Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Let Michelle be Michelle.....

You say it's all in my head
And the things I think just don't make sense
So where you been then? Don't go all coy
Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault
See I can see that look in your eyes
The one that shoots me each and every time

It has occured to me that at times, friends, relatives and the occassional stranger think i'm something that i'm not. A fake? A loser? A poser?

A poser is someone who tries hard to be something they arent. Usually, posers call other people posers because they are jealous that the person they called a poser is more skater/stoner/goth/punk/rocker/grunge/etc. than they will ever be.

Today, i was called irreverent!
Courageous, straightforward, having mass appeal, but likely to offend. Challenging the status quo, rocking the boat. So, while this may sound bad, i think it totally ROCKS! I want to rock the boat. I want to feel courageous. Wait, no i am courageous! I tell it like it is. Never mean, but honest!

After Saturday's successfully raw event i have decided to embrace the lifestyle once again. I've been comsuming green smoothies this week for breakfast and they are awesome! I've been adding bee pollen to the mix so this should give me the boost i'm looking for. Plus, i've been taking MSM and Maca. Both excellent products.

The energy at this event was so palpable, so intense it just brought me to my knees. There is nothing like gathering 100+ people in a room together and all these people are on the same wavelength. Everything that was said or even not said resonated with these people. There was a connection unlike anything i've ever experienced.

I know i'm not perfect, nor do i want to be. I just want to live a life of peace and tranquility and yeah a bit of irreverence. I certainly don't want to conform to the way others see me. The people i choose to surround myself with just see me. No judgements or complaints.

I've been working on something recently. For some odd reason, when i am in situations where the potential is there for me to get upset or stressed, i do not remove myself from said situation. Instead, i let the situation upset me to the point of panic attacks. Ok, we all know, not only is this not healthy, its quite ridiculous! So, i am working very hard on knowing when to remove myself, hang up the phone, go to my room and close the door or just go for a walk!

I will not endure panic attacks for the rest of my life. Feeling like you might die at any moment is not a fun feeling. I have been taught some deep breathing exercises which help, but does not prevent them. Eh, i guess this is life. Even, sitting here quietly writing about it gives me a feeling of "Yikes, am i sharing too much?" "Will my friends here, still be my friends here?"

Stop it Michelle! I like to think of myself as an intelligent optimist. I am as intelligent as the next guy and believe me i work to be positive day in and day out. For me, i feel there is no other way.

Anyway, so Adele! I'm loving her right now and i'm pissed because her CD "19" will not be released in the US until summer 08. She's 19 years old and has the voice of an angel. Here's my wish: I want to be able to do with a pen, what Adele does with her voice. Create something that others want to read and enjoy. Not so much to ask is it??
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