Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Raw Cool's Lament....

Barenaked Ladies - Elf's Lament
I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Here i sit. Eating THAT!!! There was an apple involved in all the hoopla but the very main attraction was that jar of amazingly good white chocolate PB!!! Need i say more. That fucking stuff is good enough to stick your fingers in and go to work.

I need to lament. I need to say things that are filling my heart.

We choose love. We choose anger. We choose happiness. We choose boredom.
This bit of magic comes from Mr. Jason Mraz. His blog is freshnessfactorfivethousand on my blogroll. GO THERE. He freaking rocks.

So back to choices. What you choose effects your days. It effects your thoughts. It effects your life. I say mostly everything is a choice. Sure, occasionally we all make the wrong choice, but we tend to learn from those bad choices. So, those bad choices always end up a way.

I've made some really shitty choices in my life. Lots of stuff i chose not to talk about here, but mostly it has made me a better person. I always have good intentions in my head. I always think whatever i choose to do is inherently good, the better choice at that moment. Its not always the case.

It's holiday time and i feel like being alone. It's holiday time and i don't give a shit. I am a runner and i have absolutely zero desire to run. I hurt. Physically, i hurt. My shin, my back, my stomach. Am i even healthy?? I am tired of going to the same doctors who run with same tests. So, i stay away. I am afraid i am experiencing the same malady i had back in June. Same symptoms.

My mind is screaming at me. If i stop running now i will be defeated. All i worked for this year, all of it, down the drain. What for? Why would i do that to myself?

I was so very excited to be able to run and run fast. I was so psyched and happy. Now, not so much.

It's OK. Things turn around in an instant. The snap of a finger and my lamenting will turn into excitement. For now, i need to bury deep inside and think. I tend to keep the TV off these days. Except for a select few shows. I listen to the likes of Nirvana and Alice in Chains. Kurt Cobain he had it all going on didn't he??

I think i don't like people very much. I love a lot of persons but i don't very much like them. I go into the supermarket today and i asked a question to the worker....instead of showing me the excellent customer service they claim, he very rudely snickered at me and proceeded to get annoyed at what i asked him. Holy fuck!! People suck!! Why oh why can't people be nice to others??? i've learned not to flip the bird to anyone in case they have a gun and shoot me in the head.

Can you imagine? Raw cool shot because she asked where the peanut butter was!!!!

It's so sick and so fucked up!!

So, i guess my lament is over! For now!

What would Liz Lemon do? She would tell me to own up to my feelings and express them and deal with them. Try to find out why i am feeing so shitty. So, that is exactly what i am going to do.

For all you believers out there who believe in all this holiday stuff.....more power to you!!!! Enjoy, live, love and make good choices!!! Choose what is good for you and your life. Turn of the tv and get out there. You know all that bullshit, the world is waiting for you.

I do indeed have a new mantra. A new thought that pops into my head every single day that i wake up in pain. It is very very simple. I'm sure you've all heard it before, its not new. It is this:

"Do all the good you can, and make as little fuss about it as

-- Charles Dickens

Good stuff is coming, i promise!!! Sometimes, breaks from stuff help. You'll see!!!
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