Monday, April 6, 2009

Come On Get Higher...

Matt Nathanson - Come On Get Higher

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire at the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly. Patrick Overton

That up there, that is spectacular. So perfect, I think. You can relate that quote to so many things in life. So many.

I step off into the darkness every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY! But I never fall. I never spin out of control. I am grounded and know when to ask for help. I know when to take that help too. I also know when to let go.

Letting go. Sometimes we must let go of people, places and things.

Psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz, author of Becoming Real: Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back, confirms that toxic friendships indeed exist. "These so-called toxic relationships will drain you and suck up your emotional energy," she says.

As such, friends who are too needy and negative are also classified as toxic. Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends, points out: "Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don't give anything back."

There is a saying that goes like this: "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you are living with turkeys." This is a good description of the effect that friendships can have on a life. A friend can either help you soar to new heights or hold you down. Those who help you fly are good

A toxic friend will highlight your negatives more than your positives. I know this to be 100% true. I lived through a toxic crappy horrid friendship and I think I am ready to talk about it a bit.

You know how you give and give and then give some more? Yeah, well thats what I did. And you know at the time I thought perhaps it was the right thing - the good thing to do. Hell fucking no. It was THE worst decisions of my life. If I add up the amount of money I spent it would literally make me sick to my stomach.

Now, you guys know me. I am a giver by nature. I really have a hard time accepting things from others. Well, of course except when you say how stunning I am. How adorable I am. Yeah, those words I can accept. I am talking more about stuff and shit and crap. So, I gave willingly and happily. AT THE TIME.

Then it occurred to me just how ridiculous and probably so very stupid it was of me to do this. To send such preposterous things just because. Clearly I wasn't thinking. It was all so pointless.

I harbor no anger. In fact, just the opposite. If you ask me what I feel right at this very moment I would have to use the word pity.

From Wikipedia:
Pity evokes a tender or sometimes slightly contemptuous sorrow or empathy for a people, person, or animal in misery, pain, or distress. In regard to humans, a protective or quasi-paternal feeling of pity may be felt towards marginalized or impoverished people such as homeless families; orphans; people with disabilities or terminal illness, and victims of rape and torture.

Sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy

Sure, I wish no harm to anybody. I just have zero caring or interest in toxic people. Wait, let me reiterate that. I only know of one toxic person. That is the person I have zero caring or interest in.

I am happy. I have a lot of great, caring, loving and supportive friends. I am never judged. I am accepted. I am even learning to pray. For the people I care about. And I ask for help when I need it.

I am not perfect. Far from it. I have many flaws and defects and shit to deal with. I suck at a lot of things. But, I work on what I know I can change. What I want to change. What should be changed because I think it should be. Ya know? I am getting my shit together.

Life is beautiful. As it should be. There are no endings. Only new beginnings. My beginning is stunning. It's sunny every day even in the dark. Even when I am on the edge, I pull back and admire how I react to things. I am happy that I let go of the toxic. I am happy beyond words. Because, It's all behind me. I laugh at it. I pity it. But, I am happy.

Shout outs to you all. All of you. YOU ALL ROCK MY WORLD!!

This post was cathartic for me. It was a release of emotional tension and I feel restored and fresh. Ready to go. I AM DONE!

The Universe told me today:
You do realize, Michelle, that your batting average is 100% when it comes to prevailing in adversity, setbacks, challenges, and recessions?

No wonder you're so famous here.
Mwah, baby -
The Universe

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."

-- Charlie Brown

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