Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Times They Are A-Changin'

I am feeling really freaky today. I am so focused on zombies and the fact that if I stop that exact focus, they will come to consume me. So, i stay focused.

Also, I am not a runner anymore. I can say I am a runner, but in reality I suck at it. It seems that not running for 9 weeks makes you a noobie. Like I never ran EVAH! I go out there and I am all like I am going to run a 9 minute mile. That is doable right? SURE!!!

So, I start running, fast at first. Within about 2 minutes I am completely unable to breathe. My iPod was on loud so I shut it off for a second and all I heard was horrible wheezing and the breathing of someone, unable to actually take in air. So, I slowed down. Not because I wanted to, just because if I didn't, I would have died. And believe me, I absolutely do not want to die while up on the boardwalk, running. Let the zombies eat me, let me gain 600 lbs and die of morbid obesity but no fucking way in hell will I die running.

So, I hit mile 1 in 10.11. NOT!!! Here is the freaky part. I know I saw 10.11 on the garmin. But, here is what I really ran for mile 1.

1 10' 26 -2' 44 5.8 +1.2 +3 ft
2 13' 25 +0' 15 4.5 -0.1 -4 ft
3 11' 48 -1' 22 5.1 +0.5 0 ft
end 21' 58 +8' 48 2.7 -1.8 0 ft
Versus average of 13' 10 min/mile: Slower Faster

10.26. I am just assuming that in my choking, wheezing, unable to breathe haze, I saw 10.11. And, I did see that damn it.

I am freaky and dejected and pretty fucking pissed off. You know, first because I shouldn't even be running and second because I now suck as a runner. Also, I didn't like the way the old men on the boardwalk were staring at me.

Not sure if they were mocking my inability to run or if they were wanting a little sumtin sumtin under the boardwalk. I saw them leering at me as if their 80 year old package was about to take off. Yeah, I still got it. I must have looked really stunning in my capri running tights and 15 year old tee shirt. Thankfully, I left the red fanny pack home.

So, here's the thing - I shouldn't be running. I am a freak out of control. Damn, I so wish it was the middle of January again. And snowing heavily. I heard zombies don't like snow....Anybody know if thats true??

Oh I did not have an xray this week after all. Next week. Dr. TOE said he wanted me to have 3 weeks in with the ultrasound shit machine. Then an xray to see that the ultrasound shit machine did absolutely shit.

Because ultrasound shit machines really don't work on freaks who don't listen and run when they shouldn't.

And talking about freaks:

Mom ruins spring break bikini competition.
This scared the living daylights out of me. Yeah, now I only have dead daylights in me. Oh, not to worry, that is not my mom, but still - SHE.IS.A.MOM. And I am guessing that the child of said MOM is right there watching this spectacle.

Oh and that photo up there, thats my freaky family portrait. IN MY DREAMS.....And I do dream a lot. Freaky dreams too. Dreams that make absolutely no sense at all. When I wake up, I'm all like WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?? In my defense, I am a very complex person with many layers like a shallot. My mind is always spinning in squares.

So, there is a possibility I may amputate my TOE. My friend Ted suggested it and he feels if I do that, it would keep me out of the nut house and I could just get on with it. So, yeah I am thinking of making some sort of amputation party. You are all invited of course. I throw a great party and the food will be unsurpassed. Lots of booze too!

Self Explanatory right here!

The Universe told me today:
Sometimes, understanding their fears, Michelle, helps you to understand their actions, as well as their pain.

Plus, understanding their fears sometimes helps you to understand your own.
Ti amo,
The Universe

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! 

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