Friday, May 29, 2009

I Win - Sam Please Pick A Winner!

It's not like I win something every day. In fact, I NEVER win. So, I think this is an amazing omen. Today, I won. What?

I won a 1/2 bag of chia seeds from my beautiful friend Debs at debbie does raw. How fucking cool is that??

I am pretty darn excited because chia seeds are extremely healthy. chia seeds direct

But here is what Debs has on her blog:
Chia seeds have been a staple food source for the American Native people for centuries (long before the Chia Pet hit the market). Aztec warriors would eat chia during hunting trips, and the Indians of the Southwest would eat only chia seed mixed with water as they ran from the Colorado River to the Pacific Ocean to trade products.

The Richest Source of Omega-3

Chia seeds and oil naturally contain more than 60% Omega-3 fatty acid, this is the highest percentage of Omega-3 of any commercially available source. The body converts Omega-3 from chia into EPA and DHA. Chia has no odor, doesn’t go rancid, easy to store, easy to use, has very little flavor/taste and is not contaminated with pesticides, chemicals or heavy metals.

Got Protein? Chia Does!
High in Protein Chia seed is a complete source of dietary protein, providing all the essential amino acids. Compared to other seeds and grains, chia seed provides the highest source of protein, between 19 to 23 percent protein by weight. One of the unique qualities of the chia seed is its ability to absorb more than nine times its volume in water or other liquid. This ability can prolong hydration and retain electrolytes in body fluids, especially during exertion or exercise. Normal fluid retention ensures electrolyte dispersion across cell membranes, maintains fluid balances, and aids normal cellular function.

Get Things MOVING with Chia!
Source of Fiber

Chia seed produces a thick mucilage in water, absorbing up to 30 times its weight in water. This soluble fiber cleans the intestines by binging and transporting debris from the intestinal walls so that it can be eliminated efficiently and regularly. A daily dose of chia seed provides an excellent fiber source and most people notice a different in less than a week.

Energy/Antioxidants and No Gluten

Chia contains the usual Vitamin C, ferulates and Vitamin E but the real secret is the Cinnamic acids that guard the omega-3 oils from oxidation. This is why chia is a stable product for years! With no gluten, virtually no sodium, nor reported allergic reactions, grown without pesticides or toxicants. Chia has a high energy to weight ratio (more than wheat, corn, rice or oats) that makes it a favorite choice of long distance runners and other athletics .

Crazy ass healthy. There are tons of cool recipes too. When I decide what I am going to do with my chia seeds, I will post some linky love.

Thank you Debs and Sam for picking me. I appreciate it and love you guys.

But, what I think is even more chia cool is that I won something special 1 day before a special day. If that is not good luck karma than nothing is. RIGHT??

I won. I will win. I am a winner no matter what. This is how I am approaching life and life's race. It is the only way. Well, it's my way.

So, lets get it going. I will make the Brooklyn Half Marathon my bitch. My thing. Mr. Ted is running with me. Mr. Ted is Mr. Awesome as far as I am concerned. I also have Mr. Chris and Ms Christie. They are my running peeps. No other words there.

My sista Sue will be there too. To see me finish what I started. I love you sista!!

I have my outfit picked out mostly - my socks and kicks too.

I am going with my Brooks Defyance - Can you guess why?
I am spending the rest of today hydrating - eating well and visualizing myself crossing the finish line. With a smile on my face and a skip in my step.

I would love to ask please - my running mentor/friend/doctor just had her second grandchild born. A BOY! He is a bit jaundice so please some good thoughts out to him. COOL!!! He is 3 days old today!

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up...
A lot of people run a race to see who's the fastest. I run to see who has the most guts.
Steve Prefontaine

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Do You Know Your Enemy?

Know Your Enemy

Green Day - Know Your Enemy
Do you know the enemy?
Do you know your enemy?
Well, gotta know the enemy

Violence is an enemy
Against the enemy
Violence is an energy

Bringing on the fury
The choir infantry
Revolt against the honor to obey

Overthrow the effigy
The vast majority
Burning down the foreman of control

Silence is the enemy
Against your urgency
So rally up the demons of your soul

The insurgency will rise
When the bloods been sacrificed
Don't be blinded by the lies
In your eyes

Violence is an energy
From here to eternity
Violence is an energy
Silence is the enemy
So gimme gimme revolution

Do you know the enemy?
Do you know your enemy?
Well, gotta know the enemy

Overthrow the effigy
The vast majority
Burning down the foreman of control

Silence is the enemy
Against your urgency
So rally up the demons of your soul

I know my enemy and my enemy is ME!! Up there - that photo is the enemy after my 5 mile run today. I will not run again until Saturday. The day of the NYRR Half Marathon Grand Prix Brooklyn or for those in the know - The fucking Brooklyn Half Marathon that raw cool has been talking about for the last gagillion years!! Yeah that one!

I have done all I can to prepare but I do not feel at all prepared. I ran my heart out even when it hurt to do so. I felt tired and annoyed at myself more than ever. My body kept rebelling against me. Over and over again. I would have 1 good pain free day of pure bliss only to run the next day with pain in places I never knew existed.

I had xray after xray and a scary MRI that turned me into an alien for a few days.

But, though it all I ran. And iced! And stretched. Well just a little but it will become more a part of my running routine. I also complained and whined and cried and cursed to anybody who would listen. Mostly, I was complaining and whining and crying and cursing to the enemy that was ME!!

I am very hard on myself. I don't accept what I can do, but think of what I used to be able to do and yearn for that again. It ain't gonna happen. I am older thought not wiser. My body simply cannot do what it once did. Nor should I except it to.

The other day I took out all my old racing bibs and lovingly caressed them and I almost had an orgasm remembering.

Once upon a time way back in 1994 raw cool ran a half marathon in 1.43.44. What that means in laymen terms is:
Raw cool ran 13.1 miles in 7.55 min/mile!

Once upon a time way back in 0000 raw cool ran a 5 mile race in 36.22 What that means in laymen terms is:
Raw cool ran 5 miles in 7.16 min/mile!

Once upon a time way back in 0000 raw cool ran a 10K race in 45.13. What that means in laymen terms is:
Raw cool ran 6.2 miles in 7.17 min/mile!

Once upon a time way back in 0000 raw cool ran a 5K in 21.31. What that means in laymen terms is:
Raw cool ran 3.1 miles in 6.56 min/mile! WAIT WHAT???? Even I can't believe that one!

Did you all reach orgasm reading that?? YES? Then my job is done!

I am feeling many emotions right now. But the #1 emotion that is creeping through is


For what? You figure it out!!

My goal for the race is twofold. Of course #1 is to finish the thing. My #2 goal is to finish with a respectable time. Here's the thing: What is a respectable time? For me or for anyone trying to run a half marathon? It's within reach and just a bit faster. I won't mention the time that I want to cross the finish line in. You know, JINX and all.

It will be special to me no matter what. I have also decided that even if I do get picked for the NYC marathon, I will not run it this year. I will defer it until next year. 2010.

Since I broke my toe in January I have learned so much about stuff. SO FUCKING MUCH.

So, yes my enemy is ME! I have to work on that. Why have an enemy at all? I just want to enjoy running for the sheer bliss it gives to me. For the sheer love of the run. I have a lot to learn even though I am not a new runner. But, each run is new and special and wonderful. So each run makes me a new runner. A better runner. A smarter runner.

Wish me luck folks. You know that running easy is an oxymoron right?? BRING.IT.ON.BITCH!!!

"Beyond the very extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own, sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction."

William James, philosopher

"Tough times don't last but tough people do." - I am tough. So tough!


Monday, May 25, 2009

Live Long And Whatever....

So, Happy Memorial Day.

What did I do? Well, I asserted the very natural dorky nerd in me by viewing the film Star Trek. DOES.THAT.MAKE.ME.A.NERD???

You bet your ass it does. In a raw cool kinda amazing way.

It was fun.

But my mind was elsewhere. It was acutely aware of all my aches and pains and itchy blisters. My mind was acutely aware of time spinning out of control and that in 5 days I would be running some stupid half marathon that I've been talking about like forever!!

Still, though I enjoyed Star Trek. I am not nor will I ever be a "trekkie"
A trekkie, or trekker, describes avid fans of the Star Trek television franchises. If you call someone a trekkie, he or she may be offended and tell you that the correct term is trekker. There is significant dispute on this point. Some trekkers believe that a trekkie is someone so obsessed with the series that he has “no life,” while a trekker is simply a big fan.

1. A fan of the series or movies " Star Trek ". Most often times discribed as an obsessive nerd. We are not all that geeky.

Me, an obsessive nerd?? Umm, NO!

I am just a regular NERD like the rest of you are. I do not obsess about things. RIGHT? DO I?? I don't.

So, yeah it was fun. Except for the man sitting next to me sucking down M&M's. I smelled them dude. It was like M&M perfume. You could have offered me a few, but ok I forgive you.

So, Happy Memorial Day!

What did you DO??

puisi yang indah..indah sekali sobat???
The beautiful poetry .. beautiful comrade.

If you're really honest, Michelle, you have to admit that things today, in your most amazing life, at this most amazing time in history, are far better than they've ever, ever been.
Well done,
The Universe

Of course!!


Friday, May 22, 2009

The Pace Is The Trick...

Interpol - Pace Is The Trick
You can't hold it too tight
These matters of security
You don't have to be wound so tight
Smoking on the balcony
But it's like sleaze in the park
You women you have no self-control,
We angels remark outside
You are known for insatiable needs
I don't know a thing

I've seen love
And I follow the speed in the starlight
I've seen love
And I follow the speed in the starswept night

Yeah pace is the trick
And to all the destruction in man

Well I see you as you take your pride, my lioness
Your defences seem wise I cannot press
And attentions at demise, my lioness
Can't you hurt it some, think I hurt it

I've seen love and I follow the speed in the starlight
I've seen love

I am going to be following the speed in the starlight tomorrow. The pace is the trick, you see. There is no other way.

Oh and I had a haircut today. Can you tell? My curly hair, if straight would be down half way my back. The curls keep it in check.

Happy Memorial Day to each and every single one of you. It should be a great one. The only thing I do not get is the unofficial start of summer complete with "air" quotes. What the fuck is that about? If its 80 degrees it is summertime dude!!

My energy level is up about 90%. I can't wait to get out on the road tomorrow and do my thing. 10 miles on the schedule. Awesomeness to follow.

When the external begins to define the internal, Michelle, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a god.

Trust me, "god" is better.
The Universe

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.
Mother Teresa


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Good Day...

Tally Hall - GOOD DAY
I'd like to say hello and welcome you good day that is my name
Come here and sit down I'm so glad you even really truly came
We can even go and take a walk or something like that or something like that
But first i need to introduce my what and introduce my when

Let us sing!

Its a name i like to call it likes to say it's nothing (it's nothing)
It lives and breathes and it insists that it insists that it is something (it's something)
It never liked to speak or run or walk or sleep or eat (oh-ee oh-ee oh)
It even thought that everybody tried to thought to take its seat
Looking through glass eyes
Giving a few tries
Nothing goes right in its time
Kill all its bad dreams
Wonder 'bout no things
Circles and spirals in mind

But we know that this song is not about a no or yes or why
What's really truly what i say is that about a little sigh
So come along i think I'm done i think we're done yes this is done
What's truly that i think about it and it thinks about a ton

I thought you knew i knew but
Why and by and why and by and by
I wanted you to know
I thought you knew but
Why and by and why

Let us sing!

Birds and bees and television
Cardboard houses, x-ray vision
Many little silly rhymes
Things forgotten lost their times
Telephones and silly games
Periods and lots of question marks

Let's SING! Let's talk American Idol. So, I didn't watch the entire season except in 5-10 second snippets as it was blaring in the background. Sure, I knew there was some guy named Adam who sang the fuck out of Mad World and made me love that song all over again. Sure, I knew about Kris because he seemed like an all-around good guy. But that was the extent of my American Idol knowledge this season. Oh and Danny Gokey. Cannot forget him. He was just plain hawt!!

I'd take him home to mama any day wouldn't you?

So last nights American Idol season 8 finale started at 8pm ending at 10pm. I am thinking to myself, out loud of course, what the fuck are they going to do for 2 hours?? Will I even be awake at 10pm to hear them announcing the winner? So, I kinda thought I would just glance at the TV every so often and try to make it until the end.

Man, was I ever wrong. The show ROCKED. It kicked some serious ass. Kiss - Queen - Cyndi Lauper - The Black Eyed Peas - Fergie - Lionel Ritchie - Queen Latifah - Jason Mraz - Keith Urban - Carlos Santana - Steve Martin - Rod Stewart -

Over 100 million votes were cast (recording breaking). Thats cool but honestly I was not among the voters. Nor have I ever voted for anybody on all the 8 seasons of AI! There are some fanatics out there though. Kinda scary as if it's life or death for them. Fuck that, its a television show for goodness sakes.

If I got anything out of this season it is because Adam Lambert sang Mad World and I love that song so much. Could be the story of my life, sort of.

So it was an enjoyable evening of music and glee. So, I am gleeful today.

Running the past couple of days has been difficult. My speed is just not there. Just.Not.There. YET! But, it frustrates me to death. Why can't I just be satisfied to just run? Just enjoy it. I can't. That is a good topic for Liz Lemon don't you think? WWLLD?

This weekend I have a 10 miler on the schedule and then next week Brooklyn Half Marathon. Then after that REST for a bit. I have a 10K race the week after that I am thinking of bagging for now. My body is screaming at me lately to just STOP. But, I can't.

So, lets congratulate Kris Allen for winning that American Idol thing and thank goodness that we don't have to see it again until 2010. WOO!!

Michelle, you've literally been performing miracles your entire life.

Consciously, deliberately, and with calculated precision.
You get that from me,
The Universe

Most of the shadows in this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine
(thank you Diane)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Abnormally Attracted To Sin..

Tori Amos - Abnormally Attracted To Sin

I'm a Tori fan, what can I say!

Yes, I am abnormally attracted to lots of things. Sin, is not one of them though. I mean if using the word "fuck" in a sentence or two is a sin, then I am a sinner. If not, than I am perfect!

I've been twittering a lot lately. It's kinda cool because I met a lot of runners from different states and not only are they runners, which makes them cool by default, but they are also really nice people. I sure could use a dose of nice people. I am not sure what attracts me to nice people. Anyway, twitter has afforded me that luxury.

But, running has afforded me the luxury of my dose of niceness. Runners are almost too nice. Too supportive. Too RAH RAH YOU ROCK! Your 3 second run was da bomb. Your a really really good runner!! WOO!!! And all that shit. I love it. I eat that up with my morning oatmeal.

Simple isn't it?

Anyway, there is this runner dude. His name is TED. It is hard to describe him. He is a really real runner. He loves it and it feeds his soul. He really needs to run to make his day and to make him sane. In a good way. He is giving and more giving. He is always there for me, NO.MATTER.WHAT! He spends countless hours helping me. He is always in this great mood and makes me laugh every single day. He has two beautiful daughters and a great wife. He is running the Vermont City Marathon this coming Sunday. AND 1 week later TED is coming to Brooklyn to run the Half Marathon with me. He is willing to do this because this is who he is. A runner and a friend. He is going to make sure I finish that fucking thing. He is sticking by my side for the entire race 1 week after running a marathon. I feel happy just to have TED in my world.

I simply cannot be around negativity. I can't. I don't want to. And I have the right to choose don't I? If I lose, I lose. But I would rather be alone and happy then all around the negative shit. It just won't fly in my world. At least right now it won't.

Summertime is here. It really makes me feel rejuvenated!

Life Password
The password that you use for every website, email account, facebook, twitter, everything. Having a 'life password' is not a good idea, but everyone does it.

But, thats not what Life Password means to me. To me, it means just fucking live life. You are given 1 password, use it wisely.

Does anybody want to share their passwords with me? I would but then I would have many more followers and lovers of raw cool and I just can't handle that right now! Yes, I am that stunning and hard to resist!!! I was called cute by somebody once. Well, a few times but yeah thats another story.

I am fascinated with you but I am having a hard time keeping up. My blog reading has really fallen by the wayside. My bad and I am sorry. I think of you all often and love you hard. ALL.OF.YOU!

Today's Run - 4 miles 41.48 Last mile 9.45.
Life is only a one lap race!


Monday, May 18, 2009

Fuck The Pain Away....


Three Six Mafia Alice in Wonderland - Smokin on the Dro

It's a mood. My facebook status update:
Trying not to scream after hitting your pinky toe on the edge of the table is the true test of a person in control. I did not scream.

I have been told by many people that I talk too much. It's confusing to me because I don't see anything wrong with it, but apparently there is. Something wrong with it. I considered briefly to become a mute. Just don't speak. Or only speak certain times during the day. I don't know.

It sort of makes me laugh at how others react to me.

Sure, I care about what other's have to say and am truly interested to listen and be there for my homies, but should I cave in and become what other's expect me to be? No clue. I am who I am.

This is a serious issue in my life.

When I run, I get into a zone. I don't even trust myself to run where there are cars nearby. That's how deep the zone is. So, perhaps the zone of passiveness is something I need to strive for. The thing is, I have strong feelings about things and issues and stuff. How can I keep my mouth shut when I feel so passionately about things. I find that difficult.

Sometimes, I just really want to be left alone. Alone with my thoughts. My music. Myself. Just sometimes though. Over the last year I have learned so much. And so little.

Fuck the pain away. I know, i know. I'm sorry. It's just a video. It's Miss Piggy for goodness sakes. Just go with it. Or not. I don't mean to offend.

My run this evening was nice. My running buddy and I ran in Prospect Park. We set out to run 2 loops but those darn hills are killer. We made 1 loop and a bit of the 2nd loop. It's all good though. NO PAIN FOR ME. Even my blood blister cooperated tonight plus the weather was awesome.

My wish for you, Michelle, is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination. That you find love in places that astound you. And that you have friends who call you "just because." I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes. That you play as hard as you work. And that you laugh more than you cry. I want you to set the bar high, but not too high. To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground. And to never, ever stop dreaming. But most of all, Michelle, I wish for your happiness.
And these dreams of mine are what started it all.

The Universe

Yeah right.
"Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world
that seems to have a problem with *me*! People take one look
at me and go Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre! They
judge me before they even know me."

-- Shrek

Shut it down Michelle!!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Finally Found The Words...

Save the words They even talk to you!!! Thats a link there, click on it NOW!!!

Aporrhoea - A bodily emanation, body odour
Umm, Sometimes....I am a runner for goodness sakes PLUS its warm out. DUH!!!

I adopted that word. It is mine now. I will give it a good home and plenty to eat. I'm just saying.

I think we all need to save the words. It's really our civic duty. It's our duty folks. Our poop so to speak. Adopt a word if you can. Of course, If funds are low - then I suggest you wait. Don't just adopt willy nilly. The words deserve better.

I was lost this week. I think I found my way back.

1) Pound sign of affection between men (I have no idea what this even means)
2) Big little fucker girl always black cook (I am sure I saw cook, not co-k)
3) Limp bizkit gonna rip someones head off (Ok Limp bizkit, I get this one)
4) I'm shit (Am I - Are you?)
5) Vaginal tearing in missionary position (OUCH!!!!)
6) Cool orgasms (Yeah, now your talking)
7) Come on get higher what does it mean? (If you have to ask???)
8) Drive me baby, i'm the shit, i'm the shit (I am not, I am not!!)
9) Got a chainsaw gonna rip your ass raw (PLEASE NO!!!)
10) Michelle needs food (TRUE - TRUE - TRUE)
11) Raw models peeing (I SWEAR)

Ok, I am truly troubled right now. I clicked on trusty google analytics - then I clicked on keywords. Then I looked. Now I am troubled. Up above is 10 keywords that jumped out at me. Oh, there are many many more but WTF??

When somebody types into google I'm shit they then see my blog. I am troubled. Now I wonder if I should change the name of my blog from RAW COOL to something like Mary had a little lamb. Nice and benign and innocent sounding.

Yeah, right. If I did that:
1) Mary having a cool orgasm
2) Mary needs food
3) Mary is shit
4) Did Mary tear her vaginal opening in missionary position?
5) Mary and the chainsaw
6) Mary the big little fucker girlie
7) Drive Mary she is the shit
8) Is Mary getting higher and what does that even mean?
9) Mary the raw model peeing.
10) Mary had a little lamb???

It is pretty disturbing to see what people search for on google. It's not like I would ever even do that!! I search important things like:
1) Can I run with a fractured toe and shin?
2) Does this shirt make my ass look fat?
3) Does peanut butter go with a salad?
4) Do I smell?
5) Am I as stunning as I know I am?
6) Can I run naked in the summertime?
7) Am I a dork if I like to watch American Idol?
8) Will I develop acne from too much twittering?
9) Can I run while eating a pizza?
10) WWLLD?

Ok, then.

In my friends words; An enchanted forest in the middle of the city. Can you guess where those photos were taken?

Sometimes, the only thing you know for certain is what you don't want. Yet often, Michelle, that's enough to go on.
10-4 Good buddy,
The Universe

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

10-4 my good buddies!!!!

Here's the 10-5 good buddies:
My TOE is practically healed. When I say practically I mean almost. Not quite 100% and probably never will be. Thats cool by me.
My SHIN: There is thickening of the shin bone. Very common in runners, my doctor said. I asked him straight out:
Doc can I run the half marathon. I won't tell you what he answered. Just know this. I will be running Brooklyn Half Marathon in 2 weeks. I am working on a plan to heal up my shin splints.

That is all. shut it down!

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Beginner's Mind Is A Beautiful Place To Come From...

"You've always had a hard time finding your place in this world, haven't you? Never knowing your true worth. You can settle for less in ordinary life, or do you feel like you were meant for something better? Something special. "

Yes, I do! I absolutely think I was meant for something better. Something special. But what??

If I wasn't such a dork, I would be completely awesome.

Today, I feel dirty and my hair is confused. The blogs have taken a back seat this past week. Ive nothing to report Life is ruling. Attentions are elsewhere. Heart is swollen with goodness.

I need a haircut bad. It's been 7 months since my last haircut, forgive me father for I have sinned. I know its time because I can no longer see for the hair is hanging into my eyes. You should see when I run without a cap on. My curly unruly hair flops to and fro. Up and down. Then of course, the sweat that is gathered on the tips of my curls fling into my eyes burning them so, that I cannot see in front of me. Who knew that sweat in one's eyes would burn the fuck out of your cornea's and render you blinded.

I found this today:
"All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is. -Buddha

I can so relate to that quote up there. Reality sometimes bites. Reality sometimes sucks. But, if your not real and live in the real than WTF else is there? Living in a dream world? I don't know. I always say I like to keep it real. What does that even mean? Is it staying true to yourself, your faith, your life?? Is it? I do not want to conform to fit in with the rest of the world. I just don't.

“The essence of conformity is yielding to group pressure”.

Not me. Never me. If I conformed to peer pressure I would not be here writing at this very moment in time.

I like brunch do you? Think about it. It's the best of both worlds. Breakfast which is my favorite meal of the day, and lunch which is a bit more oh I don't know, middle of the dayish. You can do wonders with eggs and some imagination. Bread toasted or fresh hot out of the oven and some potatoes and you have yourself a meal fit for a queen.

I am certainly feeling the effects of almost 2 weeks of no real movement. And when I say movement, I do not mean taking a shit. I mean real movement. One foot in front of the other fast. Ok, I mean running. I hate it when I can't run. I hate how I feel. I won't attempt to explain how I feel when I run and immediately after. It won't make sense and unless you have felt it too, my remarks remain mute.

I am no slacker but I am quite daft, mad, insane and merry. Oh and I am frivolous. What you have I lack but I don't care. I used to really care a lot about what other's thought of me. Now I skip and frolic and laugh mostly all the time. Sure, I cry. But, its fleeting.

So back to running, check this out half marathon course. I like seeing it that way, makes it seem familiar to me.

Anyway, the hope I was feeling in my previous post is carrying over onto this one. It's spilled and splattered. I am confident that I will be running again very soon. I see doctor tomorrow to recheck my toe and he will check the shin. The MRI is there for him to review. Then I do a Trader Joe's - Whole Foods run. To stock up on all things healthy and good and tasty and happy.

I did have a lunch date. It had to be cancelled due to scheduling stuff but he is an old friend. A good old friend. I would say more but the more is too long. Another post perhaps. We will do sushi. My request because I remember how much he loves his sushi. That and all things sports.

I am still feeling dirty and my hair is still confused. I can't seem to help it either. The confusion is getting worse. It doesn't seem to remember to do what I want it to do. I think I need to SHUT.IT.DOWN.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.
~ Robert Frost

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I Can't Take My Mind Off Of You....

Damien Rice - The Blowers Daughter
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
My mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Dare I say it? I am feeling hopeful today!!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Do Not Bite The Hand That Feeds You...

Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on

I bit the hand that feeds me. HARD! Guess what? That fucking hand slapped me in the face. HARD! It hurt too. Which made me realize that you should never bite any hand that hands you food. You kinda need to eat.

Here are my observations for the week. I am copying this gorgeous lady buzz by annies. Buzz by there, won't you?

Or I may call it Friday Miscellany:

Here goes:

1. Never think that somebody is talking to you if your not 100% sure. For example, today I was sitting in a waiting room, you know - waiting and somebody starting shouting out and looking directly at me, or so I thought. I had my iPod on so I quickly pulled the headphones out and said rather loudly, WHAT?? YOU TALKING TO ME? No response, so I turn around and the woman directly behind me was responding to her rendering me EMBARRASSED! NOT BARE ASSED!!!

2. While doing laundry why do people feel compelled to tell you what to do and how to do it. Just today, I was down there and taking my clothes out of the washer to put in dryer and 3 people told me what dryers I should use. WHY? Because they were hotter and less linty than the one I choose. I politely thanked them and proceeded to do my thang!!! Also, do not wait 3 weeks to wash your running clothes. It smells.

3. Being nice is rewarding. I got a chocolate cupcake and unfortunately it has wetted my appetite for all things chocolaty and all things cupcakey. Do any of you bake? I can email you with my order!!

4. Tiny Titties RULE:   tiny titties rule, I think tiny titties rule, do you?

5. The other day when trying to get approval for the monster MRI I unexpectedly found myself having an EKG! For whatever reason they need to put stickers all over your upper body. Underneath my tiny titties for example. The woman who did it, she is familiar with my titties so it wasn't a bad experience but my point is WHY did I need an EKG for an MRI? Anybody? Also, the next day, after I showered, I noticed that one of the EKG stickers was still STUCK on my body. My chest, thankfully not my tiny tittie. How did I not feel that sticker all night long?

6. I do not have patience for rude persons. The other day I entered my neighborhood supermarket only to be accosted by two woman. Here is how it went down:
Woman - You Jewish?
Woman: Want to know about after Passover?
Me: No thank you I am in a hurry!
Woman: (now following me around the store, I kid you not) FOLLOWING ME!
Me: Please leave me alone
Woman: (shoving something into my hand) TAKE THIS
Me: Well, OK
Woman: All smiling and contrite
Me: WTF?
I come home and ask my mom about a holiday "after" Passover. She has no clue.
Woman had given me some literature and MATZOH! Dude Passover is over for a month now!!!

7. I like this saying:
I fall flat on my face and, well there you are!!

8. I think my TOE is all healed. Well perhaps not all healed but a lot healed. Ok, bad english I know. Sorry. I need a pedicure bad. My running blister that I don't think I talked about here, is healed. It was a blood blister. Cool right? I think only runners get blood blisters, I may be wrong though.

9. I love to walk around Manhattan and take in the sights. Like a tourist you know? But, not really since I live in Brooklyn I am not considered a real tourist. Only a wannabe tourist. I am open to being a tour guide sherpa for any of you wannabe tourists or real tourists. Your call. I find sherpas fascinating, do you?

The term sherpa is also used to refer to local people, typically men, who are employed as guides for mountaineering expeditions in the Himalayas, particularly Mt. Everest. They are highly regarded as elite mountaineers and experts in their local terrain.

So, I could totally be a sherpa right? I am local people, woman we have equal rights these days guide for expeditions in the wilds of Manhattan, particularly The Empire State Building OR The Statue of Liberty. Highly regarded as an elite runner and I am an expert in the local terrain of Manhattan. Need I say more?

10. This has gone on way longer than anticipated. Thanks for sticking with it.

Oh I want to give a hearty jubilant amazing shout out and congrats to
hihorosie and yardsnacker a cool raw couple and friends of mine. They just welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world. His name is Caleb and he is a beauty.

If your all wondering what the results of my scary MRI was, I said it already. I bit the hand that feeds me. HARD!!! Guess what? That fucking hand slapped me in the face. HARD! It hurt too. Which makes me realize that you should never bite any hand that hands you food. You kinda need to eat.

So, I am officially on the injured list, once again. Why is it that I seem to be the ONLY one on that list??

Click on over to my running blog:
running down dreams
No pressure, not to worry!

It's not what's happening around you, Michelle, that determines your health, finances, or hotness, but what's happening inside of you - exclusively.
You hottie,
The Universe

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I am no longer human. The MRI was INSANE. The machine was so strong that I was told if I was wearing earrings and the earrings were metal it would be ripped from my ears. RIPPED.FROM.MY.EARS! I am quite sure all the human was sucked out of me. I am now an alien full of magnetized stuff and a quivering lower right leg.

When I saw the machine I almost fainted right there. I asked the man if I needed to remove my bra. I thought there was metal in my bra, don't laugh. He sort of oddly said "no" with a bit of a stutter. I am guessing the stutter comes from the highly magnetized MRI machine and not my silly ass question.

He told me people have died having an MRI. Well, yeah if you have a pace maker or an oxygen tank strapped to your left tit. I do not have either of those things.

I also asked him what should I do with my hands. Again, the stutter. Anything you want, he said!!! WOO! I was free from the waist up!!

He then told me the machine is mad loud. Ok, yeah so. I listen to my ipod turned up to #65 I can take it. As I was laying there he came over to me and started sticking things inside my ears. WTF?? Ear plugs folks. EAR.PLUGS. Now I am all sorts of nervous wondering when I can jump up and get the heck out of there. The door slammed and I was alone. In the room. My right foot all suctioned down and he told me not to move it. Right there is when you start moving. A LOT! Thankfully, I was not in head first. Feet first I always say!!

LOUD NOISE COMMENCE!! The noise was all around me. Lights flashing - numbers started to whirl - loud noises starting. I think I vaguely thought of what color my socks were. Did they match the machines colors? Then I thought about what to indeed do with my hands. Should I clap in time to the noise? Should I wave to the guy a friendly hello? Perhaps I could give myself a manicure while waiting?

And all this time, I knew. I felt it. I was becoming less and less human and more and more MRI alien. I was having a very hard time keeping my foot still. It was twitching almost uncontrollably and I knew right then and there that all of my humanness was now gone.

I thought to call out to him, but I didn't know until afterwards, when my friend told me that yes he can hear you. I also had a sudden urge to pass gas or as you humans call it, i had to fart. Humans fart and its over with. MRI aliens fart from the inside out. The fart stays in and the magnets sort of suck it out through the belly button.

Why are you all laughing??

The MRI took about 435 years in MRI alien time. Real human time 35 minutes.

I am not sure how long I will remain an MRI alien. Does anybody have any real research on this sort of stuff. I googled my ass off and could not find a thing!! I tried to eat and the magnet inside me just sucked the food down without me even chewing. It's not fun to eat anymore.

I think, perhaps once I find out that I can run again, I will return to my human form, but for now I am MRI alien Michelle. You can call me MRIAM for short. Oh cool, that is almost a real name anyway.

I'll leave you with this quote, I think it's a good one:
He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. Nietzsche

Everybody knows you cannot fly into flying right?

The song was on the finale of Scrubs tonight and thankfully MRI alien Michelle was able to enjoy the show. Then when American Idol came on, MRIAM rebelled and ran screaming. YAY for MRI alien.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Suddenly I See...

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

I am no longer the age I was 18 years ago.
I am unable to run 7 minute miles.
I need to accept that and more.
It is hard.
Running is part of my life, but is it the only thing in my life, NO. Do I enjoy running, YOU BET I DO!
Tomorrow I will be having my first ever MRI. WHY? Because I was stupid perhaps? Because I did not listen perhaps?

I have been unable to run for 5 days now. Suddenly, I see. A LOT! It is so hard for me to put this into words but I want to try.

Again, running is not the ONLY thing in my life. But, it has afforded me many wonderful things. I've simply met the best folks who "get" me. So who cares if I am got? Really who cares? I am my own person and I know who I am. You "get" me and that is great, you don't and that is also great.

When I broke my TOE it gave me a lot of time to think. I missed running A LOT but I also used that time for creativity and making new acquaintances, rekindling the old ones and knowing in my heart of hearts that life does go on. I will go out on a limb here to say that the best time of my life is yet to come.

Suddenly I see, that. It is staring me straight in the face. Actually, it is punching me in the nose hard. I cannot define myself by whether or not I run. I love it. It makes me feel whole and great, but there are many other interests that I have. My greatest first love is writing.

I am not good at it really, but I want to be. By reading the many amazing blogs out there and researching I know what I must do. Suddenly, I see. Too much maybe. I close my eyes when it gets to much.

Liz Lemon tells me and shows me the way. I am grateful for her in my life. A safe haven magical place that I can call my own. She knows me way better than I know myself so sometimes she has to stop and introduce me to myself. It's cool that way. I am always pretty happy to meet me. Unless, I am in one of those moods, you know? The kind where everything and everybody sucks? Oh come on, I bet you all get into that mood every so often? Well, I do and I am not afraid to admit it. WWLLD? Ask yourself that question. See what answer you come up with.

Check this out from a dear friend:
1. When its over its over
2. When it begins is always the right time
3. Whatever i did today is exactly what needed to be done
4. Who ever shows up are exactly the right people.

I think this is pretty fucking cool! THANK YOU DEAR FRIEND!

1) It's over - move on!
2) Hey today is a good day to start that! It's just right!
3) I vacuumed today and told somebody I loved them. It needed to be done!
4) If you are there peeking in, I want you to stay!

Suddenly I see. The remaining time I get to spend with my mom needs to be special and dear. I know that life ends, but I want to make her life the best it can be for however long she is here with me. She is an extraordinary woman.

So, my MRI couldn't come at the worse possible time. I am training for goodness sakes. HALF MARATHON on MAY 30th. NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM COMPLETING THIS. I have an incredible friend running the damn thing with me. He has promised to stick with me, fucking skip the thing if need be. I can't disappoint even though he told me he will not be happy with me if I run in pain.

I wonder what the Universe is trying to say to me?? I have no clue really!!
I know, I know, Michelle! Send them a thought form! You know, a bundle of clearly formed ideas that will communicate, disarm, inform, instruct, guide, heal, or whatever else you choose.

Just be sure you're clear with yourself about the outcome you're really after before you send it, because, boy, it really works, especially when sent with love. It's almost creepy.

Yeah, you'll wonder why you haven't done it all of your life, until you realize, in one way or another, that you have.
Whoops, I did it again -
The Universe

Any photographers out there? I am trying to get my camera on??

Suddenly, I SEE!!!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Pulling My Ear Off.....

I think I have swine flu. And I think I am bleeding into my brain. I also think I have a fractured or broken shin bone.

Put all three together and it makes for a very unhappy raw cool.

At the bank today, I suddenly noticed how everybody around me was sniffling and coughing and also sneezing. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but then all of a sudden I was sniffling, coughing and most of all sneezing. It occurred to me that the swine flu was still a bit of an issue so I whipped out a few kleenex and tried my best to cover my mouth area. I looked all around me and realized that the others (what I like to call people) were quite close in proximity to me. This sent me into panic mode and I quickly dispatched a whole litany of "hey don't you people carry purell with you?" TO "hey don't you people know its swine flu season?" TO "hey stay away from me please"

I guess it worked because slowly the others started backing away from me, mostly in fear I assume. Which was fine for me because all of a sudden I had the whole bank to myself.

Liz Lemon in action!

I know your all anxious to hear why I think I am bleeding into my brain right? I thought I would go in order of what happened last, then move backwards to what happened in between and then of course what happened first. Makes sense right?

So, yesterday I was gingerly stepping into my shower. Visualize this. I am in my birthday suit, you know kinda nude/naked or without clothes and I bent down to pick something up from the floor, don't ask me what I was picking up, for I have no memory of that time in my life. So, yeah as I was then lifting my body back up into standing position or demi-plie if you will I didn't see this coming, but the sink suddenly made contact with my upper forehead. I stood there in mid plie wondering what the heck just happened.

I feel around - MY HEAD FOLKS - and I felt a huge bump or goose egg as its called in these here parts. OH.MY.GOODNESS! I freaked out. Of course, I took my shower, I did smell after all, and then began a series of icing that lasted well into the evening. I even started forgetting just why I was sitting on my sofa icing my forehead. It all seems like such a blur and it only happened in 1974. Ooops I mean yesterday.

So, when I searched the internets I read that bleeding in the brain can occur.
Occasionally, a blow to the head may be severe enough to cause bleeding in or around the brain. This type of bleeding is serious because it can put pressure on the brain. Seek immediate medical attention if your child exhibits the following signs or symptoms after a head injury:

Although a concussion is unlikely with a hematoma, seek immediate medical attention if your child has memory loss or confusion after a head injury.

So, now I am totally confused because I don't know if it is my child who has a hematoma or if it is I who has a hematoma or if I even have a child?? I think you can all see my dilemma right?

We live in precarious times folks. These are all real and sudden and can happen without any warning whatsoever.

I know! I twitter - I facebook - I read - it's out there.

Your wondering about my shin now aren't you? I think since my swine flu/brian bleed is acting up, I think I will share that with you another day. I don't want to put too much undue pressure on my readership. I'm good that way. I care!

I was trying, without success to pull my ear off. You know us creative types. We do what we can to be different from the "others"

If you have a headache, rejoice, for you have a head.
Buddhist Adage:

Friday, May 1, 2009

Brooklyn Girl Asks You To Stand By Her....

When your peeps ask you what you do all day, every day, Michelle, you do tell them, "Whatever I want." Right?

Because you do.
Peeps beware,
The Universe

Let's talk running shall we?

So. last night I met up with my friend Samantha for 2 loops in Prospect Park. Now, let me just explain that Prospect Park is the highest point in Brooklyn and it is an extremely hilly run. That said, I sucked the run.

Samantha and I talked before we started that we wanted/needed to complete 2 loops 6.6 miles without stopping. So, we needed to keep the pace and just keep moving. Easy right? NOT!!

We both completed 1 loop fine. I was hurting both physically and mentally. No not my toe. That is fine and perfect. It's my shin. My right shin is killing me. Then mentally after that 1st loop I felt as though I could not run another step. I wanted to bad but I couldn't. FUCK!

I urged Samantha on and said "get it done girlie". She was looking great and totally had it in her to finish the job.

I was a little concerned about being alone because its a big park and one wrong turn would be a disaster for me. I walked and waked and then I thought perhaps I should start walking faster and run? I started running really slow and thought I could keep this slow pace and get the 2nd loop done. After 20 min of slow running and with a big hill looming, once again I had to stop and once again walk.

It was getting dark too. Luckily, there were others in my predicament. Slow going. 2nd loop I ran for 30 minutes and walked the rest. 1st loop done in about 35.58.

I have no excuses nor do I want to make excuses. I am just writing it as it happened.

Samantha got it done. She really made me proud. Her will to run 2 loops without stopping was stronger than mine I guess.

Also, my garmin GPS was fucking with me. Or better yet, I was fucking with it. I had inadvertently shut off the GPS on my garmin so the darn thing was not calculating my mileage. Just the time. In a way, its a lost run. In my mind and on my garmin.

So, I say on to bigger and better runs. I chalk this up to a lot of things and nothing at all.

I kinda need you guys. Can you stand by me? Just for a little while anyway?

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”