Monday, December 22, 2008

I Think I Need A New Heart...

And A New Soul.....

Magnetic Fields - I think I Need A New Heart
Hey check the out here myspace Also, i couldn't find a video of the band doing the song but i like it so bear with that lip syncing maniac up there!!!

It never fails. I am always the one left scratching my head in confusion! Confusing, upsetting situations always seem to find me. And i never know what to do. Sure, the four people who care about me suggest, NO scream at me what the right thing to do is!!!! And I know that those four people are right!!

Do i listen?? Do i think it through and realize that four people think the exact same way, yet somehow i make excuses as to why i end up doing the exact opposite?  They don't understand, those four people. My excuses are just that. Not based on any form of smart reality.

And you know what happens?? I think you do. Raw cool is always the sucker and always the one to get hurt. It never fails. At least i am consistent huh? Whats that saying??

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I am slowly learning it doesn't happen that way, EVER!!!

Well, maybe except when you run. You can run the same route over and over again and one day you are going to do it faster. HAHA!! I just proved that theory wrong!! I ROCK!!! I am so fucking cool. HAHAHA!!

Well, IRL it just doesn't happen that way. I was warned, yelled at, looked at in confusion just today actually and still........

I am not prepared to tell the story. I just can't. Just know this...I do not know why i do what i do!

Liz Lemon here i come!! She is one of the four by the way. What would Liz Lemon do? She won't tell me. Actually, no i am wrong. Most of the time she won't tell me. In this exact instance she tells me every time i see her. It's not like her to actually tell me what to do. She never does. She wants me to learn how to decide for myself what is right for me. Except in this situation. She is pretty vehement about it too. There is no other choice she says.  Oh for those who do not know, Liz Lemon is my therapist.

Yet, here i be. Confused and stupid. Confused and a moron. Confused and hurt. Confused.

I was doing really good for a while. You know, i came to terms with things and forgot. And didn't think about it either. Damn my mind. I hate thinking. Perhaps i should pop a valium and knock myself out??? Then not only wouldn't i think, i would be unconscious!!!

I don't even know, if what i am writing makes any sense. I am just venting i suppose. I don't feel like being funny or silly. Not today.

Here is what i do not understand. Why would a person intentionally stay in a situation that is not only harmful to that person but harmful to another person. Not physically harmful, just emotional shit. Just does not make one iota of sense to me. It goes back to that insanity saying up above you know?  

If you’re practicing something and improving as you go, you are technically NOT doing the same thing over and over again. You’re doing it slightly different and better each time. If you do it exactly the same each time - that’s not practicing, that IS insanity.

If you’re conducting an experiment, then several tries to determine a result’s probability counts as “doing ONE thing”. Repeating the experiment after a failed result without changing anything would be the “insanity!! So, who is insane now???  Not me, believe me!!!

Nah i am so not insane its insane!!!

So do you want to hear what i did today that IS INSANE??? I decided to make a hot cocoa. Vanilla soy milk, agave, raw cacao and lots of cinnamon in a pot, boiled. Easy! I was all into it and excited and i poured it into my favorite orange mug. I lifted that sucker to my lips and took a taste. That fucking thing was still boiling in the cup and it slid down my tongue into my throat down my esophagus and burnt the crap out of me. I almost died a little. So, i consulted a doctor, yep i did. She told me to suck on ice!! Yep, she did. SO i sucked that ice like there was no tomorrow. Then i drank my hot cocoa. It was yummy even though my esophagus hurt likea motha fucka!!! !!! 

Lesson learned: Wait until your hot cocoa stops boiling before attempting to drink it!!!

Also, i had no idea how to spell esophagus, had to google it. But i couldn't spell it so i spelled it wrong and google helped me out!!! Thanks google!!!

I may buy a shotgun!!! I heard from a reliable source that girls are good at shooting those things!!!!

I am totally going to steal this quote from this pretty lady nikemom. She rocks and thank you!!!

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!
~ Christian D. Larson

P.S. So sorry my interviewees i haven't sent you your questions yet!!!
I suck!!!
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