Thursday, January 15, 2009

Can You Spot The Narcissist??? Post #204

So, check this out. I've been called a narcissist. Not by Liz Lemon, mind you Wow, big word there folks. Let's take a look at what a narcissist is OK? Come with me please while we sort this out...

What is Narcissism?

A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.

Most narcissists (75%) are men.

Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests").

1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2) Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4) requires excessive admiration
5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I am just as perplexed as you folks as to why somebody would consider me a narcissist. So, i want to break it down for you based on the above criteria.

1) So, if bragging about my running and expecting some high-fives along the way makes me narcissistic then by golly perhaps i am??? Narcissistic!!!

2) Preoccupied??? No! I possess neither success, power, brilliance or ideal love. Now beauty. Thats another story. I am stunning to all those who lay there eyes upon me. No really. I am. Everybody tells me. It's the first thing they say to me. How very beautiful i am!!! Ooops guess that makes me narcissistic.

3) Special?? Depends on your definition of special. Is riding the short bus special. Is the fact that i laugh at the Simpsons special? Is is special that i have to look up how to spell words on google?? Well if all that is special than i am a fucking narcissist.

4) Excessive i require it?? No! Do i want it? Yes! I want each and every one of you here to admire me to the exclusion of living your life. I want you to read my blog over and over again until it is etched into your brain. If you want, you can print out my photo and hang it up on your fridge. You know, in case you miss me, when your not here reading my blog. Yep, guess i am narcissistic.

5) Of course i want favorable treatment. I want to be able to walk into the post office/bank and be sent to the front to the line. Every single time i go there i want to be first. After all, i am narcissistic.

6) Good one here. Yes, indeed i take advantage of others. I especially love to take advantage of little kids and old ladies. They seem to be easily confused and i can pretty much get away with anything. Perhaps, the icecream truck just arrived and i am feeling a banana split. I will literally tell the old lady and kid that i am dying and if they don't let me get in front of them that very second, i will fall to the floor in a heap of narcissistic jelly!

7) So, thats what i lack...Empathy. I cannot seem to understand why others have needs and feelings and all that shit. I thought it was just me. Narcissistic?? You bet!!!

8) Now tell me...why in the world would i be envious of you, when i am soooo much better??? Just doesn't make sense does it? I don't want to expend my precious energy on that shit. Just know i am better than all of you OK? Oh and i am narcissistic.

9) Scornfully and condescendingly proud. That's what haughty means, for all you folks that are stupid. Sorry, but i am a bit arrogant you know? Comes with the territory of being...yep you guessed it - a narcissist!!!

Now since it's all about me, always i want you to watch this music video now!!!

Barenaked Ladies - One Week (The Bathroom Sessions)
Its been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said Im angry.
Five days since you laughed at me
Saying get that together come back and see me.
Three days since the living room
I realized its all my fault, but couldnt tell you
Yesterday youd forgiven me
But itll still be two days till I say Im sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
Youll think youre looking at aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the chalet swiss
I like the sushi cause its never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like leann rimes
Because Im all about value
Bert kaempferts got the mad hits
You try to match wits
You try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
Id like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, its the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then youll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause its so dangerous, youll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think youre funny when youre mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
Im the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Cant understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

Its been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air and said youre crazy
Five days since you tackled me
Ive still got the rug burns on both my knees
Its been three days since the afternoon
You realized its not my fault not a moment too soon
Yesterday youd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait till you say youre sorry

Chickity china the chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin
Watchin x-files with no lights on, were dans la maison
I hope the smoking mans in this one
Like harrison ford Im getting frantic
Like sting Im tantric
Like snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like kurasawa I make mad films
Okay I dont make films
But if I did theyd have a samurai
Gonna get a set of better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs just so my
Irons arent always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with sailor moon
Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think youre funny when youre mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
Im the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Cant understand what I mean? you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

Its been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides and said Im sorry
Five days since I laughed at you
And said you just did just what I thought you were gonna do
Three days since the living room
We realized were both to blame, but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause itll still be two days till we say were sorry
Itll still be two days till we say were sorry
Itll still be two days till we say were sorry
Birchmount stadium, home of the robbie

I love the Barenaked Ladies. They are whimsical and adorable. Kinda just like me, you know? Special...

"If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself."
Norman Vincent Peale

Again, it's all about me!! And only ME!!!
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