Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Random acts of kindness....Cool right?

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."
Mahatma Gandhi

From Wikpedia:

A random act of kindness is a purportedly selfless act performed by a person or persons wishing to either assist or cheer up an individual or in some cases even an animal. There will generally be no reason other than to make people smile, or be happier. Either spontaneous or planned in advance, random acts of kindness are encouraged by various communities. An oft-cited example of a random act of kindness is, when paying the toll at a toll booth on a highway, to pay the toll for the vehicle behind you as well.

To me, this is the ultimate way to live my life! I do not seek, want or care about receiving anything! I do, however want and care about being kind, loving, and to posess a soul that i can be proud of. I have a kind soul. KS to be short!

I believe in going out of my way to brighten someone else’s day. It’s something I live by and I love it. I think that no one is exempt from kind acts no matter how unkind, uncaring they are. Maybe, it will make someone stop and think for a moment. If only for a moment, i have done my job.

There's so much kindness that can be done that is not hard on the wallet or mind!

1. Compliment three people everyday.

2. Be the first to say hello.

3. Treat everyone like you would want to be treated.

4. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.

5. Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.

6. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

7. Be tough-minded, but tenderhearted.

8. Be kinder than necessary.

9. Keep your promises.

10. Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don't feel like it.

11. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them

Today, a woman in a parking lot literally called me an asshole. Why? Because i innocently asked her if she was pulling out of her spot, then i asked the gentlemen parked next to her, she thought i was asking her again, hence the "hey asshole" remark! I really thought for a moment i heard wrong, but nope it was quite clear. This woman clearly has not found a place in her life where she can be peaceful.

I am not a fighter. I have never even had a real fist fight in my entire life (except with my sister, play fighting) and i fear if i was ever in that kind of situation, i would be badly hurt. So, i avoid this at all costs. Why fight? The concept of fighting, to me is very foreign. I do not know how to fight physically, but more importantly with words because the only words i know are kind words. If i sense tension i try to use humor or reasoning to make it go away! I don't know, maybe i am good at avoiding certain situations that make me uncomfortable.

Sometimes, kindness or giving does not need to be in a form of monetary terms.....
It can be just a simple smile, a gentle word or a helping hand... and that already can make a lot of difference in another person's life......
To some people....this can a gentle nudge to put them back onto their feet...

Yet, I wonder how many of us can cultivate that thought?? Sharing is nice. Holding the door for an elderly person is nice. Even nicer, giving up your seat on the bus for an elderly or disabled person. I try to help any way i can. But...

I am far from perfect and i did react in a bad way to the woman who called me an asshole! I did, i admit it. I reacted before thinking that maybe this woman needed my help. She seemed a bit frazzled, maybe she was just having a bad day? It's hard to sort of put that spin on it, but you never know if you could just talk to someone and make them realize that calling someone an asshole is just not cool.

So, now you know my take on the wonder that is "random acts of kindness". This concept resonates with me so much. I would also like to thank Melissa over at raw toddler alex for the inspiration to write this post! There is nothing better than seeing the smile on another person's face and knowing that you put it there!

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
- Helen Keller

Friday, April 25, 2008

Intestines in hand....OR the return of prime time TV!

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book. ~Groucho Marx

I sat down to watch Grey's Anatomy last night and i must say i was very disappointed. I feel as if the writer's just threw together a story just so they could get the show back on the air. I admit, i used to love this show! Now i find it insipid and dull.

So, here's what i think. I am happy there was a writer's strike. Why? Because i no longer "need" to watch TV. I lost my interest in the shows that i once loved. They bore me to death.

I would much rather settle in with a good book, discover a new raw recipe, spend quality time with friends or family, or just be by myself to ponder things. Oh and of course listen to music. Thats a no brainer.

I did view some excellent quality television recently on HBO! In Treatment and the John Adams mini series. I did not miss an episode of either of these 2 treats. John Adams especially. Seeing the history of the United States was very intense. The scene where George Washington was sworn in as our first president brought tears to my eyes. It really did.

I did not know this bit of history, Charles Adams, the 2nd son of John and Abigal died of alcoholism at 30 years of age and their daugher Abigail Adams died of breast cancer at the age of 48. Interesting huh? You should have seen the scene where they were removing her breast surgically. It was very intense and quite disturbing.

I no longer watch reality TV except for Top Chef. I find Top Chef fun and interesting. No more American Idol, Dancing with the stars or Hell's Kitchen. I'd rather blog. I'd rather read blogs.

I just think there is so much more to life than sitting by a screen watching people do things that just aren't real. I want real in my life.

So, to explain the "intestines in hand".....

Now onto the patients. We've got a trio of bear attack survivors, one who has his intestines in his hands. His brother survived relatively unscathed, and then that guy's wife had part of her scalp ripped off. She didn't seem to mind though, she referred to it as a scratch. Alex and Christina get stuck on stitching duty for intestines guy while Meredith helps the other two. Turns out they are newlyweds, and the husband refers to her as his rebound girl. He also touched the bear cub even though he knew he shouldn't. Red flags go off in Meredith's head who excitedly jumps up and yells, "Tumor!" Professional Mer, very professional.

Ha, i laughed when i saw the guy's wife with her scalp ripped off. If they were going for serious they missed the mark big time. I do not think i will watch anymore.

I ran 5 miles today. I really pushed hard. I felt almost as if i was in another dimension. I kept looking at my watch praying it would soon be over. Now don't get me wrong, i love to run but when i struggle it makes me frustrated. But, i did it. So thats a good thing. I sort of felt spacey right after and could hardly walk home. Water was the only thing on my mind.

So, its all coming together. Just need to overcome my health issue's and i'm ready to go. I need good vibes to come my way. I need to fight and be strong.

I need to turn off the TV and do some writing. Because i say that writing is sexy! Reading is sexy! But, TV...not so much!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The world spins madly on....Doesn't it?

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Today, the day after Earth day has to be a good day. Everybody did their part yesterday, our Earth must feel so much better. I felt it yesterday. I was in Manhattan most of the day and it was electric.

So, much happening yet it was very silent. People seemed to be deep in thought at every corner and on the bus i was riding. Green filled the air. Not only on the clothes we were wearing, but the smells and senses ooozed green.

Above, you will see a chair. Looks simple doesn't it? At the risk of sounding all crazy like, i have to tell you that "the chair" is special to me. This is my therapist's Liz's chair. It's where she plants her ass when i come to see her. It's a nice little chair, not the most comfy but it has meaning. It is the chair that Liz picked out for herself when she was designing this room.

I sat in it once. Not for the whole session, but for about 10 min. We switched places and it's funny, but when Liz sat where i normally sit, she looked so small to me and i felt like the one with the "power".

There it was! She showed me her vulnerable side. At that moment, and no other i realized that yes indeed, Liz is human. She has flaws just like the rest of us. Worries and concerns too. I went along all this time thinking she was, dare i say it...perfect. What is so bad about entering a room and having someone give you their undivided attention for 50 minutes and (at least) act like they care about you. This is both soothing and quite empowering.

Liz is human. She needs down time just like the rest of us humans.

But, i truly know she cares about me because she told me so. And i believe her. Sure, i am hard to deal with sometimes...she told me that too! But, i make her laugh even when i can't.

Lately, i've been much more serious in that room. We talk a lot about eating raw food. She never once critizied or put it down in any way.

I told a quick story here about me walking into therapy with a pastery that i bought out of sheer frustration for taking a wrong turn and getting completely and utterly lost on my way to therapy. So, i bought this nice pastery and brought it in with me. She took a look at it and me trying to get the saran wrap off of it and said very nicely "michelle, thats not raw is it?" So, i'm all like NO LIZ, DUH! Don't eat it, she said. At which point, i threw the damn thing at her. Well, it was more of a fling than a throw but you get my point here. She saved me from lots of possible guilt over eating it. (I wonder if she teared into that sucker when i left)

She encouraged me to be the best person i can be. I have learned to be much more open and honest, and to recognize my fears and articulate them to her. So, IMHO my therapy is helping ME! Nuff said.

In the city, yesterday i finally met a wonderful person named Duane. Here is his blog journal of a prize fighter. He's been through a lot but is, as he says..a true prize fighter! Good person, smart, funny..nice way to spend an afternoon. We talked for over 2 hours about pretty much anything and everything. I like Duane!

Health stuff: I need to go for this test...
A hysterosonogram is a procedure that allows doctors to examine the inside of the uterus and check for abnormalities with the use of ultrasound, which uses sound waves to produce an image.

1)I will be asked to remove my clothing from the waist down, and I will be given a sheet to cover myself
2)I will lie on an exam table, and my legs will be placed in stirrups.
The radiologist then cleans the vaginal area with a special soap.
3)A speculum (exam tool) is placed in the vagina. A small catheter (tube) is then placed into the vagina and through the cervix.
4)The sonographer then places the ultrasound probe and takes pictures of the uterus.
5)The radiologist then sends a small amount of saline into the uterine cavity through the catheter. The saline outlines the area to look for polyps, fibroids, or other problems.

UGH, UGH, and more UGH! I am so not a happy camper! I am too young, scared and so not in the mood. But...well you know, it has to be done! So, please send out some vibes my way please. Good vibes, funny vibes, whatever its up to you!

Other stuff to follow!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sassy people are into green.....

Earth Day 2008 - April 22nd...TUESDAY!

Will you take the train or bus to work? Start washing your laundry in cold water? Just turn off a few more lights?

How to be an Earth Trustee:
"Actions good or bad begin in the mind." Think, pray, talk and write about how you can be an Earth Trustee. Help your neighborhood or town to be an Earth Trustee community. Spread the word about recycling, planting trees, neighborhood gardens, composting and saving energy, healthy diet, sleep and exercise.

When you buy or invest, make choices that diminish pollution and poverty - that increase sustainable developement.When you buy or invest, make choices that diminish pollution and poverty - that increase sustainable development.

This is so easy! Us raw foodists are basically doing all this already. We do not really need a "day" to make it happen. Or an excuse to start...its already in our hearts. Spread love i always say.

Check this out won't you please heart felt video. It's quite beautiful in its simplistic message and lovely pictures. I know simply riding your bike to work or planting a tree in your neighborhood would make tons of difference in the way our Earth looks and feels to us.

What i think is so cool is that in reality the Earth is all of our "hoods" so we all live in the same "hood" don't we? We are neighbors. We can wave to each other each day when we leave our homes and then again when we return in the evening. There's so much to do and see its so incredible to me.

So, what do you say folks? What will your contribution be to our Earth be? How about a permaculture project like my good friend raw model is doing? Oh my god, think about it...he is going to literally be living off the land. This rocks my socks off on so many levels. Is Anastasia real? She sure is, living inside a raw model! :O) He is going to have it all. Guava, figs, meyer lemons, persimmons...PERSIMMONS folks. How i love thee persimmon. And so much more. I envy this man and his vision for his future and the future of us all really. He is making it happen.

What else? How about just a small plot of land to plant whatever it is you like to eat. Maybe tomatoes, some herbs...zucchini. Cucumbers, and peppers. My friend yardsnacker (don't ya love that name)? He already has a plot at a community garden and is going to plant all of the above PLUS he wants to grow some superfoods! Woah, makes me dizzy just thinking about it. I insist you check out his blog, his youtube videos ROCK!

So you probably wonder (to yourself i hope)...What the heck is Raw cool going to do? Yep, i will let you in on a little secret. I kinda wonder myself what to do. I know i must do something, but what? So, here's what i'm thinking. There is a wonderful park about 15 min from my "hood" Prospect park. Prospect Park is a 585 acre public park in the New York City borough of Brooklyn. As a work of engineering and landscaping Prospect Park was so revolutionary in its time that many considered the Park a work of art in itself. There is so much going on in the park, picnics, running paths, lakes, beautiful big trees, a about this: brooklyn botanical gardens?. I could literally spend a day here, if not more!

Anyway, i need to do something either at the park directly or at the gardens. You know my mind is constantly at thought about this. I will buy books to tell me how, or pick the brains of the people in the know. Then i will implement my thoughts into action. Let's all at least wear some green on Tuesday OK? Simple, i don't ask for much.

Now, i have to give a shout outz to some people who have been ROCKIN my world lately. Jenn jenn, Sue, Debs...shall i describe them individually? If i must...

Jenn jenn, she is caring, gorgeous, loving, honest and a beautiful human being! I'd like to share a little bit of what she says to me:

"We will never be perfect...good god that would be too easy. It's a constant struggle to accept who we are. The sooner we embrace it, the better off we will be. Easier said than done I know. But shit, you can run 5 miles a day, rock with the best of em, and make everyone smile and laugh. You my friend are a gift from above. Love you, Jenn"

My god, how can you not love this woman???

Sue, my sista is the smartest person i know. She's funny, hard working and i know she there for me no matter what! She is extremely into learning and embracing a healthy lifestyle! Just today, she called me from Whole Foods to discuss bee pollen and sea salt. She's Gorgeous too! friend, my cohort, i can so relate to her. So knowledgeable in practically everything! Her writing is amazing and i urge you to read her blog debbie does raw She too, is gorgeous!

So, sassy people lets ROCK Earth Day 2008! Do some recycling, ITS THAT EASY!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Silent rave hushes over Union Square tonight....FUCK YEAH!!!

"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams."

The basic premise is thousands of people turn up in a public place, plug in their own iPods, listen to their own music and dance and rave for hours!

So if you know where Union Square is then you should come by Silent Rave night, here are the official instructions.

The prospect of raving like you really don't care about what other people think, with thousands of fellow dancers, is a bloody brilliant one I think you'll agree!


Ok, my friends how cool is this? I realize this already started but i throught i would share with the world what the world comes up with! First a pillow fight and now this...

I will say though, i am not good in crowds so i probably wouldn't attend but i would sort of stand off to the side and silently rave all to myself. When i have my ipod plugged in, i am off in my own world anyway!

Tomorrow evening starts the 8 day holiday of Passover. I will be attending a seder at my uncles home (mom's bro). Now i know for a fact there will be absolutely no raw food for me to consume. They are not big on salads, in fact i cannot seem to remember a time when they served salad. So, what to do...i'm thinking of bringing my own but is that rude? They will so totally not get where i'm coming from with my raw eating. My cousin lives on Mcdonalds and some other unidentifiable meats. I certainly don't want to force my way of eating down their throats but i may have to educate them somewhat. So, next post i will talk more about the holiday of Passover.

I have a bit of a health issue lurking. It's concerning to me because i thought i was indestrutable. Damn, i run 5 miles and come home to a green smoothie! This shit isn't supposed to happen to me. Again, i will post more when i know more! Until then do not worry OK?

So whatever you are up to this evening, why don't you plug in, and dance a bit! The blogosphere (is that a word) is an amazing place, i love it so! :O)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

You know me so well, so what am i feeling?

Tuedsay again.

I'll not write about how hard my 1 day juice feast was and is! I'll not write about my day out and about (because it's one of the unspoken laws of the universe).

I'll tell you about Colin Meloy's new album, which is consuming me.

I'll tell you about days out with friends planned for this week.

I'll tell you about the upcoming Passover holiday and my concern to stay fairly raw!

I'll tell you about a sister who makes me laugh!

I'll tell you that I'm not the "glamorous foul-mouthed posh person" of twenty years ago, but that *this* is better.

So, what do you want to know?

Friday, April 11, 2008

You gotta be cruel to be kind....

If you can't be right, be wrong at the top of your lungs!!!

I have been having an intense debate with an online friend of mine. He is very adament about something that i totally disagree with. Namely, dating. More specifically, finding your soulmate.

He is totally into the Myers-Briggs personality types. Let me give you examples:

Carl Jung's theory of psychological types says each person is "wired" with different tendencies and preferences. Some of us are extraverted while others are introverted, some are "thinkers" while others are "feelers", and so on.

Better yet

16 personality types

take the test

Sure, its interesting, but i'll be damned if i would allow this one test to determine who i shall and shall not date and eventually marry.

He says:

"But the fact is if you look around in your own life you will see time after time that the people you connect best with are certain personality types. We are not going to agree on this because my J and your P think very differently."


"Different skill sets for different people - different strokes for different folks. The IeNeFP would much rather learn by experience and having the date because they fear misjudging someone. How many dates have you gone on where the guys were complete disasters? Its your preferences to experience dating in a way that makes you feel more comfortable. Great! More power to you. Its my preference to experience it my way. Which is avoiding dating people who are not compatible based on gathering the myriad of clues that we each reveal about ourselves - intentionally or not."

I am so glad, i am not so close minded! I have to say here, if he is reading, that i respect his opinions and life choices, i just do not agree is all.

I tell him, there is a great big world out there with many diverse people. We sort of owe it to ourselfs to expose ourselfs to all sorts of experiences. Heck, if i ignored that article i came across on eating raw food, i may have never even started this blog and met the most amazing people on earth!

It's like one thing, leads to the next and soon you are so much richer for the experience and love that you find all around you. I worry that my friend will never find true love. Love that he so desperately craves. I try to explain to him that there are very different kinds of love.

Love of family, love of amazing friends, love of music, writing, running, eating, sleeping, gosh too much love to handle some days! I certainly wouldn't ask my running buddies to take a personality test before i agree to run with them. I can just see me with pencils behind both ears, whipping them out so they can take the test! And, what happens if they did take the test and we were total opposites?

Gotta tell you, that would throw me for a loop. Because, in all actuality, my running buddies ARE very different from me. But, this is what makes it so interesting. If we were all the same, what a boring world this would be!

I hope i didn't lose anybody here! I'm just trying to reach out and agree that while having things in common make for good relationships, how about a little diversity? I know people with cancer, that i can totally relate too, but i don't have cancer. It's just me, adapting to people's needs. I can listen, be there and be a friend to just about anybody!

So, lets all think about this for a minute. Pure food and wine is not the only restaurant in the sea! Diversity baby!! Let's eat kale salad, or not! Green smoothies yeah! No greens, good too! To dehydrate or not? Either way dude...sprouts, beastie boys, ipods, colonics, brazil nut milk, almond butter, iphone, blogs, what else folks? How about some carrot apple juice? Good conversation, therapy, starbucks, green tea, reading, reading, reading! Maca, MSM, i like it raw, do you???

Diversity my friends! Don't pigeon hole yourself into thinking there's only one way of doing things! Heck, i know people who run backwards. Now, if i did that i would fall on my butt. AOL, Gmal, Yahoo, who cares? Hip hop and rap!! Fuck yeah!!!

I'm just saying!!!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Young at Heart....

“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.”

I am very excited about this. I must share. I've heard about this group a while ago and saw the trailer young at heart a few months ago. I've not forgotten it and since shared the youtube videos with friends and family.

There is something so magical to me about these folks. The average age is 82. They are having fun and loads of it. Music is really the universal language isn't it? They are rockin and so adorable doing it! I realize this movie is a documentary but come on, doesn't it put a smile on your face?

Are they raw foodists? Who cares really. They are living the remainder of their lives doing exactly what they want to do. Singing, dancing and being happy with each other. This is life.

Tonight, i came home from a dinnner out and noticed in my buildings rec room, a ping pong table. A man and woman were playing a pretty vigorous game. Another man saw me and shouted out loudly, "sorry, no kids allowed". This totally cracked me up. He came closer and still said no kids. I laughed and was all like "hey do i look like a kid to you?" He laughed once again and said "OK, sorry no you look about 25.

I'm so not 25 but it made me feel good. He then proceeded to ask me to play ping pong with him. I needed to get home, but i just may play a game or two with this nice older gentleman. It's fun no?

Now, don't get me wrong, life is not all about fun. There's time to be serious and adult like. I get off on good conversations. Interesting people and exploring my world. Pretty simple, i don't ask for much.

April 15th is fast approaching and i promised my terrific hardworking sister a dinner at Pure. She totally deserves this dinner because she is working her ass off for tax season. It's long hours and she is under intense pressure. I do not like to hear this because mostly she is a mild mannered girl. So, dinner will give her the opportunity to kick back and relax with a delicious raw meal.

The CSL New York first ever meet up is happening May 3rd. I am so psyched about this. I have been working hard with Amy to make this the best possible event. Lots of people will be attending and i am so excited to meet everybody! The great and awesome Kris Carr will be there too! How awesome is that? Hey, my therapist said she would be into coming, but unfortunately she is going to be in Europe at that time. She said maybe next time.

My running has improved greatly. I am doing a virtual 10K on the 10th of May. Should be great. I am also thinking of doing a local 5K in my neighborhood. I'm not so much into racing anymore but these events give me the motivation to run that extra mile. I am "in training". And, i have the running clothes to prove it.

So, lets go see Young at Heart and cheer these amazing folks on. They rock and i'm a little jealous that they get to learn these great songs. Now, brain is hurting. I N.E.E.D T.O. G.O. L.A.Y D.O.W.N. Tomorrow, is another day!

Two elderly widows were watching the folks go by from
their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've
been reading this Sex and Marriage book and all they
talk about is mutual orgasm. Mutual orgasm here and
mutual orgasm there that's all they talk about.
Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you
two ever have mutual orgasm?" Mable thought for a
long while. Finally she shook her head and said,
"No, I think we had State Farm."

Monday, April 7, 2008

Kick ass kale....

“The spring has sprung, the grass is rizz. I wonder where them birdies is?”

Kale is a leafy green vegetable that belongs to the Brassica family, a group of vegetables including cabbage, collards and Brussels sprouts that have gained recent widespread attention due to their health promoting, sulfur-containing phytonutrients. It is easy to grow and can grow in colder temperatures where a light frost will produce especially sweet kale leaves.

Kale is an excellent source of vitamin A, vitamin C and manganese. It is also a very good source of dietary fiber, copper, calcium, vitamin B6 and potassium. thats all

I will stop the technical jargon. No more, i say!

So, if your like me, and i know your out there will have consumed at one time or another a *drumroll please* massaged kale salad! Thanks to my good friend Anthony i have mastered the technique of massage. I think i can safely say, i can massage with the best of them!

It's really quite simple in technique and love. All you need are clean hands and an open heart. Oh, and some olive oil, lemons, sea salt and a big wooden bowl! Cut, or dice up to you...then add, then (here's the best part) massage away! You know, at first i was all like you've got to be kidding me!!! Massage a salad??? I was a bit perplexed.

Being an adventurous person, i decided to give it a go! I washed my hands, but then i thought once again who cares? The massaging commenced! Ya know, it felt kinda good, in a squishy strange way. The kale seemed responsive to me. Like i was molding it, exactly the way i wanted it to taste. I'm all like your kidding me. This is truly working!
*note* you must, must be in a good mood to get the most out of your massaging! Seriously!
Also, Chop at least twice as much kale as you want, because it will reduce considerably

I massaged my heart out! 10 minutes to be exact. The kale looked glowing. Glistening too! So, what i did was put the salad into smaller bowls to store away in fridge! I had 3 smaller bowls this sucker!!

I literally couldn't wait for dinner but i did wait because it was all the more exciting! I decided to add: hemp seeds, sundried tomatoes, olives and alfalfa sprouts, oh and a beautiful avocodo! All good, all fresh, all quite delicious!

Kale kicks ass! Kale rocks! Theres' so much more i could say, but i'm all like hmm i could lose readers if i go on and on about a simple green. Not so simple though if it makes me feel so freakin good!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Yo, ShOuT OuTZ.......

SHOUT, shout
let all your feelings out
no matter how you do it
you should never keep it down
cause it will surround you
and soon it will drown you

SCREAM, scream
at the top of your lungs
you'll bob so much harder
and meanwhile you'll get life
it's all around you, just stop
and then it will astound you

Ok, now that i'm done with the videos, pictures and lyrics i want to get down to it! I've been thinking i need to do this. A shout out if you will. I am grateful to all of my new friends. Bloggers, raw foodists, CSL peeps, all of you! The love is constantly flowing, its there all of the time. I feel this. It makes me feel good. Good is a great way to feel. Isn't it?

There's so much to say here. I really feel as though i am a different person. Inside and out! First...since going raw...drumroll please!!! I have lost 24lbs. In 6 months!!!! Now, i don't know about you but this feels mighty awesome. I am not done. I want to lose more. 16 more. That will be 40 total. I can live with that.

I feel and see the difference in so many ways. My hair for example. The curls are just so bouncy and wild. I like wild. Soft too. My nails, they grow like the dickens. They look healthy. My mind, more clear and vivid. Lots of emotional detoxing going on. This is good on so many levels. Just ask my therapist. Music! It just draws me in! Cannot function without my ipod. Also good. I run! Not in circles i might add. Real running, 5 miles at a time. Endorphins kicking around in and out and all over. I see the sun rise. Every day...can you imagine how this makes me feel. To see the day literally starting right in front of me. Sweet!!

Then there are the days i spend in New York City. This city truly pulls me in. There is much going on in the city of my birth. Sometimes, i admit too much. That is the time i will find a quiet area, and yes there are quiet areas in New i will find an area and just fall still. For however long it takes. No rush. No cell phone, no music, i block it all out and breathe. Then i reenter the city and continue on my merry way! It's just so easy now. Nothing bothers me anymore. Well, ok i'm human of course things get to me, but now i know how to handle these things.

I have so many opportunities and a few projects that i am so excited about. Everything is falling into place. Slowly, but surely its happening for me. So, here is my official SHOUT OUTZ to each and every one of you! I thank you for being there for me and loving me! I love you all more than ever!!

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Let Michelle be Michelle.....

You say it's all in my head
And the things I think just don't make sense
So where you been then? Don't go all coy
Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault
See I can see that look in your eyes
The one that shoots me each and every time

It has occured to me that at times, friends, relatives and the occassional stranger think i'm something that i'm not. A fake? A loser? A poser?

A poser is someone who tries hard to be something they arent. Usually, posers call other people posers because they are jealous that the person they called a poser is more skater/stoner/goth/punk/rocker/grunge/etc. than they will ever be.

Today, i was called irreverent!
Courageous, straightforward, having mass appeal, but likely to offend. Challenging the status quo, rocking the boat. So, while this may sound bad, i think it totally ROCKS! I want to rock the boat. I want to feel courageous. Wait, no i am courageous! I tell it like it is. Never mean, but honest!

After Saturday's successfully raw event i have decided to embrace the lifestyle once again. I've been comsuming green smoothies this week for breakfast and they are awesome! I've been adding bee pollen to the mix so this should give me the boost i'm looking for. Plus, i've been taking MSM and Maca. Both excellent products.

The energy at this event was so palpable, so intense it just brought me to my knees. There is nothing like gathering 100+ people in a room together and all these people are on the same wavelength. Everything that was said or even not said resonated with these people. There was a connection unlike anything i've ever experienced.

I know i'm not perfect, nor do i want to be. I just want to live a life of peace and tranquility and yeah a bit of irreverence. I certainly don't want to conform to the way others see me. The people i choose to surround myself with just see me. No judgements or complaints.

I've been working on something recently. For some odd reason, when i am in situations where the potential is there for me to get upset or stressed, i do not remove myself from said situation. Instead, i let the situation upset me to the point of panic attacks. Ok, we all know, not only is this not healthy, its quite ridiculous! So, i am working very hard on knowing when to remove myself, hang up the phone, go to my room and close the door or just go for a walk!

I will not endure panic attacks for the rest of my life. Feeling like you might die at any moment is not a fun feeling. I have been taught some deep breathing exercises which help, but does not prevent them. Eh, i guess this is life. Even, sitting here quietly writing about it gives me a feeling of "Yikes, am i sharing too much?" "Will my friends here, still be my friends here?"

Stop it Michelle! I like to think of myself as an intelligent optimist. I am as intelligent as the next guy and believe me i work to be positive day in and day out. For me, i feel there is no other way.

Anyway, so Adele! I'm loving her right now and i'm pissed because her CD "19" will not be released in the US until summer 08. She's 19 years old and has the voice of an angel. Here's my wish: I want to be able to do with a pen, what Adele does with her voice. Create something that others want to read and enjoy. Not so much to ask is it??