Sunday, August 31, 2008

IN THE END....It doesn't really matter!!!

So, today being the 35th day of my streak, i decided to run 7 miles. I was rockin the running. There was no holding me back or stopping me. I got out there about 7.35am. The boards were amazing. Full of life. Full of people going to the beach. Full of runners. So i ran 7 miles. Or did I? Take a gander at this:

Activity: Run
Date: 08/31/08 07:38 AM
Distance: 6.90 miles
Time: 1:11:40
Speed: 5.8 mph
Pace: 10' 23 min/mile
Calories: 817
Heart Rate: --
Activity Goal: None
A Few Clouds
Temp: 71 F
Humidity: 51
Heat Index: 71 F
Wind: N 9
Difficulty: 2.0

Hmmm dude, WTF??? I ran 6.90 miles. I was literally .1/10th of a mile from completing 7 miles. I completely misjudged the mileage i did. How can i have done this? To say i felt pissed off is an understatement. It's not so much the 1/10th of a mile as it is the fact that i could say i ran 7 miles today. I didn't. It's that simple. So, now tomorrow, instead of keeping it light and easy i need to complete 7 miles. Unfortunately, this is the runner mentality. Or is it just my mentality?

I feel very sad today. I feel very nostalgic. My neighbor of 44 years Mr. Philip has passed. He would have been 96 years old in a month. He was like a grandfatherly figure to me. Mr. Philip was a man of few words. Literally. But, when he spoke everybody listened. He had great things to say. He was a religious man attending synagogue every single day. In the end though, he couldn't. His mind was slipping from him. He knew it. He was that smart. He stopped eating and drank very little. His family wanted him to die in his home and i don't blame them. He needed to be in familiar surroundings. I saw him last, last Monday. I had went to the bank for him to make a deposit. I entered his apartment to see him sitting in his favorite place. The corner of the sofa. I sat down next to him and told him i just came from the bank!! He looked up at me with a gentle smile and said "I know, Michelle...I will take care of you". His voice was barely a whisper. I left after that thinking this may very well be the last time i will have spent time with him.

Friday morning he asked for his rabbi to come pray with him. He was not lucid and kept saying he saw his wife standing next to him. His wife died 3 years ago. He was not lucid but he knew he needed his rabbi there with him to say his last prayers. The rabbi came and they prayed. Together at first then Mr. Philip prayed alone. He died that night, in his sleep. My mom took it hard. She cried when she found out. Today was his funeral. I cried. Too many memories flooding my brain. Mr. Philip has 2 daughters, 2 grandsons and 3 great grand children.

This is my little tribute to him. Mr. Philip i will miss you!!!

Tomorrow, i dedicate my run to you!!! Please watch me and cheer me on!!!

There is something i wish i could share with you all. Something good and ironic and funny. It involves feeling vindicated in a big way!! It would make you all laugh and sigh and say "right on". I just feel it may be better to explain it privately. It's a long story with a sort of happy ending.

"In The End" Linkin Park

(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

Or does it????

It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything … I still believe that people are really good at heart. ~ Anne Frank

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