrong, I have zero regrets with the way I handled myself at the Half Marathon, In fact, quite the contrary. It would have been very easy to say FUCK THIS and walk out of the park into Starbucks and sip on an iced coffee, while watching the rest of the race go by!! But, not once did that cross my mind. All I thought about was getting through the park and out onto Times Square where there was a nice downhill and lots of shade. I was happy when we finally left Central Park and was able to run up 7th Ave Times Square. Lots of spectators and music to keep my mind distracted. Then I thought, if I can just get through mile without thinking about the next mile, everything would fall into place!

I am not one to write a mile by mile race report. Not my style and honestly I don’t remember each mile and how I felt. If I can sum up my feelings I would have to say I really thought I had a shot at sub 2.30 but it quickly became apparent, due to the heat, my goal wasn’t going to be met. So, then I switched my mind set to beating my Brooklyn Half Marathon time of 2.40.18. That too, kinda faded and as that reality hit me, so did my speed or what was left of it.

I trained for this race. I really do not think I could have done much more than I did. Admittedly, I truly believe if this race was run 2 months from now, I would be writing a very different race report. But, then again – who knows really.

I feel good. I am not injured except for a nagging and not new knee/thigh pain – left foot. Each and every race run is a learning experience. There were lots of folks walking and many had slower finishing times due to the heat. I was proud to be running with the best of the best. Running is the only sport where us amateurs can run with the elites. We get the same medals as they do!! SWEET!

Throw your hands in the air!!

All in all a great race that I would love to run again next year. Well organized and fun. But, no massages at the end and no dancing either.
13.1 miles 2.44.47 12.34 min/mile.

“ you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. tupac shakur

"Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help."
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