I Am A Charm School Reject......

The Killers - Human
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

The Killers are an American rock band from Las Vegas, Nevada. Formed in 2002, the group consists of Brandon Flowers (vocals, keyboards), Dave Keuning (guitar, vocals), Mark Stoermer (bass guitar, vocals) and Ronnie Vannucci Jr., (percussion, drums).
The Killers are one of my favorite bands. I highly urge you to check them out here my space. The band's most recent work is their third album, Day & Age, which has been produced by Stuart Price and is due to be released in late November 2008. Get it, it's good stuff.















I'm feeling really emo today and let me tell you why. You think you know people. You think you understand the ways of the world and everything that goes on in it. Well, at least thats what i thought. But, something happened today that threw that theory right out into the garbage. So, i was told, because of the use of vulgar language on MY blog, i do not possess what i think is the word, decency. WTF??? I have integrity, i am kind and i am accepting of everybody!

I do not care what religion you are, what color you are, what sex you are, what you look like...i do not care! What i do care about is your character. So check this out:

Moral character or character is an evaluation of a particular individual's moral qualities. The concept of character can imply a variety of attributes including the existence or lack of virtues such as integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty, or of good behaviors or habits. When someone is a moral character, it is primarily referring to the assemblage of qualities that distinguish one individual from another. Psychologist Lawrence Pervin defines moral character as "a disposition to behave expressing itself in consistent patterns of functioning across a range of situations"

This, my friends, describes each and every one of you. You have character. Moral or otherwise. You are funny and fun to be around. You do not censor my "words". I do not censor yours. It's that simple. It's also simple to not click on my blog if you get offended at something i wrote. It's certainly your prerogative and/or privilege to simply stay away. So, far though i have had no complaints...or have i?

I was censored. Not here, never here. But, someplace where i thought i was accepted. Now i know i am not. I was censored. Can you imagine that??? This is the US of A isn't it? Don't we have the right to say what we want?? Write what we want?? Or do we? I'm really confused about that right now. It's just really appalling how people judge others by what they write. It's also appalling to be requested to "change" because its the right thing to do.

Can someone explain that to me?? I am ignorant as to what that even means. I am flabbergasted. How can this be in the year 2008? I have friends from every single nationality. I love them all because of who they are. Good, decent, caring people. I would never tell anybody what words to use or not use. NOT EVER!!! Get that??? Hear that???

Hey, i'm a runner. Do you want to know what i think when i am having a particularly hard run...i think "FUCK I"M GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS RUN"....Yeah so? So what?? I just shared a private thought with you all. I wonder, are you all in shock now??? No not you, my readers. You get me. You know me. You don't like it, you leave. Simple.

You know in another 3 weeks we will have a new commander in chief. Do i shout out my political beliefs here. Sure, sometimes and nobody ever complained or told me to "change". I was and am respected here. I am respected IRL too. What is blogging???

To me, to blog is to keep an ongoing diary or commentary I take pride in my blog even if my blog is never read by anyone but me. My blog has become more than just a way to communicate, i consider myself a writer. Snicker if you must, but i am a writer gosh darn it.

Also, i am inspired by getting to read all of your incredible blogs. Utz potato chips and It's always sunny in Philadelphia and all kinds of shit i have discovered right here. Music and love and food and a sweet person from Poland. All here!! Integrity and love for a grandfather and the joys of pillow fights. Right here!!! Keeping an open mind! Here too!! I do not live in a cocoon, i live in the real world where shit happens. I have responsibilities. I have an ill mother to care for and i do! People here show me respect and love. You don't like my music, all the more power to you to tell me so, but never tell me not to listen to what i like OK???














Please, just don't OK!!! Not tonight!

So i want to leave you all with this! Hahaha! Ever flick through a dictionary looking for rude words? Sad!!. (Yeah, me too.) Well flick no more, for in the Age of the ’InterWeb Wiktionary has a special category just for you!

All together now: “Isn’t the Internet WONDERFUL!?”

Countdown to Halloween - 13 days

Whore Etiquette

Keane - Spiralling
We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling
When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling
I am keen on Keane!!! Keane are an English piano rock band, first established in Battle, East Sussex in 1995, and taking their current name in 1997. Keane are known for using a piano as their lead instrument instead of guitars, significantly differentiating them from most rock bands The inclusion of a distorted piano effect in 2006 and various synthesizers were a common feature in their music that back then combined the piano rock sound used during their first album and the alternative rock sound which developed during 2005. For their latest tracks, Keane have used new instrumentation such as banjo, violins, saxophone and, once again, acoustic guitar. Please check them out my space and for goodness sakes purchase their new CD called Perfect Symmetry!

So, i was thinking about something.
















Asking a girl for a dance, her number or a date must be hard for a man. I first realized this after reading this Far Side cartoon a few years ago. And since then, I have become very sensitive to men’s emotions and feelings and have treated them with the utmost respect during this grueling and sometimes confusing process called the mating dance.

Now, this post was originally going to be titled Pulling the Trigger, a how-to guide for men on how and when to approach women. However, I decided on something much more simple "rules for women to assure positive experiences in the ‘pas de deux of love’

At times, the mating dance can resemble failed military operations. Men can’t figure out when, where and how force shall be used to proceed. There they are in front of us, fumbling, trying to say the words or ask the question, but they just can’t seem to ‘pull the trigger’. As women, it is our duty to help them out. If we’re interested, we show them they can advance - without consequence - through words and body language. We face-off, smile, engage in conversation, maintain eye contact, lightly touch their arm or leg in conversation, or give them our telephone number if they should ask for it.

If we are NOT interested, we let them know…nicely. There is no point in being mean or disrespectful. Not only is it bad form and unnecessary, it’s narcissistic. Always show respect.

It’s also not the time to lead men on or play games. Although it may give your ego a boost, move on or you’re surely pay for it later in life (or other women will). As Coco Chanel once said:

‘If a man talks bad about women, it usually means he was burned by one woman.’

Let’s all do our part and behave as evolved and adult women.

It is extremely important that you shut him down quickly and not give him ANY window of opportunity. There should be no doubt or confusion in your answer. ‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend. Thanks anyway!’ - works every time and in any situation. It should be said in a light and fluid cadence so you don’t offend him. But, whatever you do, if you’re in motion (like walking) keep moving. Being in constant motion shows him that you are serious. If you keep standing there in front of him, it creates doubt and confusion and he may think that’s his green light to proceed and press you to change your mind. If you’re sitting, like in a club, then politely turn away from him after ‘Thanks anyway!’

And speaking of clubs, if you DON’T want to be bothered then DON’T give him any energy: eye contact, smile, wave, conversation, face-off, etc. Or, worst yet, say you’re going to be back and not return - again, totally unnecessary.

Accepting a dance can be tricky. Be firm in letting him know you’re only interested in dancing with someone other than your girlfriend(s). ‘Just to let you know, I’m only interested in dancing’ - should do the trick. The onus is now on him.

Lastly, DO NOT give him your number if you do not plan on following through. Men know they will, from time to time, face rejection. Don’t think you’re being mean by turning him down. You’re not. You’re actually doing us women a favor by extinguishing the spite fire that builds up in men who encounter women who ‘play games on their phones’.

Men have feelings just like us so please…always show respect.

Lastly, i'd like to give you 9 REASONS NOT TO DATE A T. REX. 9 reasons

"I have learned that there is no failure in running, or in life, as long as you keep moving. It's not about speed and gold medals. It's about refusing to be stopped. You might find that one particular direction proves difficult, but there are many directions on a compass. Infinite, in fact. As long as you keep searching, you'll find your winning way." --Amby Burfoot, form enlightening book, " The Runner's Guide to the Meaning of Life."

Countdown to Halloween - 16 days

Incurable Insomniac.....

"Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power."
Shirley MacLaine

There is something odd happening to me. I am becoming increasingly "over stimulated" I didn’t keep my plans today because even with the day off yesterday, I am still feeling very tired and overstimulated and overfed and oversocialized and generally saturated with sensory input of all kinds. It’s a great weekend, but it’s a lot to take in, and I think I need to stare into space for awhile. Or cry. Maybe I’ll do a puzzle from Crossword Puzzles to Soothe Your Soul.

I twitter, i facebook, i write in 2 blogs, i am currently writing reviews for 2 products i have been using. It's just getting to be too much for me. Definitely, fucking sensory overload. Two ipods are charging as i type and my garmin gps watch is as well.

I run. Way to much and everyday. I put it out there into the universe that i plan on picking a marathon to participate in next year around this time. Not sure if it will be NYC or some smaller more obscure race that can include a long touristy weekend. If i was 20 years younger i would choose two marathons to do in 2009. Sagging boobs and a semi sagging belly tell me otherwise.

It's not like i didn't have a great time yesterday. I did. I participated in the annual fall ritual of going apple/pumpkin picking out in the boondocks of New Jersey! It rocked. I was able to breathe fresh air while my nose was revolting and telling me there was some sort of allergen invading and tickling my nose hairs. That was odd.

















This curious fellow kinda freaked me out at first. I wasn't and still am not sure what it is. I am guessing some sort of goat/sheep??? I don't do well with these sort of creatures. They want to be fed and will use any method to get their tongue on a piece of corn. I'm painfully aware of my city like demeanor and i am quite sure that curious fellow tuned into that and tried to tongue me. Nuff said.
















The pumpkins were out in full force enabling me to pick four that i deemed appropriate for my Brooklyn apartment. I will in all likelihood attempt to prepare some sort of edible creation with at least one of the pumpkins i so carefully picked. The others are already designated as presents to some worthy recipients.

The apples were nice. Not great. Nice. Hard and crisp just like i like them. Again, some will be given away in an attempt to ensure the health of those i love. An apple a day you know??

From there, to mexican food. Good company, good food and a nice mexican beer called Negra Modelo certainly hit the spot after a day of picking and being licked. I don't drink much, in fact hardly ever but that beer really felt like a familiar friend after a day of work. You would think i would have had a calm mind. I didn't and still do not. Just gonna say this it had the smell of malts with a hint of coffee and coca.

It's starting to infuriate me, make me anxious and uncertain where my mind is going. Which brings me to the title of this post. Am i really someone who cannot be cured of the dreaded insomnia? Will this go on indefinitely? I'm not certain although it needs to be addressed. Sleep, rest, slumber, man what i wouldn't give for 3 hours of pure uninterrupted sleep. Just me and my blanky. Nothing more or less. Perhaps a cup of green tea and a cookie? Not sure really. I just know that i am beyond the point of slowing down. I'm working on it though so no worries here!


It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that IASIP is one of, if not THE funniest show on TV today. Cracks me up every single time without fail. For example, this past weeks episode was essentially about pooping in bed and trying to discover who's poop it is complete with actual poop shown. Brilliant!!!


Here is the brilliance behind the poop!!!

Need i say more? It's poop and i love it. Overstimulated huh? You bet i am!!!

I like this:
Wouldn’t it be great if people could get to live suddenly as often as they die suddenly?

-Katherine Hepburn

Thanks Gazelle!!!

Countdown to Halloween: 19 days

YOU can register to vote while your pooping!!!!

Do you care about everything???

You know you have to register to vote right??

JUST DO IT!!!

Can i call you Joe??

It's funny, so sue me!!! I really need to just laugh today, it would be rather cool if you could laugh along with me!!!
















So, its not Friday?? WTF?? I know, lets do this...here is the questionnaire that James Lipton asks at the end of Inside the Actors Studio on Bravo! Wanna play??



What is your favorite word? jubilant
What is your least favorite word? racist
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? writing and change
What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally? people who are not open to writing and change
What sound or noise do you love? I love the sound of the ocean waves lapping up on the shore
What sound or noise do you hate? I hate the sound of someone unable to breathe
What is your favorite curse word? FUCK
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Artist
What profession would you not like to do? Grave digger
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Fuck you, please go we have no room for you!!!!

I'm curious my fellow friends, how would you answer this fun questionnaire, which by the way was taken from the Proust Questionnaire about one's personality. Or something like that. So, lets have some fun and see what everybody comes up with!! Come on guys, some answers would Rock my world right now!!!

I feel strange, oh thats right, i am strange

Raw Cool

The Perfect Fit.....

Dresden Dolls - The Perfect Fit
i could make a dress
a robe fit for a prince
i could clothe a continent
but i can't sew a stitch

i can paint my face
and stand very very still
its not very practical
but it still pays the bills

The Dresden Dolls are an American musical duo from Boston, Massachusetts. Formed in 2001, the group consists of Amanda Palmer (vocals, piano, harmonica, ukelele) and Brian Viglione (drums, percussion, guitar, vocals). The two describe their style as "Brechtian punk cabaret", a phrase invented by Palmer because she was "terrified" that the press would invent a name that "would involve the word gothic." The Dresden Dolls are part of an underground dark cabaret movement that started gaining momentum in the early 1990s. Check out the Dresden Dolls here my space

I am a maverick of sorts. An independent thinker, non-conformist - rebel. This is who i am, who i strive to be. I go against the grain. I don't run in the same direction. I always look for and listen to new music. I try new and different foods. I am not adverse to trying new and different positions. I like to meet new friends and people who are different and interesting. I love talking and having interesting conversations.

Life has to be this way for me. The same old routines bore me. Sure, there are things i do on a regular basis, but mostly i stray. I live life as it is supposed to be lived. Intense and of great zeal, energy, determination, and concentration.

Do u control ur mind or does ur mind control u? Best way to figure it out. If u control it, u should be able to turn it off whenever u want. What if this life were just a dream? Would you choose to stay asleep and enjoy a beautiful dream. Or would you choose to wake up to reality? Funny part about chasing after things is that when you stop trying so hard and let go of trying to control, things start to chase you. So much to think about and take in.

I'm beginning to see my attraction to physical appearances lessen and the attraction to the consciousness in others greaten. Why are we attracted to things or people? Because we believe the someTHING or someONE posses something we don't already have. Be that beauty, a cool personality or just someone we can relate to. Nothing is good or bad in this world, just our own thinking that makes it so.

I kind of get this way with the approaching holidays. I sense a change in the air and in the minds of the people i know. Myself included. This is the time of year when people descend into deep depressions and upsets. They are alone and lonely watching it all unfold as they stroll the streets of NYC alone. They want to be a part of it all, yet they just watch from the sidelines. Some may try to embrace it, meander up to it and soak it in. Others just delve into the dark night of pity and self loathing.

I have promised myself that no matter how alone i feel i will never be lonely. I will make sure that i make things happen for myself. I control everything in my mind. This is a time of renewal and love and hope. If you think bad thoughts or allow yourself to feel badly, no doubt you will feel badly. The biggest advantage about taking full responsibility for your emotions is that it gives YOU the power to do something about it.

It's all power!! I' not saying you should not let yourself feel things, emotions, love, sure feel it, embrace it and make it your own. Do you desire something right now? Desire to me is a sense of longing for a person or object. The same sense is expressed by emotions such as "craving" . When a person desires something or someone, their sense of longing is excited by the enjoyment or the thought of the item or person, and they want to take actions to obtain their goal. I desire a lot, mostly things or goals i set for myself. When i obtain these desires i grow. I focus on it and realize there are feelings/sensations happening constantly. Your mind must interpret these sensations as either good or bad.

Is it a good thing to run 10 miles and pull a muscle? Is it a good thing to eat a piece of cooked dead food? Well, sure its quite amazing to run 10 miles (good thing) then you pull a muscle (bad thing) Eating a piece of meat may taste good (at first) then you realize how horrible it is for your health (bad) So there is always good and bad in every desire we have.

I must admit something here...i am a freaking moody woman!! I can go from feeling jubilant euphoria one moment to feeling as though i want to kick somebody in the face and make them bleed the next! From feeling a classic runners high to wanting to dig a hole and nestle down into it for the winter. All these feelings and moods happen real fast. Perhaps i am in the throes of bipolar mania? I suppose i shall have to discuss this with my beloved therapist Liz Lemon!!

Again, i worry where this blog is going. Am i doing the right thing and honoring my blog with my words? I need to feed Raw Cool amazing thoughts and feelings so she will want to continue on. Here's the way i see it:

At a funeral you have seen a dead body. You think to yourself "That definitely is their body, but thats not who they were. What was them, is now missing" Same thing here. I definitely do not want to look at this blog and see a dead blog. I see the blog but its not what it once was. I want this blog to be who i am, but so much more!!! I am working on it all in my mind. It's forming and almost ready to volcanically erupt.

My next post will be so much more, and possibly less. It takes time to cultivate and make it feel just right.

“Listen to people’s stories, and you’ll find that they could all be entitled “Why I Cannot Be at Peace Now”. The ego doesn’t know that your only opportunity for being at peace is now.”
Eckhart Tolle

I must keep moving!!!

Business as usual...

The Walkmen - In the New Year
I know that it's true
It's gonna be a good year
Out of the darkness
And into the fire
I'll tell you I love you
And my hearts in the strangest place
That's how it started
And that's how it ends

The Walkmen are an indie rock band from New York City. Check them out here my space. You may want to listen to "We've been had" as well.












I have about 2000 thoughts in my under used and abused brain of mine. I say under used because i know i am capable of so much more than what i am thinking right now.

I am posting this in a caffeine induced frenzy. My heart is pounding and my brain is twirling in delight. Laughing at me, i think. Poking fun at the fact that i think i am smart. That i think i am capable of intelligent conversations. I believe i am and can. Or do? Or should? Or will someday!

I am slowly becoming a bit manic. I've been told by quite a few people that i am talking increasingly more and more. Too much they say. Sometimes, i talk and get no answer. Most times i talk to myself. WTF?

Here is what i really do not like about myself and need to work on:
I don't do well dealing the technical support of any kind. I feel that most, if not all, technical support people have absolutely no fucking clue about the product they are technically supporting. This irks me. Believe me, if i did not have to call tech support, i wouldn't but sometimes you just need a bit of help right?? These people, and i use that term lightly, really have no idea what it feels like to wait 30 minutes, on hold just to hear "i need to transfer you to software" this will take about 30 minutes, do you have the time?" Fuck yeah, i love being on hold just to talk to an idiot!!!!

Rant over!

So, October 2, 2008 i believe will go down in history as the best night of television in a very long time. The Biden/Palin debate. This is exciting folks. To me, anyway. In my own demented way, i want to see Palin go down. I want to see her cry like a baby. There are people in foreign countries interested in the American Presidential election of 2008. I really do not know which way the election will go, nor do i really want to discuss all that, but let's just say i am frightened.

Now, inspired by Anthony over at raw model.

Ich werde meinem weg finden...

I am really excited by this: gift economy, i gifted some people a while back and it made me feel amazing. I felt as though i brightened somebody's day and if i made just one other fellow human feel happy, it was so worth it.

I took 6 days off from my favorite morning pursuit. Running. Calf pain. Right leg. I am in need of new running kicks. It's not even a question now, its a necessity. I will slowly kill my legs if i don't wear new kicks soon. My birthday is this month and so i know without a doubt that my sister will be buying me running kicks. It was a subtle suggestion on my part. You know, that subliminal message she hears every time she talks to me. I'm all like "yo sista, i need running kicks, like NOW"...She's all like "what the fuck are running kicks, sista?"....then i'm all like, "yo sista, just get me a size 7 please and make sure it's a color i love"....after thinking a few seconds, the light bulb in her brain appears to have been turned on and she says "make sure they are under $100". We'll see.

APPLE PICKING!!! YO!!! I AM!! POSSIBLY THIS WEEKEND!!! Remember, Halloween is coming. I know what/who i am going to dress up as. Do you???

Stretching herself too thin, She breaks her connection
Staying too busy, She has no time
Doing for others, She neglects herself
Defining herself only through others, She loses her own definition
The wise women waters her own garden first!