Be Here Now....

Ray LaMontagne - Be Here Now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

I'm here. All the time, every day. I take pride in the way i handle things. Not always though. Used to be that i felt like a failure. A loser dork. I could never understand why i did certain things and then i couldn't understand why i couldn't fix it. I figured if i made it happen, i should be able to make it go away. Never seemed to work like that though.

I always wanted things to be perfect. Then i finally realized nothing and nobody is perfect. If you want perfection go elsewhere. Not here.

So, i started looking at my life and the things i have done. Believe me folks, i'm not talking about committing crimes, i am talking about stuff you can't really take back or do over. Life stuff. Friend stuff. Stuff.

So, then i realized that holding things inside yourself and not being able or willing to just let it go is so very bad. It festers like a bad dream never really ending and its always there in the back of your mind. It makes you pause a few times a day, hmmm i want to get rid of it, but how? How can you get rid of the stuff?

What you need to do is admit it first to yourself and then to others what it is you want out of your head. Out of your soul. I know, i realize this is a painfully honest post but i have to get it blogged. I am not ready to blog it all, but i am ready to say i am sorry.

You learn from every mistake you make in life. At least i do. I did. I also learned that when a person comes clean, which is a very hard thing to do, you accept that. I know how hard owning up to a mistake is. I also know how hard it is for others to own up. So, you cannot hold that grudge. You just can't.

I feel lighter. So much lighter. Everything may happen for a reason, or it may not. I have no clue really. I am just trying to get by day to day. Take care of my mom, make sure she has everything she needs to live a comfortable special life. That is it really.

Perhaps, somebody reading this will know its for them. But, that is not my reason for writing this post. I don't do things to make others feel better or to even make myself feel better, i just do what i feel is right. Noble. Special. I am not asking for credit or validation or anything really. I just need to get this blogged.

I like the name of Ray's song....Be Here Now. I am here. All the time. Everyday. For all of you. If you need me. I am approachable and friendly. I want to be authentic and true to my personality. I want each day i live to be special. For me. Nobody else needs to or wants to live my life. I have to do it all alone.

And i want to Be Here Now. Always in the present. I won't look back at what could have been. Each day that passes will bring new adventure and most importantly change. In the past two days, i have changed. Not in a way that can be seen from the outside, but inside i feel a profound difference. Just believe me, its there. I feel it.

So, lets applaud all those who own up. I, for one am clapping real loud and giving high fives all around.















"The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win."

Tonight, we are all winners!

Isn't It Cool? Isn't It Odd? Yes Indeed!!!

The Killers - Spaceman
The song maker says, "It ain't so bad"
The dream maker's going make you mad
The spaceman says, "Everybody look down!
Its all in your mind!"

You all know about my girl crush on Brandon Flowers. I am looking forward to purchasing their new CD called Day and Age on November 24th.

So, post election. I am pretty sure you've read it all so i think i will go on to bigger things. Notice that i didn't say better. Just bigger! Oh and different.

Change and hope are big buzz words now. I think change is great. I don't know about you guys, but i change my screen saver and desk top photo once a week. Usually, its a photo of me on my desktop, but occasionally i will go with a food that i am enamored with or craving. I also tend to change my underware daily. This makes life interesting. Should i go with the bikini or grandma panties today?? Variety is the spice of life right??

Today, on my running friends blog, Marcy she posted a video that i feel compelled to post here. It was creepy and strange and odd all at the same time. It needs to be posted. I need to understand what he was thinking.

So, you all remember Steve Guttenberg right?? The washed up actor who had some movie "exposure" in the 80's i think?? (pun intended) So, he runs half nude. WTF??? I am usually not surprised by what people do, but for some reason this strikes me as so odd. Take a look:



Now, tell me what is up with this man?? Why in the world would he do this? Isn't running half nude all kinds of illegal? What if a bunch of young girls were walking by, wouldn't that sort of be sort of sex offender behavior. Sort of?? In a very out there sort of kinda way???

Don't get me wrong, i am no prude and if running nude were legal i would probably do it in the heat of summer 95 degrees, and i am using the word probably very loosely. It would of course depend on how good or bad my hair looked that day! Then, when the guy asked him where his pants are he sort of grinned and said he had to go!!! ODD!!!

Odd things happen all the time though don't they? Obama was elected wasn't he? Isn't that ODD??? NOT!!! Sorry, i know i said no politics but hey that in itself is ODD!!!

So, the oddities of life huh?? Guess i have to accept and move on. View these oddities through rose colored glasses. if someone thinks about or looks at something with rose-coloured glasses, they think it is more pleasant than it really is. So, Steve's bum is way more pleasant than i think it is right?? And when he bends over to stretch, oh yeah pleasant!!!

















Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
Barack Obama

Yes, i know i said i wouldn't but i can't help myself.

I just want to share something. Working the polls was great. There was a young boy that came in with his mom. I know his mom, she is cool. Leo, the young boy asked very politely if he could go into the voting booth with his mom. Sure Leo, i said. They went in, did their thing and came out. Leo came over to me and said "Hey look at this, i am reading a book about Abraham Lincoln and he was a president. Now we are voting for a president. Isn't that funny and cool?"

Cool indeed Leo!! Cool indeed!

History Is Made....November 4th, 2008

I went in with my always peace sign. And i came out, 14 hours later to hear that history has been made. Mr. Barack Obama is the President of the United States.















Simple. Historic. Quite amazing actually. And i was a part of it. Not only in the voting, but in working the polls. It was my pleasure and an honor to be able to do that. I loved every second of being there.

I was able to witness the joy of the first time voter. And the joy of a voter that may very well not be around in four years.

I am just really very overwhelmed.

ROCK THE VOTE!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

Fuck yeah, rap away!!!

The polls are open...almost

Let's dance, like NOW!!!

Let's rap homies!!! Fuck yeah!!!

This election is here and i need to let off steam. I am currently drinking this: Dogfish Head Pumkin Ale

Malty, pumpkin, caramel, brown sugar. What the fuck else do i need???

I feel tipsy, i must go now!!

It's 6.30pm, i may go to bed soon!!!

Peace out!!!

The Polls Are Open....Almost....

I believe tomorrow November 4th 2008 is some sort of special day. Or is it?

Yes, its the time (finally) that we all get to exercise our very rights as a United States citizen to vote for our next President. We get to walk into an old fashioned machine and click that lever. It just takes one click. Thats it.

Then on Wednesday, November 5th 2008 we, the United States will have a brand new spankin commander in chief. It is really so simple, yet so profound.

I cannot tell you the amount of time i spent running and discussing. Sometimes to the point of arguing. It's all cool though, because respect is the word of the day. Let's try to do that tomorrow.

I am working the polls tomorrow. I will enter the room at 5am to set up. Get that old fashioned machine ready for the day ahead. Then at 6am they will come. And come and come. I hope.

I will be there to document it all in my mind. I may take photos for this Polling Place Photo Project. Perhaps. I usually have my camera with me anyway. Although, i am working so i don't want to spend too much time focusing on taking photos.

I am also here to tell you that i respect you all and your choice of who you may vote for. Please, respect me too. Thats all i ask.

Let's rock the vote! Is there any other way??
















I'll leave you with this, because...gosh darn it, it is a favorite of mine:

Be the change that you want to see in the world.
Ghandi

Perfection....2008 NYC Marathon....

Let's go running!!!


There is something extremely magical about running a marathon. It's not so much the time you take to complete the race, as is all the months of hard work that goes into it.















Everything seems so spectacular on Marathon Sunday!! The weather is always stellar and there is excitement in the air. Many people stroll across the finish line in Central Park just to feel it. And you do feel something. You think "I can do that"! You think, next year is my year.

There are so many visuals to the NYC Marathon. From the unbelievable man running with a prosthetic leg to an 85 year old woman sweetly crossing the finish line! You see a man in a specially made wheel chair zipping by. Real fast too. You may see lots of people walking. Don't worry, they are just taking a break for a while. They will run again.

One memory i have from my 1991 NYC marathon is entering The Bronx. A young child of no more than 7 or 8 years old was handing out lovely candies. He was urging us runners to partake in the candy because "it will give you energy like superman". You best believe i took that candy and for the last 6 miles i was "superman".

This is my 170th post. I do not know why this holds significance. But, somehow, to me it does. On January 28, 2008 i asked the question "Does anyone even read my blog"? Guess i have an answer today.

So, lets all cheer on the runners. Some are running a marathon for the very first time. A marathon virgin if you will. My friend Laura, who is an amazing marathoner in her own right put this quote on her blog! I think it pretty much says it all:

"Run the first 10 miles with your head, the next 10 with your legs, and the last 6.2 with your heart."

Great right?
























This woman, next year, NYC Marathon 2009!!! SWEET!