Monday, September 21, 2009

I Got A Feeling

That today is going to be a good day!! That today's gonna be a good good day. A feeling that today's gonna be a good day.

Those sorts of days are few and very far between. But, when it's good, you feel it. You know it. You own it.

I am owning a lot of good days, these days. And I dig it.

I'm thinking I don't want to end up like that up there, ya know? Left hanging, not knowing. Just waiting and chilling and hanging. Fuck no. That shit don't fly with me. I want to be in the know. Sort of like this:

A chick who digs reading the NYT and doesn't give a fuck who knows it! That is pure coolness huh? The world is made up of so many different things and this chick wants to know it all. I love that.

Any of you fuckers out there know what I am saying?

Jon Hamm: Good evening, and thank you for looking at us. Tina and I are honored to present the first award this evening.
Tina Fey: But before we do, let’s linger in this magical time at the beginning of the evening where everyone is still a winner, and Seth MacFarlane is only pretty drunk.
Jon Hamm: When I wasn’t busy playing “Mad Men’s” Don Draper last year, I also had the pleasure of appearing as a guest actor on “30 Rock” where I learned that comedy is just drama with less smoking.
Tina Fey: And where I learned that having to kiss the guy who plays Don Draper will make you sweat through your lady blazer.
Jon Hamm: Speaking of lady blazers, the women nominated tonight for Supporting Actress in a Comedy are the finest in their field: smart, funny, beautiful, crazy, big-eyes and pee-wee. Those aren’t adjectives, those are just my nicknames for them.

- 61st Primetime Emmy Awards

Jenna: I’m taking you out to celebrate - a girls’ night! We’ll meet some new people.
Liz: Oh, you mean, like at a discotheque?

Liz Lemon loves to dance ~ BOO-YAH!!

You all know I love Liz Lemon right? She cracks me up and as long as I know WWLLD I am Ok with the world. She is coming back tomorrow ~ it's been a while. I am looking forward to saying hi to Liz Lemon. BOO-YAH!!!

I want to go to there. I want to go to there.

Actually, Michelle, everyone is reasonable.

They just have their own reasons.

And usually it's worth trying to learn what they are to maximize chances of a full-blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest. Which is always a good thing.
Groovy you,
The Universe

There are no guarantees. That we know. The best we can do is try.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fight The Power

1989 the number another summer (get down)
Sound of the funky drummer
Music hittin' your heart cause I know you got sould
(Brothers and sisters hey)
Listen if you're missin' y'all
Swingin' while I'm singin'
Givin' whatcha gettin'
Knowin' what I know
While the Black bands sweatin'
And the rhythm rhymes rollin'
Got to give us what we want
Gotta give us what we need
Our freedom of speech is freedom or death
We got to fight the powers that be
Lemme hear you say
Fight the power

But who? Who can I fight? I am just a little pion in the big world. I am a wuss who gets stepped on left and right.

Today I was brought way back down to reality. Man.
Since I was going to do a speed workout later in the evening I decided to loosen up a bit with a ride. So I rode down the Shore Parkway bike path and stopped at the end for a moment. When I started on my way back home ~ I knew something was wrong. Odd noise I heard. I stopped and looked down ~ back tire FLAT as a pancake.

So, I walked and walked and asked somebody if there was a bike shop nearby. Yes, he said 2 blocks down. So, I get there to the Verrazano Bicycle Shop and Mr. Tomas Kim is the owner. I was all happy to find the shop and walked in with a smile. They told me there was a shard of glass that flattened the tire plus I needed a tube. They fixed it. Then Tomas Kim told me $12. Stupid me left the house with $5 and no metro card. Tomas Kim would not let me leave with my bike. He refused to accept my $5 with my PROMISE that I would come back with the $7. He told me the only way I could take my bike is if I left some sort of COLLATERAL. He asked me to leave my watch with him. My $300 garmin. I said no I don't want to do that. He also told me he is in business for 20 years. Good for him.

Long story short: Luckily my friends father lives 1 mile away from the bike shop. So, I left my bike and ran 1 mile to his house. I was running through the streets of Brooklyn with my bike helmet on my head. When I returned I put the $12 on the desk ~ took his business card and my bike and left the store without looking back.

I know MY BAD that I only took $5 but I am so disappointed. I was almost in tears in that store not being able to take my bike. I thought Help a dude out ya know? But not Mr. Kim. THANKS A LOT TOMAS KIM!!!

I know, he has a business to run ~ I totally get that. I just think a bit differently than other peeps do is all. It was $12. It was really $7.

I want to fight the power because I am a weakling. It is as though I live in a big bubble thinking the world all around me is great. Then the bubble pops open and I am exposed to the real ugly truth. Not all around me is glorious. In fact, probably just the opposite.

I want to fight the power and walk around with my eyes wide open ~ instead of eyes wide shut. I won't change who I am. I will just be way more cautious of others. Not trusting anymore. Can't be. Unless, I retreat back into my bubble land. Maybe!!

I will be an aggressive cyclist. I am taking a course in How to Be a Savvy Cyclist! because if anything, i am savvy!!! I never want to be in the predicament I was in today. I want to be able to do everything on my own. I don't want or need to want help from others.

I am a rebel without a pause. I want to be left alone and I will leave you all alone.
"We find ourselves dancing late/ Like young reprobates/ By the milky light of the mighty moon/ Find someone to nuzzle you/ And waltz from the room."

“ birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth but sadly we don’t speak bird. kurt cobain

normal and abnormal exist together, defining each other.

“ when anything is blocking my head or there’s worry in my life, I just go sit on Mars or something and look back here at Earth. All you can see is this tiny speck. You don’t see the fear. You don’t see the pain. You don’t see thought. It’s just one solid speck. Then nothing really matters. It just doesn’t. heath ledger


Pep Talk: You know, you have a lot of power. You can change the course of a person’s day with your words and your actions. Use that power for good. All the goodness you put out there will come back to you in surprising ways. You’ll be rolling in the blessings, which is awesome, because you’re loved and you deserve only the best things.

Today remind yourself: I get what I give.

You Are Just Right: Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

"Joy is the feeling of grinning on the inside." - Melba Colgrove

"Joy is not in things. It's in us." - Richard Wagner

" Live and work but do not forget to play, to have fun in life and really enjoy it." - Eileen Caddy

I just want to fight the fucking power. Yeah, that is me talking. I am a rebel without a pause. So take that YO!

Friday, September 11, 2009

It's A Beautiful World

The children outside all are laughing under perfect skies
The shapes and patterns in this season make me feel alive
I wanna shout it from the roof top and tell the world
That, “I was blind but now I see what’s right in front of me!”
It’s a beautiful world I see, everything looks differently
It’s a beautiful world I see, these moments are changing me?When I look at the sky I see the reason why I know,
When I look out from the window,
The moon and stars shine all their lights down from the heavens
I choir of angels strike a chord and lift their voices
And then we sing out,
“I’ve been lost but now I’ve found what’s right in front of me.”

I was really thinking about what to do for my 9/11 post. I could have went in many different directions here.

The "where I was that day when it happened post". The "how I felt immediately after post". The "thank goodness, I didn't lose anybody close to me post". The "why I thought it happened post". I could go on and on.

But, I decided to go with the "It's a beautiful world post". Think about it. I am here, you are here reading this. That right there makes this world beautiful. I feel so very badly for all the families who have lost loved ones and I feel so very badly for the people who were there and had to endure the horrors of that day. I even have a friend who, while was not at the towers, was in the street and got covered with dust running for her life. And to this day she is not the same. Asthma and just well ya know!

But, think about how beautiful the world has become. In a crazy ass way 9/11 has brought peeps together. More patriotic and caring. More helpful and pensive. More loving and emotional. Just more of everything.

Sure, not everything is hunky Dory or even close to that but still....The people I have met over the years is proof positive that good people exist. And the people that came to help on 9/11 are selfless and beyond special. They didn't think about anything except helping. And saving. And digging. And hugging. And crying.

I did my share of crying, but I also rejoiced when the 1 year anniversary of 9/11 came all too quickly and the powerful connections were brought to life. As our president said "We came together as one people". Thats powerful.

I think that may be all I can conjure up about 9/11. My personal story is everybody's story, I think. My thoughts and prayers to everybody who perished and their families are everybody's thoughts and prayers. Today, we are all one!!

Please keep me in your awesomeness! I am doing this NYC Century Bike Tour 55 mile ride, and while I know I can complete it, I've never done a big group ride, so it makes me a bit anxious. I sure am fit enough and have the stamina. I consider myself an athlete ~ because anybody who runs and bikes and does push ups, sit ups, squats and planks almost daily is an athlete in my book!

Also, I need to address this on my blog. I was told to not write stuff bashing people. Do I do that? I wasn't aware that I was doing that at all. I just tell it like it is. Simple. TRUTHFUL. Simple. EASY!! I don't mince words, I just say what I feel. Bashing? Doubtful!! So, what I wrote stays. You can unfollow me, if it offends you. Your choice. That is what makes life so beautiful. FREEDOM!!

Out beyond ideas of right thinking and wrong thinking is a field. I’ll meet you there… Jalaluddin Rumi
Yeah, that means you, and you and you all the way over there!!!!

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained... Mark Twain
Yeah, try to remember that, or better yet, don't forget!

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness... Martin Luther King, Jr.
Ya think?? I DO!!!

Anyway, I am just a geek in pink.

It's exactly at times like these, Michelle, when the going gets tough, rumors are rampant, and people begin resisting change, that you know things are about to get really, really good.

You always could pick the right time, the right place, and the best jeans.
All eyes are upon you,
The Universe

Monday, September 7, 2009

That's Sabotage

I Can't Stand It I Know You Planned It
I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Back and Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's Sabotage

So Listen Up 'Cause You Can't Say Nothin'
You'll Shut Me Down With A Push Of Your Button?
But Yo I'm Out And I'm Gone
I'll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

'Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet So Don't You Get Souped Yet
You're Scheming On A Thing That's A Mirage
I'm Trying To Tell You Now It's Sabotage

I Can't Stand It, I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight This Watergate
But I Can't Stand Rockin' When I'm In This Place
Because I Feel Disgrace Because You're All In My Face
But Make No Mistakes And Switch Up My Channel
I'm Buddy Rich When I Fly Off The Handle
What Could It Be, It's A Mirage
You're Scheming On A Thing - That's Sabotage

This friendship is no great loss to me! I find her reasons amusing. I graduated from Jr. High decades ago....
And ~ That's Sabotage.

What the fuck am I dealing with here? I am dealing with backstabbing, beguiling, crafty, cunning, deceiving, deceptive, dishonest, hypocritical, insincere, knavish, dodgy, slick, sly, lying, misleading, shifty, sneaky, tricky, underhanded, untruthful. Yes, every single one of those descriptions.

Why can't people keep it real. Show me your "real" face. Don't switch up your face depending on who you are talking to. Come on!! I may be in Jr. High but I wasn't born yesterday. Why can't people be honest and not change up their stories dependent on who is listening.

I am not perfect, Never said I was and will never claim to be, but if I say one thing to you, I say that exact same thing to the next person. Why say something different? To get attention? To have people sympathize with you?

You know what? It must be me. I am the moron and pathetic gullible person. I am easily duped, like all the time. I am 100% too trusting of people and I like to believe what I am told. And I do believe what I am told.

I am no psychoanalyst but gosh.

What is never told is the good stuff. The good things. The fun things. Just that it is no great loss. That is fine and dandy. It's almost laughable. But, I am not laughing. I am not amused at all.

I am feeling so vulnerable right now. I am open and susceptible to emotional injury. Yes, I admit that. And it upsets me. I can never get things straight. I get all confused and pissed off. I try to hard all the time and it is exhausting to me.

I try to tell people how I feel and do you know what they do? They twist and turn and put it all on me. Reverse psychology.

Rabbit Fire
A well-known example of reverse psychology is the Looney Tunes cartoon Rabbit Fire, where Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are trying to convince Elmer Fudd it's the hunting season for the other species and not their own. After a back-and-forth with Bugs proclaiming "Duck season!" and Daffy "Wabbit [rabbit] season!", Bugs switches to say "Rabbit season!", to which Daffy begins saying "Duck season!"- even going to far as to exclaim "I say it's duck season, and I say, FIRE!"

I guess I am the one that say's FIRE!!! And I get fired on!!! ME!!

I realize that I vent and write my heart out here, but it is my blog and nobody really reads it anyway. When I feel it, I need to let it go. Running is one way for me to do that, and writing is another way.

Anyway, who gives a shit about all that stuff, when you see this first thing in the morning? Nice barefoot run on the beach. My first time running barefoot. It was freeing and I felt like a child again. Perhaps, a child in Jr. High. Yeah, that's the ticket!

I will pursue more barefoot running, but with the VFF's. I can run barefoot on the boardwalk and I may. But, if I choose to run elsewhere, I need the VFF's.

Running has been incredible lately. More on that in another post. Let's just say I am feeling it and my mojo is there front and center!!

When your awareness expands, you begin to see that which you ignored before.

Exercise is the architect, but recovery is the builder

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm Mad - But, in a good way.

Onwards from AKQA on Vimeo.

Fills me with glee. I am standing on my head clapping along - doing the happy dance.

I am too cool for school, so I won't go.

It is pretty funny how things always seem to work itself out. I no longer feel any bitterness or frustration - I kinda feel happy.

Unsure, undecided, vague, unclear, unfinished, incomplete, doubtful, unstable, blurred, imprecise, undesignated, unknown, indistinct, indefinite, unresolved, and uncertain.

Yet, I am none of those things. Take what you need and dump the rest.

So am I the only dork enjoying this sensational weather? Running has been euphoric and biking is so pleasurable that I could do it all day long. With a break for cupcakes of course!!

I think the next 4 months will be worthy of some very awesome blog posts here at raw cool. I am aware that I am not giving it my all but I give what I can.

I think I am going to go do some squats now. And not in the toilet either.

“ art for art’s sake does wonderful things to you. It makes you laugh. It makes you cry. It makes you want to take naps and go places wearing funny pants. Doing something just for the hell of it is a wonderful antidote to all the chores and “must-dos” of daily life. nanowrimo

“ now… You are going to tell me your story like you just did. Write it all down. Tell that story over and over. Tell me your sad-assed story all night… When you understand that what you’re telling is just a story. It isn’t happening anymore. When you realize that the story you’re telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we’ll figure out who you’re going to be. chuck palahniuk

Alice: But I don’t want to go among mad people.
Chesire Cat: Oh, you can’t help that. We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.
Alice: How do you know I’m mad?
Chesire Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn’t have come here.
Alice: And how do you know that you’re mad?
Cheshire Cat: To begin with, a dog’s not mad. You grant that?
Alice: I suppose so
Chesire Cat: Well, then, you see, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.