The Beginner's Mind Is A Beautiful Place To Come From...

"You've always had a hard time finding your place in this world, haven't you? Never knowing your true worth. You can settle for less in ordinary life, or do you feel like you were meant for something better? Something special. "



Yes, I do! I absolutely think I was meant for something better. Something special. But what??

If I wasn't such a dork, I would be completely awesome.














Today, I feel dirty and my hair is confused. The blogs have taken a back seat this past week. Ive nothing to report Life is ruling. Attentions are elsewhere. Heart is swollen with goodness.













I need a haircut bad. It's been 7 months since my last haircut, forgive me father for I have sinned. I know its time because I can no longer see for the hair is hanging into my eyes. You should see when I run without a cap on. My curly unruly hair flops to and fro. Up and down. Then of course, the sweat that is gathered on the tips of my curls fling into my eyes burning them so, that I cannot see in front of me. Who knew that sweat in one's eyes would burn the fuck out of your cornea's and render you blinded.

I found this today:
"All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is. -Buddha

I can so relate to that quote up there. Reality sometimes bites. Reality sometimes sucks. But, if your not real and live in the real than WTF else is there? Living in a dream world? I don't know. I always say I like to keep it real. What does that even mean? Is it staying true to yourself, your faith, your life?? Is it? I do not want to conform to fit in with the rest of the world. I just don't.

“The essence of conformity is yielding to group pressure”.

Not me. Never me. If I conformed to peer pressure I would not be here writing at this very moment in time.

I like brunch do you? Think about it. It's the best of both worlds. Breakfast which is my favorite meal of the day, and lunch which is a bit more oh I don't know, middle of the dayish. You can do wonders with eggs and some imagination. Bread toasted or fresh hot out of the oven and some potatoes and you have yourself a meal fit for a queen.

I am certainly feeling the effects of almost 2 weeks of no real movement. And when I say movement, I do not mean taking a shit. I mean real movement. One foot in front of the other fast. Ok, I mean running. I hate it when I can't run. I hate how I feel. I won't attempt to explain how I feel when I run and immediately after. It won't make sense and unless you have felt it too, my remarks remain mute.

I am no slacker but I am quite daft, mad, insane and merry. Oh and I am frivolous. What you have I lack but I don't care. I used to really care a lot about what other's thought of me. Now I skip and frolic and laugh mostly all the time. Sure, I cry. But, its fleeting.

So back to running, check this out half marathon course. I like seeing it that way, makes it seem familiar to me.

Anyway, the hope I was feeling in my previous post is carrying over onto this one. It's spilled and splattered. I am confident that I will be running again very soon. I see doctor tomorrow to recheck my toe and he will check the shin. The MRI is there for him to review. Then I do a Trader Joe's - Whole Foods run. To stock up on all things healthy and good and tasty and happy.

I did have a lunch date. It had to be cancelled due to scheduling stuff but he is an old friend. A good old friend. I would say more but the more is too long. Another post perhaps. We will do sushi. My request because I remember how much he loves his sushi. That and all things sports.

I am still feeling dirty and my hair is still confused. I can't seem to help it either. The confusion is getting worse. It doesn't seem to remember to do what I want it to do. I think I need to SHUT.IT.DOWN.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.
~ Robert Frost

I Can't Take My Mind Off Of You....

Damien Rice - The Blowers Daughter
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new





































































Dare I say it? I am feeling hopeful today!!!

Do Not Bite The Hand That Feeds You...

Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on

I bit the hand that feeds me. HARD! Guess what? That fucking hand slapped me in the face. HARD! It hurt too. Which made me realize that you should never bite any hand that hands you food. You kinda need to eat.

Here are my observations for the week. I am copying this gorgeous lady buzz by annies. Buzz by there, won't you?

Or I may call it Friday Miscellany:

Here goes:

1. Never think that somebody is talking to you if your not 100% sure. For example, today I was sitting in a waiting room, you know - waiting and somebody starting shouting out and looking directly at me, or so I thought. I had my iPod on so I quickly pulled the headphones out and said rather loudly, WHAT?? YOU TALKING TO ME? No response, so I turn around and the woman directly behind me was responding to her rendering me EMBARRASSED! NOT BARE ASSED!!!

2. While doing laundry why do people feel compelled to tell you what to do and how to do it. Just today, I was down there and taking my clothes out of the washer to put in dryer and 3 people told me what dryers I should use. WHY? Because they were hotter and less linty than the one I choose. I politely thanked them and proceeded to do my thang!!! Also, do not wait 3 weeks to wash your running clothes. It smells.

3. Being nice is rewarding. I got a chocolate cupcake and unfortunately it has wetted my appetite for all things chocolaty and all things cupcakey. Do any of you bake? I can email you with my order!!

4. Tiny Titties RULE:   tiny titties rule, I think tiny titties rule, do you?

5. The other day when trying to get approval for the monster MRI I unexpectedly found myself having an EKG! For whatever reason they need to put stickers all over your upper body. Underneath my tiny titties for example. The woman who did it, she is familiar with my titties so it wasn't a bad experience but my point is WHY did I need an EKG for an MRI? Anybody? Also, the next day, after I showered, I noticed that one of the EKG stickers was still STUCK on my body. My chest, thankfully not my tiny tittie. How did I not feel that sticker all night long?

6. I do not have patience for rude persons. The other day I entered my neighborhood supermarket only to be accosted by two woman. Here is how it went down:
Woman - You Jewish?
Me: YES
Woman: Want to know about after Passover?
Me: No thank you I am in a hurry!
Woman: (now following me around the store, I kid you not) FOLLOWING ME!
Me: Please leave me alone
Woman: (shoving something into my hand) TAKE THIS
Me: Well, OK
Woman: All smiling and contrite
Me: WTF?
I come home and ask my mom about a holiday "after" Passover. She has no clue.
Woman had given me some literature and MATZOH! Dude Passover is over for a month now!!!

7. I like this saying:
I fall flat on my face and, well there you are!!

8. I think my TOE is all healed. Well perhaps not all healed but a lot healed. Ok, bad english I know. Sorry. I need a pedicure bad. My running blister that I don't think I talked about here, is healed. It was a blood blister. Cool right? I think only runners get blood blisters, I may be wrong though.

9. I love to walk around Manhattan and take in the sights. Like a tourist you know? But, not really since I live in Brooklyn I am not considered a real tourist. Only a wannabe tourist. I am open to being a tour guide sherpa for any of you wannabe tourists or real tourists. Your call. I find sherpas fascinating, do you?

The term sherpa is also used to refer to local people, typically men, who are employed as guides for mountaineering expeditions in the Himalayas, particularly Mt. Everest. They are highly regarded as elite mountaineers and experts in their local terrain.

So, I could totally be a sherpa right? I am local people, woman we have equal rights these days guide for expeditions in the wilds of Manhattan, particularly The Empire State Building OR The Statue of Liberty. Highly regarded as an elite runner and I am an expert in the local terrain of Manhattan. Need I say more?

10. This has gone on way longer than anticipated. Thanks for sticking with it.

Oh I want to give a hearty jubilant amazing shout out and congrats to hihorosie and yardsnacker a cool raw couple and friends of mine. They just welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world. His name is Caleb and he is a beauty.

If your all wondering what the results of my scary MRI was, I said it already. I bit the hand that feeds me. HARD!!! Guess what? That fucking hand slapped me in the face. HARD! It hurt too. Which makes me realize that you should never bite any hand that hands you food. You kinda need to eat.

So, I am officially on the injured list, once again. Why is it that I seem to be the ONLY one on that list??

Click on over to my running blog:
running down dreams
No pressure, not to worry!

It's not what's happening around you, Michelle, that determines your health, finances, or hotness, but what's happening inside of you - exclusively.
You hottie,
The Universe

I Am An MRI ALIEN....

I am no longer human. The MRI was INSANE. The machine was so strong that I was told if I was wearing earrings and the earrings were metal it would be ripped from my ears. RIPPED.FROM.MY.EARS! I am quite sure all the human was sucked out of me. I am now an alien full of magnetized stuff and a quivering lower right leg.


















When I saw the machine I almost fainted right there. I asked the man if I needed to remove my bra. I thought there was metal in my bra, don't laugh. He sort of oddly said "no" with a bit of a stutter. I am guessing the stutter comes from the highly magnetized MRI machine and not my silly ass question.

He told me people have died having an MRI. Well, yeah if you have a pace maker or an oxygen tank strapped to your left tit. I do not have either of those things.

I also asked him what should I do with my hands. Again, the stutter. Anything you want, he said!!! WOO! I was free from the waist up!!

He then told me the machine is mad loud. Ok, yeah so. I listen to my ipod turned up to #65 I can take it. As I was laying there he came over to me and started sticking things inside my ears. WTF?? Ear plugs folks. EAR.PLUGS. Now I am all sorts of nervous wondering when I can jump up and get the heck out of there. The door slammed and I was alone. In the room. My right foot all suctioned down and he told me not to move it. Right there is when you start moving. A LOT! Thankfully, I was not in head first. Feet first I always say!!

LOUD NOISE COMMENCE!! The noise was all around me. Lights flashing - numbers started to whirl - loud noises starting. I think I vaguely thought of what color my socks were. Did they match the machines colors? Then I thought about what to indeed do with my hands. Should I clap in time to the noise? Should I wave to the guy a friendly hello? Perhaps I could give myself a manicure while waiting?

And all this time, I knew. I felt it. I was becoming less and less human and more and more MRI alien. I was having a very hard time keeping my foot still. It was twitching almost uncontrollably and I knew right then and there that all of my humanness was now gone.

I thought to call out to him, but I didn't know until afterwards, when my friend told me that yes he can hear you. I also had a sudden urge to pass gas or as you humans call it, i had to fart. Humans fart and its over with. MRI aliens fart from the inside out. The fart stays in and the magnets sort of suck it out through the belly button.

Why are you all laughing??

The MRI took about 435 years in MRI alien time. Real human time 35 minutes.

I am not sure how long I will remain an MRI alien. Does anybody have any real research on this sort of stuff. I googled my ass off and could not find a thing!! I tried to eat and the magnet inside me just sucked the food down without me even chewing. It's not fun to eat anymore.

I think, perhaps once I find out that I can run again, I will return to my human form, but for now I am MRI alien Michelle. You can call me MRIAM for short. Oh cool, that is almost a real name anyway.

I'll leave you with this quote, I think it's a good one:
He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. Nietzsche

Everybody knows you cannot fly into flying right?

The song above....it was on the finale of Scrubs tonight and thankfully MRI alien Michelle was able to enjoy the show. Then when American Idol came on, MRIAM rebelled and ran screaming. YAY for MRI alien.

Suddenly I See...

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

FACT:
I am no longer the age I was 18 years ago.
FACT:
I am unable to run 7 minute miles.
FACT:
I need to accept that and more.
FACT:
It is hard.
FACT:
Running is part of my life, but is it the only thing in my life, NO. Do I enjoy running, YOU BET I DO!
FACT:
Tomorrow I will be having my first ever MRI. WHY? Because I was stupid perhaps? Because I did not listen perhaps?

I have been unable to run for 5 days now. Suddenly, I see. A LOT! It is so hard for me to put this into words but I want to try.

Again, running is not the ONLY thing in my life. But, it has afforded me many wonderful things. I've simply met the best folks who "get" me. So who cares if I am got? Really who cares? I am my own person and I know who I am. You "get" me and that is great, you don't and that is also great.

When I broke my TOE it gave me a lot of time to think. I missed running A LOT but I also used that time for creativity and making new acquaintances, rekindling the old ones and knowing in my heart of hearts that life does go on. I will go out on a limb here to say that the best time of my life is yet to come.

Suddenly I see, that. It is staring me straight in the face. Actually, it is punching me in the nose hard. I cannot define myself by whether or not I run. I love it. It makes me feel whole and great, but there are many other interests that I have. My greatest first love is writing.

I am not good at it really, but I want to be. By reading the many amazing blogs out there and researching I know what I must do. Suddenly, I see. Too much maybe. I close my eyes when it gets to much.

Liz Lemon tells me and shows me the way. I am grateful for her in my life. A safe haven magical place that I can call my own. She knows me way better than I know myself so sometimes she has to stop and introduce me to myself. It's cool that way. I am always pretty happy to meet me. Unless, I am in one of those moods, you know? The kind where everything and everybody sucks? Oh come on, I bet you all get into that mood every so often? Well, I do and I am not afraid to admit it. WWLLD? Ask yourself that question. See what answer you come up with.

Check this out from a dear friend:
1. When its over its over
2. When it begins is always the right time
3. Whatever i did today is exactly what needed to be done
4. Who ever shows up are exactly the right people.

I think this is pretty fucking cool! THANK YOU DEAR FRIEND!

1) It's over - move on!
2) Hey today is a good day to start that! It's just right!
3) I vacuumed today and told somebody I loved them. It needed to be done!
4) If you are there peeking in, I want you to stay!

Suddenly I see. The remaining time I get to spend with my mom needs to be special and dear. I know that life ends, but I want to make her life the best it can be for however long she is here with me. She is an extraordinary woman.














So, my MRI couldn't come at the worse possible time. I am training for goodness sakes. HALF MARATHON on MAY 30th. NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM COMPLETING THIS. I have an incredible friend running the damn thing with me. He has promised to stick with me, fucking skip the thing if need be. I can't disappoint even though he told me he will not be happy with me if I run in pain.

I wonder what the Universe is trying to say to me?? I have no clue really!!
I know, I know, Michelle! Send them a thought form! You know, a bundle of clearly formed ideas that will communicate, disarm, inform, instruct, guide, heal, or whatever else you choose.

Just be sure you're clear with yourself about the outcome you're really after before you send it, because, boy, it really works, especially when sent with love. It's almost creepy.

Yeah, you'll wonder why you haven't done it all of your life, until you realize, in one way or another, that you have.
Whoops, I did it again -
The Universe

Any photographers out there? I am trying to get my camera on??

Suddenly, I SEE!!!

Pulling My Ear Off.....

I think I have swine flu. And I think I am bleeding into my brain. I also think I have a fractured or broken shin bone.

Put all three together and it makes for a very unhappy raw cool.

At the bank today, I suddenly noticed how everybody around me was sniffling and coughing and also sneezing. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but then all of a sudden I was sniffling, coughing and most of all sneezing. It occurred to me that the swine flu was still a bit of an issue so I whipped out a few kleenex and tried my best to cover my mouth area. I looked all around me and realized that the others (what I like to call people) were quite close in proximity to me. This sent me into panic mode and I quickly dispatched a whole litany of "hey don't you people carry purell with you?" TO "hey don't you people know its swine flu season?" TO "hey stay away from me please"

I guess it worked because slowly the others started backing away from me, mostly in fear I assume. Which was fine for me because all of a sudden I had the whole bank to myself.

Liz Lemon in action!

I know your all anxious to hear why I think I am bleeding into my brain right? I thought I would go in order of what happened last, then move backwards to what happened in between and then of course what happened first. Makes sense right?

So, yesterday I was gingerly stepping into my shower. Visualize this. I am in my birthday suit, you know kinda nude/naked or without clothes and I bent down to pick something up from the floor, don't ask me what I was picking up, for I have no memory of that time in my life. So, yeah as I was then lifting my body back up into standing position or demi-plie if you will I didn't see this coming, but the sink suddenly made contact with my upper forehead. I stood there in mid plie wondering what the heck just happened.




I feel around - MY HEAD FOLKS - and I felt a huge bump or goose egg as its called in these here parts. OH.MY.GOODNESS! I freaked out. Of course, I took my shower, I did smell after all, and then began a series of icing that lasted well into the evening. I even started forgetting just why I was sitting on my sofa icing my forehead. It all seems like such a blur and it only happened in 1974. Ooops I mean yesterday.

So, when I searched the internets I read that bleeding in the brain can occur.
Occasionally, a blow to the head may be severe enough to cause bleeding in or around the brain. This type of bleeding is serious because it can put pressure on the brain. Seek immediate medical attention if your child exhibits the following signs or symptoms after a head injury:

Headache
Listlessness
Imbalance
Vomiting
Unconsciousness
Although a concussion is unlikely with a hematoma, seek immediate medical attention if your child has memory loss or confusion after a head injury.

So, now I am totally confused because I don't know if it is my child who has a hematoma or if it is I who has a hematoma or if I even have a child?? I think you can all see my dilemma right?

We live in precarious times folks. These are all real and sudden and can happen without any warning whatsoever.

I know! I twitter - I facebook - I read - it's out there.

Your wondering about my shin now aren't you? I think since my swine flu/brian bleed is acting up, I think I will share that with you another day. I don't want to put too much undue pressure on my readership. I'm good that way. I care!















I was trying, without success to pull my ear off. You know us creative types. We do what we can to be different from the "others"

If you have a headache, rejoice, for you have a head.
Buddhist Adage:

Brooklyn Girl Asks You To Stand By Her....

When your peeps ask you what you do all day, every day, Michelle, you do tell them, "Whatever I want." Right?

Because you do.
Peeps beware,
The Universe

Let's talk running shall we?

So. last night I met up with my friend Samantha for 2 loops in Prospect Park. Now, let me just explain that Prospect Park is the highest point in Brooklyn and it is an extremely hilly run. That said, I sucked the run.

Samantha and I talked before we started that we wanted/needed to complete 2 loops 6.6 miles without stopping. So, we needed to keep the pace and just keep moving. Easy right? NOT!!

We both completed 1 loop fine. I was hurting both physically and mentally. No not my toe. That is fine and perfect. It's my shin. My right shin is killing me. Then mentally after that 1st loop I felt as though I could not run another step. I wanted to bad but I couldn't. FUCK!

I urged Samantha on and said "get it done girlie". She was looking great and totally had it in her to finish the job.

I was a little concerned about being alone because its a big park and one wrong turn would be a disaster for me. I walked and waked and then I thought perhaps I should start walking faster and run? I started running really slow and thought I could keep this slow pace and get the 2nd loop done. After 20 min of slow running and with a big hill looming, once again I had to stop and once again walk.

It was getting dark too. Luckily, there were others in my predicament. Slow going. 2nd loop I ran for 30 minutes and walked the rest. 1st loop done in about 35.58.

I have no excuses nor do I want to make excuses. I am just writing it as it happened.

Samantha got it done. She really made me proud. Her will to run 2 loops without stopping was stronger than mine I guess.

Also, my garmin GPS was fucking with me. Or better yet, I was fucking with it. I had inadvertently shut off the GPS on my garmin so the darn thing was not calculating my mileage. Just the time. In a way, its a lost run. In my mind and on my garmin.

So, I say on to bigger and better runs. I chalk this up to a lot of things and nothing at all.



I kinda need you guys. Can you stand by me? Just for a little while anyway?

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”