Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Invalidation may be the single most damaging form of psychological abuse
Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. Constant invalidation may be one of the most significant reasons a person with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life. Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal. This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird.
None of this feels good, and all of it damages us. The more different from the mass norm a person is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated. When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities.
Psychological invalidation is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It kills confidence, creativity and individuality.
Here are some of the things i've been told recently:
Get over it.
Get a life
Deal with it.
Don't be so dramatic.
I tried to help you..but
You have a problem.
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
I am sick of hearing about it.You are just ... (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
Stop taking everything so personally
There's nothing wrong with you
You are way too emotional.
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible
Don't you think you are being a little dramatic?
I have lived for 46 years, thus far...and I hardly think I've waited all these years and went through all the things that I've endured, just to have a friend tell me how to 'get through it'....Nothing anyone says will make it go away....nothing will make a friend in pain feel better....except for the words "I'll be right here for you if you need to talk".
I am just venting here but there was an incident in my life that has greatly affected my way of thinking and dealing with people. I very rarely hear the words above! It bothers me. I was mocked and laughed at. I do not know why. I was invalidated big time. Again, i do not know why. I need to know though. It hurts! OK, its out there for all the world to see. I feel a little better.
Posted by Michelle at 10:02 PM