Michelle's Happy Dance...

The Saga Continues:
Today, I had an appointment with an orthopedic sports doctor who is a Board Certified Orthopaedic Surgeon. His specialty training is Foot and Ankle Surgery, with a special interest in sports medicine. He is skilled in ankle and subtalar arthroscopy, ankle ligament reconstruction, Achilles tendon repair, tendon transfers, hallux valgus (bunion) corrections, and foot and ankle fractures/dislocations.

Sorry to get so boring up there. Anyway, the xray.....well there is not much difference between the one they took today, and the first one taken on January 22nd. Pretty much looks the same to me. He moved my toe up and down and touched it all over and it DID NOT HURT. He was very surprised about that. This is xray from January 22nd You can see the break on the right there into the joint!
































This is today's xray. You can see the same break there on the right. THE SAME!!!

Can I run? YES! He said as long as it doesn't hurt, go for it. Do I need surgery? No, he said. Can I run the Half Marathon on May 30th? If it doesn't hurt, then you sure can!!

Oh, he did say he wants me to continue the ultrasound machine for 6 weeks and come in for another xray.
Bottom line....it may never heal. Well it may never heal with bone filling into the break. He said scar tissue may fill in a bit but probably no bone. WHY? Just a bad break in a bad area.

I have an appointment on May 12th... So, I think this may be the last of the TOE saga for a while. I know I must be fucking boring you all to tears, but this is no April Fool's joke. It's for real. My 10 weeks of ass sitting is officially coming to an end. I can call myself a runner once again! WOO!!

It is what it is. And it's fucking happy day.














I am not sure how to word this correctly, but to each and every one of you - you have made the past 10 weeks infinitely better just by being here or there or everywhere. Knowing, I was able to vent and talk about it here AND not be judged AND be accepted AND loved AND you know, all the mushy gushy stuff, well it has made a world of difference to me. Not only are you guys THE BOMB, you also ROCK and ROLL and your just plain amazing. I thank you all from the bottom of my TOE!! Ha, you thought I was going to say heart didn't you!!! APRIL FOOL's!!! WOO!!!

The Universe told me today:
Ever notice how, when someone dreams of happiness, abundance, health, romance, or friendship, they never have to wonder if it's in their best interest?

But when someone dreams of a specific house, employer, love interest, deadline, dollar amount, or diet fad, they often end up contradicting themselves?

Keep your "end results" general, . Everything else is just a how.
To the big picture,
The Universe

"Colors are the smiles of nature."

Scream Your Excitement.....

Do you see the potential here? First, isn't it every women's dream to have a "shoe" closet? Well, in my case it is my dream to have a "running kicks" closet. Dude, I am drooling over the thought. All my kicks - not only in alphabetical order BUT also in color order. I get giddy just thinking about the possibilities.

Now real dude's what up yo? Can you picture it? Green man, you out there? A dream come true I suppose.

What would your dream closet be like? What would it hold? A little bit of everything or just 1 important item in your life? I'd like to know!!
















The Universe told me today:
Michelle, the Chinese say, "The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today."

Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way.
The Universe

“When Rabbit said, `Honey or condensed milk with your bread?' he was so excited that he said, `Both,' and then, so as not to seem greedy, he added, `But don't bother about the bread, please.'” A A Milne

Lights And Sounds...

Yellow Card - Lights and Sounds
Hello you
How was the rest?
You made it through
But never the less
I got you, out on a wire
You be love and I’ll be a liar
Tell it all and fill up the air
But make it loud ‘cause nobody’s there
Nobody’s there
Nobody's there (yeah)

Stop, turn, take a look around
At all the lights and sounds
Let ‘em bring you in
Slow, burn, let it all fade out
And pull the curtain down
I Wonder where you've been

Make it new but stay in the lines
Just let go
But keep it inside
Smile big, for everyone
Even when you know what they’ve done
They gave you the end but not where to start
Not how to build, how to tear it apart
So tell it all and fill up the air
But make it loud ‘cause nobody’s there
Nobody’s there

Stop, turn, take a look around
At all the lights and sounds
Let ‘em bring you in
Slow, burn, let it all fade out
And pull the curtain down
I wonder where you've been

Stop, turn, take a look around
At all the lights and sounds
Let ‘em bring you in
Slow, burn, let it all fade out
And pull the curtain down
I Wonder where you've been
You've earned everything you've found
And painted faces frown
I'll say I knew you will....

Sunday WORD OF THE DAY:
RUNNING: WOO!!
Running is a means for an animal to move on foot. It is defined in sporting terms as a gait in which at some point all feet are off the ground at the same time. This is in contrast to walking, where one foot is always in contact with the ground, the legs are kept mostly straight and the center of gravity rides along fairly smoothly on top of the legs. The term running can refer to any of a variety of speeds ranging from jogging to sprinting. Traveling on foot at a fast pace; "he broke into a run"; "his daily run keeps him fit"

1. Running
1) the physical act of, basically, moving your feet in a fast rythmic motion to propel yourself forward at a greater speed than if you were walking or jogging.
2) a sport, wherein people run as a form of athletic activity as opposed to merely another action that a person can take. In other words, they run for the sake of running (or in order to compete with other individuals in an event called a "race.") Some people totally dedicate themselves to this sport, to the point where it is a major part of their lives. Others do it on a fairly regular basis in order to stay in shape, or as part of a training/workout regimen.
Still others run occasionally, when they feel like it.
In order to run well, it helps to have good form (running incorrectly can put stress on your joints and be even more painful), good endurance, patience, and commitment (you don't just give up after 5 seconds, or you'll never get anywhere).

So, I ran 3 days in a row. 3 miles each time. Yeah, I know. I know I shouldn't be running 3 miles YET. Here are my stats:

3/26/09 3 miles 31.48 10.36 min/mile mile 3 ran in 9.56 355 calories burned
3/27/09 3 miles 31.25 10.28 min/mile mile 1 ran in 9.55 359 calories burned
3/28/09 3 miles 31.42 10.34 min/mile mile 2 ran in 10.10 360 calories burned

I realize I am pretty obsessed with times and paces and even calories. Humor me OK?

As far as my TOE is concerned, zero pain when running, zero pain when walking. Last night it was slightly puffy and red but this morning looks back to normal. Normal being relative of course. The ONLY time it does hurt is if I take my fingers and move my toe up and down or back and forth. It is then and only then that I feel pain. And not the jumping out of my skin kind of pain.

April 1st will be exactly 10 weeks since the break.

Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon or star.
Confucius

The dark side of the mind. The mind without light to see or discover or understand new things, different ways to doing, being, thinking, believing. Even the night, with its moon and stars is light and shows the way in the world, to a new world, a new way. (thank you dear friend Pat)

I am living in the light now folks. Darkness may come over me, but I will not allow it to envelope me in a menacing way. I love the dark, but I love it so that I can appreciate the universe and the galaxy and the mystery it gives to us. It teaches us to see things in a unique way. A good way.

I am not spouting these thoughts just because its spring and I am running again. I don't spout lightly. You go through stuff, whatever it may be and you usually come out stronger at the other end.

Oh, its not all lights and music. My mom, well she is dealing with CLL. Chronic lymphocytic leukemia. So, in essence I am dealing with CLL as well. So much to say about it, but I will hold off for another post.

So, it's Sunday and raining and gloomy and dark - yet all I am seeing is light. How freaking cool is that??














“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
Oscar Wild

You Can Turn Off The Sun, But I'm Still Gonna Shine

How much of human life is lost, in waiting??
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about this!
Waiting for your life to begin
Waiting for your team to win
Waiting for the train to arrive
Waiting for your kid to strive
Waiting for the rain to pass
Waiting for the bell after class
Waiting for the job of your dreams
Waiting for things to become what they seem
Waiting for inspiration to come
Waiting to become rich and then some
Waiting for a person to change
Waiting for a bad mood to disappear
Waiting for your head to clear
Waiting for your boss to see your worth
Waiting for heaven on earth
Waiting for your due
Waiting for a cue
Waiting for someone to understand
Waiting for your enemies to be banned
Waiting for the world to get better
Waiting for that love letter
Waiting for something that will never come
Waiting for things to become undone
Waiting for wisdom to teach me
That waiting is just wasting time




Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could
Now we see everything is going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They woulda never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on the door
When you trust your television
What you get is what you got 'cause when they own the information ooohhh,
They can bend it all they want!

That's why we're waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change


One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
Now we keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)

I waited 10 weeks until I could run again. I know this analogy may not be exactly right but as I was waiting, I lost precious time. I lost speed and I lost my fitness level. All because I had to wait.

Waiting is tedious and unforgiving. You walk into a bank or the DMV and invariably you will be waiting. You must make allowances in your day for waiting. 20 minutes for the subway. 10 minutes in Trader Joe's. 15 minutes to use the restroom (WOMAN). It is fucking annoying but it is inevitable isn't it?

A woman waits 9 months to give birth. Patience is a virtue they say!

From Wikipedia:
Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

I think of myself, most times as impetuous. Impulsive, thus waiting around is rendered quite torturous for me.

The best strategy for developing patience is by example.

Do you honk at other drivers when they are going too slow? I do!! So did my dad when I was growing up. I wonder...did I learn my impatience from him? Did he set the bar so low that I simply refuse to wait?

Well, I certainly didn't "WAIT" to run did I? Something to think about!! So, I am off for my run now. I think I've waited long enough, don't you??

What are some of the things that you wait for? And, do you mind the wait - like I do? Do you believe in the old say:
All good things come to those, that wait??



































The opposite of talking isn't listening.
The opposite of talking is waiting.

Inside All Of Us Is A Wild Thing....

I didn't want to wake you up - But I really want to show you something....

Inside all of us is HOPE
Inside all of us is FEAR
Inside all of us is ADVENTURE



















There's one in all of us!!!














The Universe told me today:
Warming planet - check.
Species on brink of extinction - check.
Ice caps melting - check.
Economies in chaos - check.
Michelle "in the house" - the one and only.
Grab a seat. We're about to witness the most exciting comeback in history.

How do you always get these leading roles?
The Universe

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”

One Week - Jumping For Joy....

Barenaked Ladies - One Week
It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to one side and said I'm angry
Five days since you laughed at me saying
Get that together, come back and see me
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgien me
But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry


Hold it now and watch the Hoodwink
As I make you stop, think.
You'll think you're lookin' at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish,
Although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi'cause its ever touched a frying pan
Hot like Wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Becasue im all about value
Bert Kaempfort's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me
But I bust through.
Gonna make a break and take a fake,
I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake
I like vanilla, its the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, 'cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause its so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver


How can I help if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will
I have the tendancy to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt


It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms inthe air and said you're crazy
Five days since you tackled me,
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized its not my fault, not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me,
And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry



Vampire week is officially OVAH!










It is unheard of for Raw Cool to post 2 times in 1 day, but this simply cannot be helped. Once again, Vampire week is OVAH! I just came home from DR. TOE! I was all set to have an X-ray because, well thats what he told me last week.

NO!! NO!! NO!! He wants to wait ONE MORE WEEK to take another X-ray. BUT, BUT, BUT, he uttered the words I've been longing to hear for 10 weeks now. He said "Oh, you can run 1 mile every other day OR 1/2 mile every day. I know you runner's know when to take it easy right?". Umm, like YEAH!

Then I'm all like, but I have to tell you something Dr. TOE! I, I, I ran a bit. And then I quickly looked down to avert his horrified glance. Yet, all I heard was laughing. A big hearty laugh too. Dr Toe was all like, "and you were afraid to tell me, weren't you? Umm, like YEAH!! No hard done, he said.

Now, I am not sure if Dr TOE just likes me and wants to make me happy, or he really feels I can start running a bit because he feels there is more healing? I'd like to think its the latter!

I have a running date tomorrow morning with my running/doctor/mentor and I will appreciate it for what it is. A new beginning. A start. Slow and steady wins the race!!

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.”

"To know someone here or there
with whom you can feel
there is understanding
in spite of distances or
thoughts expressed
That can make life a garden."
~ Goethe

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
-- Albert Schweitzer

Simply, Thank You!!!!!!

The Hazards Of Love...

The Decemberists - Hazards of Love
My true love went riding out
in white and green and gray
past the pale of office wall
where she was want to stray
and there she came upon
a white and wounded faun

Singing
Oh, oh
the hazards of love

she, being full of charity,
a credit to her sex
saught to right the faun's hind legs
when here her plans were vexxed
The shifted strange
the beast began to change

Singing
Oh, oh
The hazards of love
Singing
Oh, oh oh oh
The hazards of love
You'll learn soon enough
The prettiest whistles won't wrestle the thistles undone
Undone

Fifteen maidens lay
along in their bower
fourteen occupations pay
to pass the idle hour

Margret heaves a sigh
Her hands clasped to her thigh

Singing
Oh, oh
The hazards of love
Singing
Oh, oh oh oh
The hazards of love
you'll learn soon enough
The prettiest whistles won't wrestle the thistles undone







He met my eyes with his penetrating gaze. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. The temperature in the room spiked into the tropical range. My heart pounded in my chest like a ritual drum, and my knees threatened to buckle. I'd never seen such a gorgeous male. My logical mind engaged in a futile attempt to regain my attention -- to remind me that I'd just met this stranger and my behavior was unacceptable. Inappropriate. But something about him felt dark and dangerous. Desirable. I lifted my chin to give him better access to my neck. He smiled, showing a hint of fangs."

Vampires are all the rage these days.

Wait, what? Vampires??

They're creepy, they suck your blood, and they turn you into a creature of the night. So why do fanged vampires spark love at first bite?

The vampire represents the quintessential bad boy, He's got a terrible reputation, he's gorgeous, he's dangerous and most of all he's vulnerable.

We're drawn to vampires because of the thrill.

The newest vampire on the scene is the moody and handsome Edward Cullen in the movie Twilight.
And Edward's not the only member of the undead who's popular these days. On the HBO series "True Blood," Bill Compton is strong, fast and has switchblade-like fangs.

There is something very sexy about a vampire. They are intense and their need to be close to other humans is appealing. It's exciting because you just never know when a vampire is going to lose control and have to bite you.

Edward is a vampire who looks like a Greek god, he's insanely good looking, forever young and all he wants to do is read your thoughts and spend time with you When is the last time most men told their wife he wishes he could read her thoughts?

Women also love the concept of succumbing to a vampire, A vampire is a powerful man who sneaks into bed with you at night and, though he doesn't take you, he promises you eternal life. Once a vampire bites you, you become immortal.

Vampires are the ultimate safe sex. In the film Twilight' there is absolutely no sex and yet the vampire, is such a sex symbol he has the girls swooning for him.

I, myself find young male vampires totally hot and inviting. It is a powerful lure and pull. Then again, I am a sucker for insanely good looking men!
















So, are there hazards in loving a vampire? They don't follow any human rules or laws. Imagine James Dean with fangs.
I read this:
Women in therapy often report disappointment with the 'human' males they're in relationship with, "Would a handsome vampire sit in front of the television, scratching his stomach and drinking beer? Are women lusting after the undead Homer Simpson? Probably not. Imagining a heart-stoppingly-gorgeous man hovering outside your window is much more fun. Most of my clients would open the window."

So yeah, my window is always open.....

The Universe told me today:
Someone loves you very, very much, Michelle, and because you received this email, no matter how you received this email, it's important that you know it.
Someone besides me,
The Universe
"Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real." — Iris Murdoch
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
— Marcel Proust
“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” —
Margaret Drabble

Taste Of Blood....

Mazzy Star - Taste Of Blood
Red oh red,
The taste of blood
On lips of wine
Red so silent,
Wait a minute
Or just a little while
What are you looking for,
The taste of red,
The taste of fear
From your seemingly convincing smile
Red oh red,
The taste of blood
On lips of wine
The time is waiting maybe
Takes away from your demise
From your demise
Say you're slippin'
Maybe so
It's not easy
Now you know

It is Vampire week here at Raw Cool.


















We all pretty much know what vampires are and do and how they live. Or we all have our "own" version a a vampire. Just to clarify what they are specifically:

Vampires are beings of folklore and mythology that basically exist by feeding off the lifeforce of humans and/or animals. Usually, they are “undead” or ressurrected corpses, who live off the blood of other beings. Undead is a collective name for fictional or legendary beings that are deceased yet behave as if alive. Undead may be incorporeal, such as ghosts, or corporeal, such as vampires and zombies. Undead are featured in the legends of most cultures and in many works of fantasy and horror fiction.

But, today being the first of 4 days of Vampire posts, Raw cool wants to talk about "feeding off of others" Much like a psychic vampire who feeds off the spiritual or emotional energy of another being to make itself stronger.

Think about this. I'll wait. Don't we all do this at one time or another. I do.

In its purest form,I go for my morning run. Up ahead, I see a gazelle runner. Real fast and beautiful. So, I speed up, try to catch the gazelle so I can "feed" off and get "energy" from him/her so that I now become a gazelle runner to. Imagine your aura extending out towards your target and then when it reaches, imagine the energy being sucked like a vacuum into you. Gazelle runners energy floats into my head and I can't be stopped. It's happened folks.












Also, psychic vampires do not feed to harm others only to save themselves. They can replenish their own life force from feeding off things such as: The Environment, which can include lightening, thunderstorms, and natural events, such as oceans, tides, and full moons. Plants and Trees, usually in wide-open spaces. The main food source for psychic vampires is Life Energy. The way in which they feed in order to receive Life Energy is through Ambient feeding – taking excess energy from those around them Sexual energy – energy is created during the sex act Emotional energy – can feed off any emotion such as fear, hate, sadness, envy, greed, happiness, and love.

So, yo think about this. We do this. All the fucking time. We feed off of other peoples emotions. It is just human nature.

I feed off of music too. It inhabits my soul and evokes all sorts of emotions. I can make me feel euphoric or depressed all in a matter of 5 minutes.

What I refuse to feed on though, is hate - greed - and any toxic shit that I feel coming towards me. I run in the opposite direction and refuse to look back. I stay far far away from those sorts of people. It's bad for my karma. In fact, its bad for most people, vampires included.


So, what do you "feed" off of? Could be scriptures from the bible, could be your family's love, could be food....What makes you feel strong and whole and satisfied?



The Universe told me today:
Tell me, Michelle, do folks really think they can become lost, end up lonely, or fail, when all they have to do to change absolutely everything is help another?
Your G.P.S. of love,
The Universe
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster...when you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes back."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream.
-Edgar Allan Poe

If You Wake A Sleepwalker You Risk Getting Urinated On - Or Thanked On..

Kanye West - Good Morning
Wake up, Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh
Mr. by-his-self-he-so-impressed
I mean, damn, did you even see the test
You got D's mother fucker, D's, Rosie Perez
And yes, barely pass any and every class
Looking at every ass
Cheated on every test
I guess this is my dissertation
Homie, this shit is basic
Welcome to graduation

Good morning
Good morning
Good morning
Good morning

Good morning
On this day we become legendary
Everything we dreamed of
I'm like a fly Malcolm X
Buy any jeans necessary
Detroit Red cleaned up
From the streets of the league
From an eighth to a key
But you graduate when you make it up outta the streets
From the moments of pain
Look how far we done came
Haters saying ya changed
Now ya doing ya thing


Good morning
Look at the valedictorian scared of the future
While I hop in the Delorean
Scared-to-face-the-world complacent career student
Some people graduate, but we still stupid
They tell you read this, eat this, don't look around
Just peep this, preach us, teach us, Jesus
Okay, look up now, they done stole your streetness
After all of that, you receive this



Sunday WORD OF THE DAY:
RECALCITRANT

1: obstinately defiant of authority or restraint
2: difficult to manage or operate b: not responsive to treatment c: resistant
marked by a stubborn unwillingness to obey figures of authority
hard to deal with or operate
AND MY FAVORITE:
Choosing not to atone for one's crimes.
The recalcitrant bastard child fleed from the authorities.
I bet you all knew I would pick recalcitrant as Sunday word of the day huh?? No surprise there!

Do you live in a bubble? And by bubble, I don't mean like John Travolta in The Boy in the plastic bubble. I caught the most recent episode of my favorite comedy 30 Rock this week and in it Liz Lemon is dating this really handsome doctor. Well, check this out:

This racket is a FART!!!

So, the bubble I am referring to is when your kinda expecting things to go "your" way "all" the time. Sorry for the air quotes there but I need to make my point. You enter a trendy restaurant expecting to be seated right away, you play tennis and suck at it, but want to be told you ROCK! You think you can order anything you want in said trendy restaurant even if it is is "NOT ON THE MENU"....air quotes big time there. You suck at cooking and put gatorade in your recipe because you THINK the cooking channel said it was cool. You suck at sex but want to be told how you ROCKED his/her world.

It is like waking a sleepwalker. Your taking a risk. The sleepwalker could beat the shit out of you OR urinate on you. It could go either way. The person living in a bubble is just like a sleepwalker. Has no clue what the fuck he/she is doing but thinks in their mind that they are all that and MORE!!

Here is what I want to do. I want to walk around with an enormous sharp object and POP all the bubble people. POP them back to reality. Make them see they are just like everybody else. Make them realize that their tennis rackets are not FARTS. They are the FARTS.

I, myself do not live in a bubble. Well, Ok I am stunning and I do ROCK at most things, but I fart if I have to. And sure I always say something like "hey if you deny it, you supply it" giggling and walking away while fanning my ass. But, I know that there are probably some things I suck at. I would really have to reach deep down to figure out what those things are, but I know there has to be "some things"

Oh, oh I know. I know I cannot crochet. It's just not in my DNA. Or RNA. Or whatever NA I have. I cannot roller skate either. Then again, who would want to roller skate? That is so 1980's. I cannot put together something from IKEA! There are always 64 extra nails and screws that I end up throwing across the room. I cannot polish my own nails. I cannot perform open heart surgery.

But, what can I do? I can be the best person I can be. I can be the best friend I can be. I can be there for my loved ones and my friends. I can run like a mother fucker. And so much more.

My bubble is me being me. I let those into my bubble whom I trust and love and care about. I have no time in my life for people who are critical and mean and uptight and negative all the time. My life is so much more than that.

So, folks don't wake the sleepwalker. Just surround yourself with people that are truly awake and living. Or else you will get urinated on. That is just a fact of life.

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.”

Now I’ll play, and you sing- The perfect way for the evening to begin. I won’t sit down, and I won’t shut up, and most of all I won’t “grow up”.

Frank Turner - Photosynthesis
Well I guess I should confess that I am starting to get old. All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold. All the kids are talking slang I won’t pretend to understand. All my friends are getting married. Mortgages and pension plans. And it’s obvious my angry adolescent days are done. And I’m happy and I’m settled in the person I’ve become. But that doesn’t mean I’m settled up and sitting out the game- Time may change a lot. But some things they stay the same.

And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I yeah I won't grow up


Maturity’s a wrapped-up package deal or so it seems. Ditching teenage fantasy means ditching all your dreams. All your friends and peers and family solemnly tell you you will have to grow up. Be and adult. Be bored and unfulfilled. But no one’s yet explained to me exactly what’s so great about slaving 50 years away on something that you hate. About meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity. Well if that’s your road then take it but it’s not the road for me.

And if all you ever do with your life is photosynthesize, then you’ll deserve every hour of your sleepless nights that you waste wondering when you’re going to die.

Now I’ll play, and you sing- The perfect way for the evening to begin. I won’t sit down, and I won’t shut up, and most of all I won’t “grow up”.

Raw cool has found it. Found her "song". If this song doesn't say it, then for fuck's sake what does?? And I know you all feel the same way. RIGHT??? Come on.

I see you all slowly shaking your heads in agreement saying "shit, why didn't I think to write a song for Raw cool to live by?? WHY OH WHY? Ok, please stop slamming your head on your computer desk!!

Yes, I am an adult. Yes, I know this. My body tells me every single day.

You know, I was really pissed off this morning. Wanna know why? Well, I was all excited about the fact that today in the Northern Hemisphere spring officially began at 7:44 a.m. —the vernal equinox, or spring equinox.

But don't be fooled by the old rumor that on the vernal equinox the length of day is exactly equal to the length of night.
"Exactly when it happens depends on where you are located on the surface of the Earth,

By the time the center of the sun passes over the Equator—the official definition of equinox—the day will be slightly longer than the night everywhere on Earth. The difference is a matter of geometry, atmosphere, and language.

So, already I see the day may not go according to plan. I now needed to learn geometry, I needed to know about earth's atmosphere and somehow I needed to know some sort of language. NOT GOOD!!!

Also, and this is the most important part of my day, I wanted to stand my eggs on end at exactly 7.44 am. I was ready. I had a dozen fresh eggs. I had heard it’s easier to stand an egg if you shake it a little first to help the yolk settle. So I started shaking and my thumb went right though the shell and the yolk flew onto the kitchen wall. Then when I was cleaning the wall, I glanced at the clock and it said 7.45 am. I fucking missed it. My window of opportunity was gone for another year.

So, with these two strikes against me I thought perhaps I would go for a nice RUN oops WALK. I skipped across the living room to take a peek outside and it was fucking SNOWING.....I shit you not!!!

So, now what?? I started massaging my ass on the sofa and found the song by Frank Turner. I spent the rest of the day watching the video and singing the song.

It doesn't get much better than that, does it folks!!! I am flexible and open to change in every aspect of my life!! Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"”

The Universe told me today:
Excuse me, Michelle, but I don't think I noticed, "do a little dance," on your "to-do list."

You do plan to dance today, don't you?
Get down,
The Universe

I want to truly thank you all for your kind comments and support!!! It means so much to me!!!  You are all ROCK STARS!!!!

The Recalcitrant Runner.....

Kate Nash - Nicest Thing



Snow Patrol - You Could Be Happy



Regina Spektor - Raindrops


Coldplay - Yellow

You all know me by now, and you know I am quite difficult and defiant and I resist authority I do not obey orders nor do I listen to or comply with my doctor's orders. I am rebellious, stubborn and basically pretty fucking ridiculous. Childish and I don't like to follow the rules.

So, before I start to grovel and seem quite pathetic I thought I would include some cool music I am digging at the moment. I found this cool youtuber who makes nice animation videos and I want to share! It is called musicANDmuffins.

Ok, so dear Fhina turned me on to this word: RECALCITRANT and it describes me to perfection. What I need to do is try to understand WHY I do what I do. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that running is not the right thing to do. I also know running is not the smartest thing to do. I also know running is not anything I should be doing at this moment in time.

I will not use any excuses. It's not right and it makes me sound even more fucking ridiculous. I am not a child. Far from it. I know that if there is any chance for me to run again, I need to NOT run now. It is so simple yet I make it complicated.

Self destructive behavior, to me, is when we neglect our bodies and do not give them rest and exercise OR when we drive ourselves, overworking or over exercising to please others or to make ourselves feel okay. Perhaps, just perhaps this is what I am doing?? I don't really know, but I had a long talk with Liz Lemon today and we (I) have a plan. A good plan for me to work on and achieve.

I really want you all to know how much I appreciate you all. Let me try to put it into mere words.

• You never put me down, laughed at me or made me feel inadequate.
• You have become my friends and I feel as though I can be totally open and honest.
• No matter how foolish I sound I have never felt that I am being judged.
• Blogging can be as impersonal or personal as you make it. Here I can be pretty upfront.
• Each day that passes makes me realize and respect and love all of you even more!
  
  There is so much more I want to say but here is the bottom line:
  I am not going to run until I am given the go-ahead by my doctor. I also intend to get a 2nd opinion just because. I am using the ultrasound machine faithfully. I did see Dr. TOE today for my toe to be rewrapped and Dr. TOE said no harm done. For that I am grateful.
  
  
  

The Universe told me today:
People, when given a chance, Michelle, smile, skip, and dance.

They create, play, and laugh.

They care, share, and love.

And the ones who don't, haven't yet realized that chances are something you give yourself.
Double dare you,
The Universe







































"Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you are a
mistake."


Oh, not to worry, I should be back to my regularly scheduled silliness tomorrow!!! K??

The Times They Are A-Changin'

I am feeling really freaky today. I am so focused on zombies and the fact that if I stop that exact focus, they will come to consume me. So, i stay focused.

Also, I am not a runner anymore. I can say I am a runner, but in reality I suck at it. It seems that not running for 9 weeks makes you a noobie. Like I never ran EVAH! I go out there and I am all like I am going to run a 9 minute mile. That is doable right? SURE!!!

So, I start running, fast at first. Within about 2 minutes I am completely unable to breathe. My iPod was on loud so I shut it off for a second and all I heard was horrible wheezing and the breathing of someone, unable to actually take in air. So, I slowed down. Not because I wanted to, just because if I didn't, I would have died. And believe me, I absolutely do not want to die while up on the boardwalk, running. Let the zombies eat me, let me gain 600 lbs and die of morbid obesity but no fucking way in hell will I die running.

So, I hit mile 1 in 10.11. NOT!!! Here is the freaky part. I know I saw 10.11 on the garmin. But, here is what I really ran for mile 1.
Splits
MILE PACE (MIN/MILE) SPEED (MPH) ELEVATION

1 10' 26 -2' 44 5.8 +1.2 +3 ft
2 13' 25 +0' 15 4.5 -0.1 -4 ft
3 11' 48 -1' 22 5.1 +0.5 0 ft
end 21' 58 +8' 48 2.7 -1.8 0 ft
Versus average of 13' 10 min/mile: Slower Faster

10.26. I am just assuming that in my choking, wheezing, unable to breathe haze, I saw 10.11. And, I did see that damn it.

I am freaky and dejected and pretty fucking pissed off. You know, first because I shouldn't even be running and second because I now suck as a runner. Also, I didn't like the way the old men on the boardwalk were staring at me.

Not sure if they were mocking my inability to run or if they were wanting a little sumtin sumtin under the boardwalk. I saw them leering at me as if their 80 year old package was about to take off. Yeah, I still got it. I must have looked really stunning in my capri running tights and 15 year old tee shirt. Thankfully, I left the red fanny pack home.

So, here's the thing - I shouldn't be running. I am a freak out of control. Damn, I so wish it was the middle of January again. And snowing heavily. I heard zombies don't like snow....Anybody know if thats true??

Oh I did not have an xray this week after all. Next week. Dr. TOE said he wanted me to have 3 weeks in with the ultrasound shit machine. Then an xray to see that the ultrasound shit machine did absolutely shit.

Because ultrasound shit machines really don't work on freaks who don't listen and run when they shouldn't.

And talking about freaks:

Mom ruins spring break bikini competition.
This scared the living daylights out of me. Yeah, now I only have dead daylights in me. Oh, not to worry, that is not my mom, but still - SHE.IS.A.MOM. And I am guessing that the child of said MOM is right there watching this spectacle.

Oh and that photo up there, thats my freaky family portrait. IN MY DREAMS.....And I do dream a lot. Freaky dreams too. Dreams that make absolutely no sense at all. When I wake up, I'm all like WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?? In my defense, I am a very complex person with many layers like a shallot. My mind is always spinning in squares.

So, there is a possibility I may amputate my TOE. My friend Ted suggested it and he feels if I do that, it would keep me out of the nut house and I could just get on with it. So, yeah I am thinking of making some sort of amputation party. You are all invited of course. I throw a great party and the food will be unsurpassed. Lots of booze too!



















Self Explanatory right here!

The Universe told me today:
Sometimes, understanding their fears, Michelle, helps you to understand their actions, as well as their pain.

Plus, understanding their fears sometimes helps you to understand your own.
Ti amo,
The Universe

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! 

FLOAT - Kiss Me, I'm Shit-Faced....

Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies
Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Five hundred years like Gelignite
Have blown us all to hell
What savior rests while on his cross we die
"Forgotten Freedom Burns"
Has the Shepard led his lambs astray
to the bigot and the gun

Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

I watch and stare as Rosin`s eyes
Turn a darker shade of red
And the bullet with this sniper lie
In their bloody gutless cell
Must we starve on crumbs from long ago
Through these bars of men made steel
Is it a great or little thing we fought
Knelt the conscience blessed to kill

Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

Ah, but maybe it`s the way you were taught
Or maybe it`s the way we fought
But a smile never grins without tears to begin
For each kiss is a cry we all lost
Though nothing is left to gain
But for the banshee that stole the grave
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

I sit in and dwell on faces past
Like memories seem to fade
No colour left but black and white
And soon will all turn grey
But may these shadows rise to walk again
With lessons truly learnt
When the blossom flowers in each our hearts
Shall beat a new found flame

Must it take a life for hateful eyes
To glisten once again
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU LADS AND LASSYS......

In case your all wondering, I am indeed wearing green today. That is my way of celebrating St. Paddy's Day. Since, I do not drink or attend the parade, I thought it was the least I could do.

Are we all Irish today? Not really, but it's fun anyway. Plus, I look stunning in green. Actually, I look stunning in anything I wear. And, no I am not drunk. I do fancy an irish ale of some sort, but I am sad to say I will spend this evening watching American Idol. I'm cool that way.

That song up there, I really dig these lyrics:
I sit in and dwell on faces past
Like memories seem to fade
No colour left but black and white
And soon will all turn grey
But may these shadows rise to walk again
With lessons truly learnt
When the blossom flowers in each our hearts
Shall beat a new found flame


I just like what it says. To me, its says that, and correct me if I am wrong, but it says that the stuff in your past that perhaps, haunts you and hurts you will eventually fade and fade and turn from colors into black and whites and then it will disappear and newer, better, more wonderful stuff shall blossom within you. Yeah, its happening for me as I type.


















The Irish Sex Fairy:

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
=============
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
=============
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, or jogging 20 blocks and you don’t need special sneakers!
=============


5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
=============


6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
=============


7 . Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
=============


8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
=============


9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
=============


10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
=============

You can all thank me later OK???

The Universe told me today:
One of the things I've learned from witnessing civilization after civilization after civilization, Michelle, is that one should never underestimate the profound resiliency of the human spirit, nor how swiftly things can change for the better - often overnight.
Swoosh -
The Universe

These things, I warmly wish for you-
Someone to love,
Some work to do,
A bit of o’ sun
A bit o’ cheer
And a guardian angel
Always near.

SWOOSH!!!!

A Glass And A Half Full Of Joy....

Well can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside...
But Baby, You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time, yeah
Can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe,
halaka ukulele
mama made a baby
Really don't mind the practice
cause you're my little lady
lady lady love me
cause I love to lay here lazy
we could close the curtains
pretend like there's no world outside

The telephone singing ringing it's too early don't pick it up
we don't need to
we got everything we need right here and everything we need is enough
just so easy
when the whole world fits inside of your arms
do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?
wake up slow, mmm mmm wake up slow
But baby You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
i'll make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now

And we can pretend it all the time

Sunday WORD OF THE DAY:

Flibbertigibbet
A silly flighty person

Flibbertigibbet is an Middle English word referring to a flighty or whimsical person, usually a young female. In modern use, it is used as a slang term, especially in Yorkshire, for a gossipy or overly talkative person.

Raw cool way before it was cool to be cool and raw!!!














Raw cool clearly morphing into coolness!!!















The raw cool is complete. She is now trying to morph sista sue into the very same coolness. You can clearly see, raw cool has a lot of work to do.

I am off for some banana pancakes. It's Sunday after all.

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves.....for growing up....

Persistent Positive Outlook On Life.....

Lately, I am thinking about things. Why is it, that us humans can't seem to get along with each other?? What is it with all the bickering and lack of understanding?? Why can't we just say "hey, I get it" I get why your doing that!!! I respect you and love you!!! And get on with it!!! WHY??

I know, asking why is futile!! It is the same as a five year old asking why is the sky blue?? At that very moment, there is no answer that may placate the youngster!! Actually, come to think of it I still to this day ask WHY IS THE SKY BLUE??? Yeah so?

I like that video up there. "Getting along" Simple really isn't it?? Those animals got it down. They are hip to the ways of the world. They know that getting along is the way to go.

My February 21st post you-could-be-happy talked about a good friend of mine, a doctor who lost a 9 year old patient. Nicole...the daughter of one of her nurses. It is just about 3 weeks now and she told me today that she is being sued. FUCK!!!!

She is really distraught and upset over this. She is not upset over the fact that she is being sued, although she should be, she is more upset at this horrible tragedy that robbed a young life and that she thinks she didn't do all she can to save her. She is depressed and turning inward to herself. She wants to be alone a lot which is so not like her. She doesn't want to talk to anybody, which is again, so not like her.

All I can offer at this point is my ears!!! To listen. To say "its not your fault" over and over again. She said to me today that in all her 38 years of being a physician this has been the worst time she's had. She doesn't want the case to go to trial, she wants it settled and the mom Tania to have some $$$$. Thats all she wants.

The autopsy came back inconclusive. Actually it showed nothing. They then checked her heart and there they saw that a virus attacked it and she just died. Really no rhyme or reason here.

The girls that work for her are all primarily russian. They all think the office is cursed and want to do some sort of ceremony to get rid of the curse so they can then all work without fear. My friend is allowing this to happen. She seems resigned to agree to mostly anything at this point.

Again, I had no words. Yesterday was her birthday. There was no celebration. Her request. I sent her a card with a gift inside. She was appreciative but reluctant to accept it. I insisted and she said OK Michelle Thanks!!! She is my running mentor. Since I have not been running (well sort of) she has been running partly with her husband but mostly alone. She told me this time running alone has been really therapeutic for her. I am happy about that.

I am writing this post just as much as a tribute to her as a way of therapy for me. I hope that she can get through this and come out the other side all happy again. She has 1 granddaughter and one on the way. Nina needs her to be a strong grannie!!! Perhaps, she cares to much??

Which brings me back to getting along!!! I've had my share of shit in that area. I am a narcissist. I am mean spirited. I am horrible human being. These were some of the things i was told. By someone who now has no relevance in my life. It just haunts me how this person would think that of me. It haunts me because I am letting it haunt me. I can control my thoughts and feelings. But the fucking thoughts are there. And I hate it.

BUT, I will not let that shit get me down. I am way better than that. I know I am not a narcissist. I know I am not mean spirited. And I know I am not a horrible human being. I know it and you know it. So FUCK the person who said it. My life is so much better than all that. That one person is THE ONLY person I refuse to have in my life. So, if in the rest of my entire life I only have ONE person who I would turn away from, I WIN!!!!!

Check this out:

You all may have seen this but it is worth watching again, and again!!! Brings tears to my eyes how a simple reunion between man and animal is so special.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY - WELL IF YOUR TOO HAPPY YOU MAY NEED HELP!!!!!


I think a lot of my readers may need to start this treatment!!! Please!!! It's pretty fucking annoying!!!!

I just want to thank the people that are praying. For a friend. Thanks!!!!!

The Universe told me this today:
Never underestimate, Michelle, how many friends you have, how close you are, and how much fun you're going to have.
Because, as you've seen throughout your entire amazing life, one usually gets exactly what they've been estimating.

You thrill me,
The Universe

Walt Whitman
Re-examine all you have been told . . . Dismiss what insults your Soul.

Delicious Ambiguity.

You laugh at me because I'm strange I laugh at you because your stupid!

In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it wasn't, was.

Life's a garden dig it

If You Could See Into My Soul....

It will, won't it???

Remember in my last post where I joked about gaining 5 lbs in 1 month. Yeah, not so funny when its really TRUE!!! Fuck!! I did indeed gain 5 lbs in 1 month. I took the news hard but I remained strong. I remained strong until I noticed that my jeans felt just a tad snug. And my coconut water belly now looks more like a real man's beer belly minus the actual beer drinking.

Dude, if i am developing a beer belly why not actually drink the stuff?? Don't get me started on my ass. It seems rounder and larger than ever.

What is even more ironic is that my sister and I have been engaged in a biggest loser thing. We started way back in January and usually with these types of challenges your supposed to - well lose weight. I am doing exactly the opposite of that. GO ME!!! I ROCK!!! I AM GREAT!!!

No, actually I suck. Thats how I feel right about now. Deflated and disappointed in myself. And really really pissed off. You don't want to see me when I am pissed off. I am EVIL!!! Ok, well maybe just a little bit.

What really got me started today was this post over at matteroffacts called Green with Envy. It is a lovely post by a lovely woman, HI SHERRI!!! Sherri, I love you!! One of the things she is green with envy over is MY CALVES. She included this photo on her post:














Now, I admit, I am stunning in this photo. I got it going on with the red fanny pack and all. AND my calves are amazing. Is that even me?? Sherri, thank you by the way. I did stress to Sherri that the photo was taken in 1991. Dude, thats like 37 trabillion years in runners years. So by the time 2009 rolls around my calves may be a bit - oh lets say chunkier OR wider OR *insert any word that you can think of that describes 2009 runners calves* about a person that - oh hasn't been running!!!!

Do you see my point here??

So, now that I have been granted permission to WALK, i'm all like fuck that, i'm running. NOT GOOD. I simply have no self control when I am up on the boardwalk. Really, I don't. It must be some sort of mental disorder.














Just so I am accountable for my actions - I ran today.
MY PERFORMANCE
Activity: Run
Date: 03/12/09 12:54 PM
Distance: 4.10 miles
Time: 0:50:02
Speed: 4.9 mph
Pace: 12' 12 min/mile
Calories: 454
ACTUAL +/- AVG ACTUAL +/- AVG
1 10' 27 -1' 45 5.7 +0.8 +4 ft
2 10' 46 -1' 26 5.6 +0.7 -3 ft
3 16' 37 +4' 25 3.6 -1.3 0 ft
4 11' 02 -1' 10 5.4 +0.5 0 ft
end 11' 40 -0' 32 5.1 +0.2 0 ft
I ran the first 2 miles - walked 1 mile and ran another 1 mile.
There is absolutely nothing I can say in my defense. Except perhaps, I need a straight jacket?? I am actually almost ashamed and embarrassed at my actions. At not being able to hold back and walk. At not listening to my doctor. At not listening to anybody really. At not being a reasonable adult thinking about the consequences of my actions.

This is really something I need to discuss with Liz Lemon. Its as though my head says to my body, start running. And I listen. Sure, it may be a lot more complex than that but that is the simple explanation.

Any advice here would be very much appreciated. I am almost thinking that I should hold off on walking and just wait until I get the go-ahead to actually run.

Needless to say, even though the running made me feel good in the moment, I now feel like poop. Like poopy poop.

The Universe told me today:
Sometimes when you're ready for a change, Michelle, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts.
Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.

Love watching you create,
The Universe

One can never consent to creep, when one feels an impulse to soar!
Helen Keller














I guess I'm going to do a lot of pondering huh??